fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2485 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2485 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Sleepy Hollow]

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03.

[Twilight]

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04.

[Lana Del Rey / Marina and the Diamonds]

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05.

[Long Way Round, Long Way Down]

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06.

[Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.]

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07.

[Star Trek: The Next Generation]

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08.

[Pacific Rim]

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09.

[Game of Thrones]

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10.

[Captain Marvel]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 034 secrets from Secret Submission Post #355.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

This community seems to typically be very friendly and helpful, so I figured I should come here... Over three years ago, I was majorly into this one fandom. I won't state the name of it, as the detail is not really that important. It was just a fun, tight-knit fandom for a pretty unknown animated movie that bombed in the box office. I was around 15 at the time, and I thoroughly enjoyed my time in the fandom and made some very close friends. I just had a grand old time, and through my fandom friends I found other great stuff.

But at a point, I just... left. I don't really know why, but without a word, I just up and left. And very recently, I stumbled across my old deviantART account, and saw two comments left by probably two of my closest fandom friends. They absolutely broke my heart, asking if I was alright and to give some sort of sign that I was OK. And I've recently been very lonely, and wish to reconnect with them again.

And your probably going, "Well, anon, just log back into your account and messaged them and etc." But the thing is, while I treasure my friendships, there are a few problems. First things first, there's a lot of things on the account that really embarrass me. I wish I could just get rid of the handle altogether, but keep my friends at the same time. Well, I guess that could easily be solved by making a new account, but here's a much bigger problem.

I've told a lot of lies about myself to my friends. I've lied about my real name, age, various real life stuff, I've pretended to be into fandoms that I'm not, and ship pairings that I actually don't. And I feel that the right thing to do here is to tell them the truth, but... I'm just really afraid. I know they probably wouldn't care and would easily forgive me, but at the same time, they could very well hate me and despise me and never want to talk to me again. It's just, the last thing I don't wanna do is lose them. But I don't want to make a big return and continue to lie and further dig myself into a hole.

What should I do, f!S? And have any of you been in a situation or one that's similar to this in the past? I'm sorry this is so long and I just kind of babbled through most of it. );

I would question whether friendships built on so many lies are actually friendships to start with. But if you really want to open a dialogue/have a relationship with these people, I would suggest either:

* Deleting the things that embarass you and message them thanking them for their concern. Not sure what to tell them about personal details (that probaby shouldn't have been handed out anyway) but as far as fandom goes just tell them your interests have changed. OR

* Drop the old ID completely, make a new one and try to befriend them as honestly as possible (this could be a bad idea in the event that New You accidentallt says something only Old You would know). OR

* Do a combination of the two above. Make a new ID but tell them who you are and whatever you're comfortble telling them about what went down.

I think the best course of action would be to reply to your old friends and tell them that you are just fine, and left because you were not telling the entire truth about yourself and it made you uncomfortable or somesuch.

I suppose it would depend somewhat on the nature of the lies you were telling. Fandoms and ships are one thing, you can just brush that off with "I'm not into that now, I've changed" and not explain exactly what changed.

For bigger and more personal stuff... well, I honestly don't know about that, but I would urge you to not continue lying about things, whatever you do. If you do it will only go downhill and you will feel worse. If you tell the truth and they reject you, at least you'll have come clean and have everything out in the open, and you can always make a new handle and new friends, even if it won't be the same.

Good luck.

If it's been three years, I think you could tell them that you lied about personal details of your life, you got uncomfortable with the lying so you left, but you also got lonely as time went on and wanted to reconnect with your fandom friends but this time as yourself. Good luck!

this! It worked for a fairly prominent fanartist (heavy into Buffy) on LJ back in the day, who came out as a gay dude rather than the straight lady he'd pretended to be online. And my opinion of him didn't change too much. It's the internet, shit happens.

Oooh, who was it? I was in Buffy back in the day, but I don't remember that.

http://frillybunny.livejournal.com/30163.html

Thank you!

[And this just highlights how big the Buffyverse fandom was ten years ago as I don't even recognize that user name LOL]

Very true! lots of niches.

My advice is to make a new account, but message your friends on your old one telling them that you're okay, that you left fandom for personal reasons and were reluctant to return because you realize now that you should've been more honest about who you really were. Try to set the record straight on a few of the more important lies, but keep it short and relatively simple, and don't try to rationalize why you did it because that will reek of making excuses. Apologize sincerely-- this bit is important, so don't forget it. Not an "I'm sorry if I hurt you" apology, a straightforward, blunt, "What I did was wrong and I'm sorry."

Then point your friends to your new account and say that seeing their comments after all this time made you realize how much you'd missed them, and if they'd like to keep in touch they can find you there. This puts the ball in their park. All of that sounds daunting and scary, but please, don't pile on more lies even though that sounds deceptively easy. It will blow up in your face and you'll just be making the same mistake all over again.

Lastly, I understand being afraid of losing these friends, but anon? Right now, you don't have them to lose, do you? All you have are the memories and potential for a friendship, so in reality, you're not risking a whole lot. Best of luck to you whatever you decide to do!

[ SECRET POST #2485 ]

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