[ SECRET POST #2490 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2490 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 048 secrets from Secret Submission Post #356.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: this is a thread about Asperger's

[(Anonymous)]

Well, at the age of 42 I can say this about it (pardon the tl:dr, it's something I've given quite a bit of thought to):

- As a child I tested well ahead of my peers academically (apart from math) but always lagged behind socially, and got along better with younger kids and adults than others my own age. "Smart and bullied" most definitely applied.
- I have a tendency to obsess over hobbies, usually gravitating to a single book/series or TV show to devote myself to in particular, often for several years. At one time I was very much the stereotypical overinvested fangirl who couldn't shut up about her fandom. (I've somewhat grown out of this tendency and many of the others I'm going to mention, but not entirely.)
- For many years I would unintentionally tune people out--my hearing is normal, but my husband could stand right next to me and say my name while I was reading or on the computer, and I wouldn't be aware of him. I can have trouble focusing my attention when someone else is talking, particularly if there's an interesting distraction nearby.
- I'm oversensitive to noise and dirty floors; if I step on even the tiniest crumb or fleck of dirt and feel it underfoot, I have to stop and go get a broom. I run my computer as silently as possible, keeping it muted or my headphones off unless I really need them, and I'll often skip a news article if it's in video format rather than text. I also hate telephones and dislike it when someone turns on a TV in a quiet room.
- I have a marked preference for working with inanimate objects over people or animals. I don't particularly like pets, especially large, loud or dirty ones, and loathe service-related jobs. I also dislike large gatherings or crowds, especially if I can't escape quickly. I become stressed if I don't get regular quiet downtime, preferably alone in the house.
- I communicate better textually than verbally. I have a fairly extensive vocabulary, but find it difficult to make use of it when speaking as opposed to typing. Even in chat, I can fall behind in conversation because it takes me some time to organize my thoughts and express them.
- I hate, hate, hate interruptions and disruptions in my schedule. This is one of those things that's gotten better with time, but I get very grumpy if my concentration is broken, and sudden unavoidable changes of plans have been known to ruin my entire week, even if they were for a fun or happy reason.
- My brain-mouth filter has always been faulty. I'll blurt out whatever I'm thinking and only later realize that the other person may have taken it in a wildly different and more negative way than I intended.
- In online tests, I consistently score at about half the empathy level of the average woman, and slightly lower than the average autistic person. This never fails to puzzle me, because when I go through the questions I feel as though I'm giving the answers of a perfectly nice and reasonable person, though admittedly not THE nicest one on the planet.
- My political and social opinions tend to lean left overall but are somewhat oddly mixed, and it occurred to me recently that this may be because I base them largely on what I think makes sense, not on how other people feel.
- Various people who have known me since infancy and/or worked with or been related to autistic people tell me that I fit the profile. So do books and the aforementioned online tests.

In the absence of a formal diagnosis I am not comfortable saying "Yes, I have Asperger's or some other form of high-functioning autism," but it wouldn't surprise me in the least if I do, and I think it's fairly safe to say I at least fall within the broad autistic phenotype.

Why haven't I been tested? Well, as a child of older, moderate/conservative parents in the 70's, it wasn't the sort of thing they would do except as a last resort. Since then, doctors cost money, which I don't have much of; I still don't have insurance that would cover it, and I've either outgrown or learned to cope with the worst problems it caused me. Also, there's that issue of breaking routine--unnecessary appointments are something I avoid for my own comfort.

If a good opportunity comes up that wouldn't cost me an arm and a leg, I'd like to go find out for sure someday, though. It would set my mind at ease to know there's a legitimate reason for my weirdness.