[ SECRET POST #2492 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2492 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 028 secrets from Secret Submission Post #356.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Money Woes

[(Anonymous)]

I am really, really sorry to do this, but I'm wondering about the context of beating?

I have several roommates from Ecuador, and they recall parental hitting as more being a cultural artifact than abuse. I ask this, as someone from the States, because anything aside for spanking small children is seen as abusive, and I'm not sure I'm qualified to weigh in one way or the other. I know you're in a Latin American culture, so I wonder if this is just your mom believing this is within her rights?

The only reason I bring this up, is I'm wondering if this more needs a perspective change? Yes, it does sound tough and kind of shitty, but how shitty is it?

My dad can, under today's standards, be considered as verbally and emotionally abusive toward me. But to be honest, he was just socialized under a different set of norms, and what he says/does is okay for how and when he grew up. Which isn't to say it doesn't hurt, just that I'm not going to flee the house or call the cops because he flipped out. I learn to live with how he behaves, because that's just how it is with him, as it is with like 90% of the people who live where I come from.

And before anyone says "abuse is abuse", no it's fucking not. Abuse is a mutable standard that changes over time and culture. Some people argue spanking is abuse because it's hitting; I say it's not because everyone and their pet dog was spanked when I was a kid.

I'm really not trying to trivialize you or your situation, I'm just not sure how to respond.

Re: Money Woes

[lynx]

Eh, don't be sorry, I fully understand where are you coming from. Indeed, parental hitting is kind of normal in this culture (though the parameters of what constitutes mere punishment and what constitutes abuse are really sketchy and vary wildly from household to household; and under the law). I used to get spanked a lot when I was a kid, and as I said, my mom had somewhat of an habit of also throwing stuff at me. Usually shoes. And it was seen as totally normal back then.

However I'm 25 now. By any means, even if I'm living in her house, I'm still an adult and hitting an adult is NOT kosher. I'm not even sure if hitting a teenager is socially acceptable here; but the way she flips out at me, the hurtful things she says, and practicing her aim with me... something's wrong with this picture, I think.

Re: Money Woes

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt

Okay thank God, I'm glad I didn't hurt or offend you. I know that my roommate was smacked up until she was about 16 because she wouldn't wake up at the breakfast table. (Her mom worked full time, but got up every morning to make her children breakfast; when my roommate wouldn't wake up, she would get her hair pulled and get slapped. But even she admitted she was kind of being a bratty asshole, so contextually she was fine with it.)

Still, I'm with you that your mom's behavior isn't acceptable aimed toward an adult. If you have friends in the city, can you spend a week or two, or even a few days living with them instead? That way you and your mom get some space apart, and maybe she'll chill out a bit?

Re: Money Woes

[(Anonymous)]

And before anyone says "abuse is abuse", no it's fucking not.

Yes it fucking is. Just because it's "how it is in their culture" or "how they were raised" doesn't mean it's acceptable. There are cultures where women who are raped are stoned to death because they're considered to have "committed adultery" while nothing happens to the men who raped them. Just because it's part of another culture doesn't mean it's immune to criticism. Purposely harming another human being, unless it's self defense, is wrong. Period.