[ SECRET POST #2484 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2484 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 044 secrets from Secret Submission Post #355.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

How do you tell the difference...

[(Anonymous)]

between a close friendship and romantic feelings? I know for a lot of people the answer is clearly "sex" but...I've had friends with benefits, that I've been 100% sure I didn't feel anything for beyond friendship. I've heard so much talk of people "confusing" strong platonic feelings for romantic ones and it's started to confuse me. I mean, there are things that I would've for sure considered romantic but apparently other people consider them to not necessarily be romantic and things that close friends might do.

And of course a lot of the time the "confusing platonic feelings with romantic ones" is said about people of the same sex so I halfway wonder if maybe part of it could be attributed to homophobia. (Like for example a guy telling his dad that he had a crush on a guy and his dad telling him that it was just friendship he felt and he was confused because the dad didn't want to admit his son might be gay.)

So...yeah. I don't know, but I'm starting to realize I apparently don't know how to differentiate the two and I'm wondering how other people tell the difference. Anyone have any opinions/thoughts?

Re: How do you tell the difference...

[(Anonymous)]

It's a confusing topic. I'm asexual, so the sex divide doesn't work for me at all. For me it's more about intimacy, I guess. I'm not sure how to explain it, but the intimacy or desire for intimacy between romantic partners and platonic friends is very different. But I think it's a hard thing to pin down an exact definition for because everyone's idea of intimacy is different, and people have different types of friendships.

Which is a bit of a non-answer I guess. :\

Re: How do you tell the difference...

[(Anonymous)]

I'm Ace, so sex is never a defining factor. For me it's sort of like...When I have strong platonic feelings, I don't want to kiss them or cuddle with them, fall asleep together or hold hands, you know?

Re: How do you tell the difference...

[anonymouslyyours]

For me I would say it comes down to a physical chemical reaction. There are people I am attracted to and people I am attracted to.

Both groups tend to be pretty similar, even in looks. I can be intimate and sexual with people I'm not romantically attracted to there's just not the same physical flutter in my stomach or shy flirtiness. I would say I form stronger bonds with people I'm not romantically attracted to but I think that's down to some issues I have.

Um, romantic attraction also seems to be linked to smells for me. A couple of my romantic attractions have been sparked because of how someone smells.

Re: How do you tell the difference...

[(Anonymous)]

I was going to write a fat joke but you've already written it for me.

Re: How do you tell the difference...

[anonymouslyyours]

Oh god why did I laugh. >:(

That is also not what I meant.

Re: How do you tell the difference...

[(Anonymous)]

I get more jealous and feel more uncomfortable around people I like romantically. Normally there's some idiolization involved as well. Plus I want to put my arm around their shoulders, while I only like straight forward, not too long hugs with my friends.

Although I'm not sure how much this counts, I only had like, 3 crushes so far.

Re: How do you tell the difference...

[inkdust]

I think it's a tricky area. I consider some of the "friend crushes" I get to be borderline romantic feelings, which usually manifest as fluttery excitement to see them, a desire to be special to them, and a certain amount of jealousy toward friends who are closer to them than I am, but it doesn't involve any thoughts of sex or physical intimacy the way full crushes do. For me romantic feelings are about a desire for emotional connection and intimate conversation, with a sort of ramped up eagerness compared to my normal friendships. So hard to explain when I don't even have it figured out.