[ SECRET POST #2466 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2466 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


__________________________________________________



02.


__________________________________________________



03.


__________________________________________________



04.


__________________________________________________



05.


__________________________________________________



06.


__________________________________________________



07.


__________________________________________________



08.



__________________________________________________



09.















Notes:

Late day at work, sorry.

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 010 secrets from Secret Submission Post #352.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - omgiknowthem ], [ 1 - troll ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I'd argue that expecting your host to somehow magically divine that you're not bored and ungrateful, while not making any effort to convey thanks and enjoyment, actually is rude and selfish.

[bored_bitch]

I'd argue that social anxiety (especially severe social anxiety) is not something you can just "get over" with a bunch of effort, and is akin to an actual mental disorder, so you may as well tell bipolars to keep their emotions in check, or schizophrenics to turn off their delusions via effort.

[(Anonymous)]

Well, fine. But don't expect people not to form their opinions of you based on your behavior.

[bored_bitch]

People do, regardless. There's not much you can do to stop that, unless you explain directly to them that you have severe anxiety.
And, even then, people will STILL talk shit about you because they either think that it makes you dangerous / autistic / whatever, or that you aren't "trying hard enough."

You're kind of fucked, regardless. Much like having any kind of mental condition.

It's a shitty position to be in.

But it doesn't mean you need to promote the negativity.
Otherwise, you're kind of just being an adamant raging douche.

[(Anonymous)]

The irony of someone who calls themself "bored bitch" admonishing anybody for being an "adamant raging douche" is delicious.

[(Anonymous)]

That doesn't excuse her from saying 'thank you for paying for all my food and shit'

[(Anonymous)]

Not really the same thing, IMO. You're not asking someone who's bipolar not to feel emotions, but to make an effort to keep them in check so far as not treating other people like shit? That's perfectly reasonable. If a person knows that their condition makes it difficult to be around other people, then a host should be told that in advance, and every effort should be made to say, hey, I know that sometimes I come across as difficult but I really do appreciate everything you've done, etc. etc.

Also, there's no mental health issue that forces you to mooch off others when you have the money to pay your own way. Having social anxiety disorder or a mental health issue is not an excuse to behave like an asshole.

[(Anonymous)]

This! Nothing pisses me off more than people who use their mental illness as an excuse to treat others badly. All it does is perpetuate the stereotype that people with mental illness are assholes, and gives assholes leeway to treat others badly because "they can't help it". Bull.

No mental illness prevents people from saying thanks or offering to pay for your own things. But a selfish personality sure does. The fact that the OP's friend didn't say thanks (or apologize) online once they got home shows that it had nothing to do with social anxiety, and everything to do with being an ass.

[chardmonster]

Having social anxiety sucks.

Not telling someone you're good enough friends with that you're actually meeting in person that you have social anxiety (or that you're 'awkward' or 'shy' or whatever) is pretty mean.

Letting your friend pick up every bill is awful. Social anxiety is no excuse.

If you're usng a self diagnosis of social anxiety as an excuse to not try to avoid rudeness and to let your friend pay for shit, you are a really shitty person.

I echo my opinion that the OP should drop this loser.

[the_songbird]

But they did say they weren't bored. They said they were "fine"...they nodded, etc.

I'm also an introvert, I have been at gatherings where everybody else is having fun and talking and socializing and whatever. I'm the one on the side watching and listening. I'm actually not having a bad time. People will come to me and ask me a million times if I'm "okay" or if I'm enjoying myself and I will assuring them that I'm "okay" or I'm "fine" and I really am. Maybe she's just not very effusive in real life.

(I can also understand anxiety over the check as someone up above mentioned about "missing the window". I have similar thoughts when it comes check time if it wasn't already brought up. That said, I have managed to learn to ask up front how we're going to be paying/splitting. So this person being talked about may have to learn how to do that. Or maybe they really are just a mooch, I don't know. If it's truly damaging the friendship (and I can understand why an experience like this could) then the OP needs to either get it out there and explain what is bothering them or just tactfully back off the friendship.

And remember in the future to make clear they plan on splitting the bill.)

[(Anonymous)]

I was referring more to dinogrrl's confession that she "may appear bored, rude and ungrateful"--seriously, if you know that's how you come off, why not take even a tiny baby step or two to come off differently? If a person expects all the effort to be on their friend's side, then yes, that is selfish.

[dinogrrl]

I was just using my own experiences as an example. That incident with my grandparents was actually a wake-up call for me to learn better ways of dealing with non-introverts.

No matter what I do, there are always people who see me as too quiet, uninterested, and rude. On the flip side, those people usually come off to me as loud, in-my-face, and rude, so. :p

[dinogrrl]

I don't disagree. Communication goes two (or more) ways. My point was that if someone's introverted or has anxiety issues, it is very easy for their actions and words to be misinterpreted or even outright overlooked by non-introverts. If you're used to people gushing for hours about how awesome something is, thanks a ton, let's do it again, etc., it's very easy to miss out on a simple "Thanks, this was fun." Neither version is wrong, but it can be confusing, or even rage-inducing, if you're expecting one and get the other.

[(Anonymous)]

That's certainly true.

[(Anonymous)]

I agree, to an extent. Having social anxiety sucks, because you often know that you're coming off as standoffish or selfish without really knowing how to fix the behavior. My social anxiety once got so bad that I was forced to quit university because I was refusing to talk to anybody, even in class. That's how embarrassed I was that I would say something "wrong" in front of people. :(

With that being said, it bothers me that people (not you. I mean people in general) blame rude behavior on their anxiety. Having social anxiety =/= being an asshole. And tbh, it sounds like the OP's friend was more of an asshole than anything else. They expected OP to pay their way, and never once said thank-you or offered to pay for a single meal or ticket? That's just assholeish. Even the most socially anxious people know what politeness is. They might say "thankyou" at an awkward moment, but they still know how to say it.

As far as I'm concerned, there's no excuse for a lack of politeness.

[dinogrrl]

I said in another comment elsewhere, but where I live, if someone invites you somewhere, they're the ones who pay for everything. It can be seen as insulting if you offer to help with a bill--you're insinuating that they're poor hosts. No way to know if that's what the OP's friend had in mind or if they were just being a cheap jerk though.

That being said, yeah, I agree that every effort should be made to be polite to your host no matter what.