fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2541 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2541 ⌋

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So tonight I did a BBQ "chicken" pizza with fake chicken, from scratch. The crust is fluffy and perfect and I did a great job with the BBQ sauce, but I can't help noticing that this stupid "chicken" still tastes like cardboard despite the fact that I salted and garlic-powdered the hell out of it while I was cooking it.

Anyone else ever have this problem with meat alternatives? Wat do, f!s? Wat doooo?

My favorite pizza is with breaded eggplant. To me, it's better than any meat pizza. It's a shame how many pizza places don't carry it :(

...Dag I really need to try that sometime. Is it like eggplant parmesan style or what?

Don't use meat alternatives?

I think portobello mushrooms are best tasting "meat alternative" because they have a bit of a beefy flavor to me.

Normally I don't buy them, but I got these for free and I'm not about to refuse free food.

Portobello mushrooms are excellent yes!

I don't do much meat alternatives, because I've never eaten meat in the first place. But I find that ground fake meats like fake meatballs and sausages taste WAY better than fake whole meats like chicken and ham and stuff. Apart from that, uh I don't know. I eat extra-firm tofu marinated and stir-fried in oil and vinaigrette and seasonings with...well, a whole load of things.

Hilarious thing about me: fried chicken is literally my favorite smell on earth, despite not knowing anything about how it tastes.

I honestly like most of the big-name meat alternatives, but then again I haven't eaten real meat in ten years. It's probably a matter of comparing it to the real thing? I dunno. But if the taste bugs you, either try a different brand or just avoid them all together. Real veggie "alternatives" are better for you, anyway, and you won't compare.

I dunno because I don't bother with meat alternatives. If I liked meat in the first place, I wouldn't be a vegetarian - so I don't put things that are pretend meat in my food. With the exception of veggie sausage because that's a texture and spice thing.

Aside from "don't bother with fake meat", I dunno... some brands might be better than others. My girlfriend is not vegetarian but sometimes gets this stuff with the name "Gardein" (garden protein) anyway, and she says that's pretty good. Myself, I go with stuff like black bean burgers that don't taste like meat, but taste good, like the stuff they're actually made of.

They seriously can vary - I've tasted some that are absolutely awful, but others are absolutely wonderful (VegiDeli has some AMAZING chicken-style pieces).

Thanks, I will keep this in mind for if I am ever missing the animal based proteins.

1. Go to your local food-selling place.
2. Locate "portobello" or "mini bello" mushrooms.
3. Buy the mushrooms.
4. Buy steak seasoning. Can be the high-end stuff OR the cheapo Clubhouse stuff.
5. Return to CnC lair.
6. Cook mushrooms with steak spice.
7. Use cooked 'shrooms any way you would use steak, pizza toppings, steak and fries, etc.
8. ?????
9. PROFIT!!!

Well I may be a meat eater now, but I grew up vegetarian.

I find meat substitutes that try hard to copy meat end up a bit flat on flavour. I would say try around for a meat substitute with a flavour you like when you eat it plain, then use it in whatever you wish.

This comes from the fact that I still love Sanitarium canned meat substitutes like Nutolene and Nutmeat (both very peanutty in flavour), as well as their more recent vegetarian sausages, even though, as I mentioned, I eat meat.

(Sanitarium Healthfood Company - an Australian company run by the Seventh-Day Adventist church, who promote healthy - preferably vegetarian - diets. They also produce Australia's most popular breakfast cereal, Weet-Bix. I grew up on Sanitarium stuff because I'm an Adventist.)

Use mushrooms and marinate them.

Or if you use other things, soak those in marinade too. I've never used fake chicken but I've done pizza with TVP on it and it's fine when it's been soaked a while beforehand in a mix of soy sauce, balsalmic vinegar, and spices.

Maybe it's the brand of the "fake chicken"? Anyway, if you got the crust perfectly, I'd already said you did an amazing job! ^^ Don't be disappointed.

Try topping the pizza with veggies next time ;3 Eggplant and bell peppers are great. So are caramelized onion and asparragus. Oh! And yes, portobello and SPECIALLY oyster mushrooms are AMAZING to get a "meaty" flavor with great texture. I like to sautee my oyster mushrooms with a little bit of olive oil, garlic, cumin and oregano. Soy sauce optional. It's better than steak.

Try a different brand. It is amazing the difference. Some taste like cardboard and I swear some I had to double check because they taste just like chicken/meat.

Also, try soaking the fake meat in whatever flavor before cooking. Marinating, let that shit soak it all up. In your case I'd say let it sit in your BBQ sauce for awhile before cooking.

Sadly a lot of meat alternatives are a case of trial and error. But once you find a brand you like make sure to write it down! I am constantly forgetting what I like and what I've tried and keep wasting money.

[ SECRET POST #2541 ]

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