fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2475 ]

[ SECRET POST #2475 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2475 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02. [repeat]

__________________________________________________

03.

[Supernatural, Watchmen]

__________________________________________________

04.

[a case of exploding mangoes (2008 novel)]

__________________________________________________

05.

[Brothers in Arms]

__________________________________________________

06.

[Agents of SHIELD ]

__________________________________________________

07.

[Transformers: IDW Generation One]

__________________________________________________

08.

[Sarah Michelle Gellar]

__________________________________________________

09.

[Young Guns 2]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 057 secrets from Secret Submission Post #354.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Im go to great lengths to be kind but that has more to do with feeling good about and valuing the person I am than any genuine interest in another person's feelings. I dont care that someone else is happy just that im the kind of person who is kind and honest and makes people happy. Most of the time when I do a good deed it feels more satisfying if the other person doesnt know it was me. Like Im on a power trip or something. Plus Im even happier with myself when I feel uncomfortable with recognition and gratitude because thats how humble selfless people are supposed to feel.

Deep down I really only care about people in an abstract, big picture, how good people are supposed to feel kind of way. I dont connect and a lot of the times feel stifled, bored and threatened by attempts to connect or return kindness.

Does it count if Im only being a good person because I like thinking of myself as a good person, the kind of person other people idealize and fail at being? It feels narcissistic and I can't tell if this is sneakily positive presentation of sick self-centeredness or if this just a normal everyday neurosis magnified by my other emotional/trust issues.

...As much as some people disagree with me, at the end of the day actions >intentions. So if you do good actions? In my book you're still good.

And hell, it's not always *bad* to be selfish.

Ehhh I think it's more complicated than that. The actions can still be really good but the person could be shit. For instance, donating money to a cause just to look good for publicity and so on. The person is an asshole for their motives, but the action still benefits others. If they donate because it makes them happy to give to others, that's not selfish even if they get something out of it.

you gotta take care of yourself too

I don't think someone who puts everyone else's needs above theirs is necessarily 'good' because dude look at how much you're hurting yourself

anyway you're probably fine, not everybody can be a saint. in fact nobody is.

Why wouldn't you be a good person? I mean there are plenty of horrible things you could do that make you feel good. But you choose to do good things. That makes you a good person to me.

If you really want to, you can define just about any motive into a selfish one. You actually care about someone else's welfare? Then their welfare benefits you, so helping them isn't selfless. You want to be a good person? You're doing it so you can feel like a good person, so it's selfish. You get the idea. It's pointless to go down this road.

My philosophy exam three years ago was about that. According to the dude who wrote the text, if you did good things only because it makes you happy on an instinctive level/ it's in your nature to be good, you're not a good person. To be a good person you had to understand that good things make the society better, and that it's your moral duty to be good to others.

But regardless people will think you're a good person if you do good stuff because they'll never be in your head.

I don't think there's anyone alive or dead who hasn't done at least one thing for selfish reasons. I wouldn't worry about it.

I'd say the effect of your actions is more important than your motivations. Not because motive doesn't matter, but because it's damn hard to figure out. There's this idea that a single motive always directly and clearly precedes a behavior, which isn't necessarily true. Motivations for behavior are usually very, very muddled and there are usually many different motivations influencing your behavior simultaneous, and it's very hard for you to have a solid grasp of your own psychology.

It's just not something that you can clearly test and figure out depending on what you might personally feel. Just as some people are convinced their horrible actions are inspired by pure moral motives, the opposite, or a mixture of both, can also be true.

(This, btw, is probably why really extreme, exaggerated, high-stakes situations in fiction are so popular -- it strips all these motivations down to the strongest and most important and reveals the true measure of people, which is previously hidden, even from themselves).

So forget about worrying about your motivations -- just worry about your actions and be as truthful to yourself about your motivations as possible with the understanding that you don't really know the full extent of them.

In my books, you're good if sympathy is the main reason you do good things. Other reasons may be whatever.

If you do good things mostly out of your desire to think of yourself as a good person, then I definitely would not classify you as one.

