[ SECRET POST #2486 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2486 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 024 secrets from Secret Submission Post #355.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Job/Major/Hobby thread

[(Anonymous)]

Describe your job or major of study or hobby in the most BADASS POSSIBLE WAY.

Have people guess what it is.

Re: Job/Major/Hobby thread

[chardmonster]

I go through dead people's stuff and then spread rumors about them.

Re: Job/Major/Hobby thread

[(Anonymous)]

I use the same chemical that makes diamonds to invoke emotion and sometimes replicate life in a dimentional plane.

Re: Job/Major/Hobby thread

[(Anonymous)]

I take what people say, and twist it - without actually making it a lie.

Re: Job/Major/Hobby thread

[(Anonymous)]

I work at computers behind doors with special locks.

Re: Job/Major/Hobby thread

[(Anonymous)]

I kick through doors, get involved in car chases, fight people, unveil conspiracies, and stand for all that is just in the world.

Re: Job/Major/Hobby thread

[mimi-sardinia.livejournal.com]

I do what I want, when I want, and the government pays me, because I'm crazy.

I analyze people's writing for deep and meaningful messages.

Re: Job/Major/Hobby thread

[mekkio]

I take the butchered, flatten and dried corpses of trees and apply a liquid of dye to form images of crowd-pleasing arts and entertainment that which amuse me greatly.

Re: Job/Major/Hobby thread

[(Anonymous)]

Using dangerous weapons that have been banned from many courthouses and airlines, I convert animal and plant protein fibers (and sometimes chemical compounds) into protective gear according to complex coded instructions.

Re: Job/Major/Hobby thread

[case]

We'd just like to talk.

We mean, we have full trust that we're all practical, intelligent people, here. There are plenty of reasons you should go along with us. Look at all the benefits you'll receive by merely complying to our very moderate demands. We can list you a whole bunch of them right now, if you'd like. See, the thing is: it could be better. It could all be better. We can show you how the wonderful the world could be. Isn't it great? Wouldn't you like that?

No? ...we really don't think that's a wise decision, To Whom It May Concern. Look at how much you stand to suffer, refusing us. In this day and age, we're a necessity, whether you like it or not. If it's not us, it'll be Them, and you've heard what they say about Them, don't you? You really should cooperate for your own good.

Still not listening yet? We're sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, this means we'll have to start sniping at everything you care about. Your friends. Your family. Your relationships. Your social standing. And we know you care. We know you care, because we've identified your insecurities and have been tracking and monitoring this entire time. It could be better, couldn't it? Your fears of failure. Your fears of never being good enough even if you succeed. It could be better. Your fears that you're getting older. More hopeless. More obsolete. It could be better. Your hunger for a life that means something, your desperate hope that maybe you're missing something so very simple, that everyone else seems so much more fulfilled and it's all better, and maybe we have the answer, and it could be better, and you know it, don't you? You know them. It could be better, we promise -

Please don't struggle any more, To Whom It May Concern.

You're coming with us.

Re: Job/Major/Hobby thread

[greenvelvetcake]

I take various chemical compounds, such as disaccharides and finely ground carbohydrates, combine them into one, and fire the concoction at high temperatures.

Re: Job/Major/Hobby thread

[(Anonymous)]

I supply the way by which people express various sentiments in the important events of their lives from birth to death.

Re: Job/Major/Hobby thread

[forgottenjester]

I spread lies to tell a greater truth. People will sit for hours to listen to these lies and commend me for them.

I also steal children from their parents and make them my apprentices. But I only do it when asked by other kidnappers to take their place.

Re: Job/Major/Hobby thread

[tamabonotchi]

I secure possessions people purchase by placing them in
protective barriers for transportation, rally machines from the harsh conditions outside into suitable shelters, and make it possible to go and pee in suitable conditions.

Re: Job/Major/Hobby thread

[comradesmiler]

I learn to shape and control THE LANDSCAPE AND NATURE ITSELF TO MY WHIMS!!!

Re: Job/Major/Hobby thread

[(Anonymous)]

I experience multiple different lives and adventures and record them.

Re: Job/Major/Hobby thread

[(Anonymous)]

I already know who you are, but don't care because I'm after bigger fish. But now I must move on, my chopper is waiting.

Re: Job/Major/Hobby thread

[(Anonymous)]

Man I don't think I can make this sound badass. :/ At best I will sound like a total dickwad.

When that hurricane comes bearing down on your town, when that crazy ass psycho starts lighting up the cafe with an AK, I'm that person working feverishly to glean information about your misfortune, and feed it into the existing formulas, frameworks, and theories we have to make sure less people die next time. Or come up with my own theories, formulas, and framework if nothing we have makes sense.

Re: Job/Major/Hobby thread

[riddian]

Piloting up to 40 tons of steel and fiberglass, I have amazing adventures traveling all across the country, fighting weather, terrible terrible drivers, and my bad sense of direction.

Re: Job/Major/Hobby thread

[(Anonymous)]

I help a guy make people scream, and then they give us money.

Re: Job/Major/Hobby thread

[(Anonymous)]

I speak for the dead.

Re: Job/Major/Hobby thread

[(Anonymous)]

I sit around fire all day and take people into a small wet room to pick out something to burn.

Re: Job/Major/Hobby thread

[cbrachyrhynchos]

In the early days of WWII, Dr. Seuss, B. F. Skinner, and Walt Disney joined forces to train thousands of newly drafted Americans how to fight the Axis, how to dig latrines, to keep their mouth shut around spies, and to wear condoms. We carry on that grand tradition in the endless cubicles faced with the bottomless screens of raw text.

Re: Job/Major/Hobby thread

[othellia]

Many people look at my profession and consider what we do to be magic.

I can't think of a single other badass way to describe it.

Re: Job/Major/Hobby thread

[pantasma]

Late to the game as always, but...

Job: I blend into pink and white walls while dressed all in black, flying between private rooms with wings that change from all black to varying forms of a rainbow with each beat. I relinquish my feathers unto eager women, who then give me nine new feathers with which to adorn myself until I can put them into sorting boxes for the next woman who wants to see them. Then I swoop upon my confused charges as they seek escape from the frustration of not knowing their own bodies to teach them things they'd never thought to know.

My words and hands have changed lives for the better, planting confidence in women who never knew they were uncomfortable wrapped up in the garments society tells us we need to contain ourselves. And making them feel beautifulsexysafe for someone other than their lovers.

Hobby/Major/Future job: My cries lift eyes and hearts as they fill any space, especially when with others.

I command the devotion of children facing obstacles in life no adult should shoulder with a wave of my hand and a wink while we enchant those who love them.