It does not mean that sympathy is the only criterion; if sympathy is there but you do bad things regardless, then you're "bad". Doing good things without sympathy is much better but does not make you a good person.

Like, it's just the difference between your actions (or even your whole life) being good and your personality being good. Being happy about feeling something that humble and selfless people are supposed to feel automatically makes you a person who is neither humble nor selfless. It is not a bad thing, it just is.

IMHO.

I sort of get that way when people start complimenting me because I work in a nursing home for people with severe developmental disabilities. They always start on how I must be such a good person and they "could never do my job" but it's not like I'm doing it for free, or like the job is so terrible to me (except for the low pay) so I really don't like people saying that. I mean, I just thank them because they mean well but it always makes me start questioning myself. Actually with me I think it's mostly neuroses/low self-esteem though. (Though if I thought of myself as angel ministering the "sick" I'd be really insufferable so maybe it's a good thing.)

You do good things because, well, who the fuck wants to be a jerk? :P

Honestly, I think that describes most of humanity, and people are basically decent, so you're okay. :D

Better than people who had good intentions and made the wrong actions.

It's a win-win situation- you feel good, and you doing something makes other people happy. It feeds your ego but if it's not hurting anyone, it's not bad.

Apparently I'm the opposite of this entire thread but I think the person with good intentions and bad results is still definitely better than the one with selfish/shitty intentions and good results. Like, someone who accidentally harms someone by trying to save their life is still definitely a better person than the one who saves someone just so they could get publicity or... get down someone's pants or something.

But that doesn't apply to people who do good things to feel good about themselves when that good feeling is directly related to helping people. It's not selfish to feel good about making other people happy.

Well, my view is that nothing anyone does is completely motivated by selflessness. Even if the selfish aspect is utterly miniscule in comparison to the other motives involved, it's still there, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. It certainly doesn't make you a bad person, or at least I don't think it does. I mean, I think intent does matter to a certain extent, but that the outcome is ultimately the more important factor. And as far as selfish motivations go, the desire to be seen as a good person doesn't seem all that bad.

"Good" and "evil" are a matter of how you treat others, not how you perceive yourself. So yeah, I think you're a good person if your intentional impact on others is good, whatever your internal motivation. You'd only be bad, to me, if you're trying to do bad things but good things happen regardless. That just means you're a fuck-up, not a good person.

I'm definitely an actions > intentions type person, so I think you're good and that a lot of arguments about true altruism not existing are kind of a moot point. The only problem I can possibly see is what you said about caring about people only in the abstract, big picture kind of way - there's nothing wrong with that as long as you aren't justifying hurting people on a small, individual level for the sake of the 'big picture'. Also, make sure you're regularly evaluating the people around you and their feelings and reactions to your kindnesses - as long as people appreciate what you're doing and you're not actually patronising them or meddling, then you're fine.

The fact that you're even worrying about this probably means you can't be too bad :P

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2475 ]

Are you really a good person if you do good things for selfish reasons?

Re: Are you really a good person if you do good things for selfish reasons?

Re: Are you really a good person if you do good things for selfish reasons?

Re: Are you really a good person if you do good things for selfish reasons?

Re: Are you really a good person if you do good things for selfish reasons?

Re: Are you really a good person if you do good things for selfish reasons?

Re: Are you really a good person if you do good things for selfish reasons?

Re: Are you really a good person if you do good things for selfish reasons?

Re: Are you really a good person if you do good things for selfish reasons?

Re: Are you really a good person if you do good things for selfish reasons?

Re: Are you really a good person if you do good things for selfish reasons?

Re: Are you really a good person if you do good things for selfish reasons?

Re: Are you really a good person if you do good things for selfish reasons?

Re: Are you really a good person if you do good things for selfish reasons?

Re: Are you really a good person if you do good things for selfish reasons?

Re: Are you really a good person if you do good things for selfish reasons?

Re: Are you really a good person if you do good things for selfish reasons?

Re: Are you really a good person if you do good things for selfish reasons?