fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2543 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2543 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

[Fangirl]

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02.

[Anne Neville, The White Queen]

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03.

[Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellan]

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04.

[Merlin]

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05.

[Elementary]

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06.

[Whitechapel]

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07.

[Grey's Anatomy]

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08.

(Legend of Korra)

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09.

[Papa Pear Saga + Doctor Who]

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10.

[Godfrey Gao as Magnus Bane in "The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones"]

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11.

[Kwon Yuri, Tiffany Hwang and Jessica Jung of Girls' Generation]

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12.

[Les Miserables/Anton Zetterholm/Rob Houchen]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01pages, 015 secrets from Secret Submission Post #363.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

This was my first semester at college. I was doing so fucking well. SO well. I was taking 15 credit hours and owning it. I was meeting up with my therapist every week without fail. I was making an effort to be social. I was on an amazing health kick-- eating fabulously and exercising regularly and being all 'positive'. I was handling my own affairs, appointments, money, everything.

And then I fucked it up.

A WEEK after I aced all of my midterms, rocked an important presentation, and even made a few sort-of friends...I left.

It's like I just...deflated. Or emptied out. God, I don't even know what happened. I just decided to stay home one day and that was it. I never left. I've been holed up in my house for 2 months and the semester is over and my case at the psych clinic has been closed and I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME. I thought this was it, that I was finally going to get my shit together and LIVE the way I wanted to. And then I had to go and ruin it all for no fucking reason whatsoever. What was the fucking point?

So now I'm anxious as fuck and depressed as hell and I deserve every second of it for fucking up my life once again. God, I just want to fucking die.

I don't even know what to do. No, I know what to do. I'm just too chicken shit to do it.

I wonder if this is what the rest of my life will be like. Me going out there and cleaning up my shit and getting my life on track and then doing something to make it all come crashing down at my feet. 22 years old and you'd think I'd learn. Apparently not.

That happened to me too. Several times actually. It wasn't fun. I'm still trying though. I've made some changes (moving home instead of being on my own, trying to go to school part time so that I won't get overwhelmed) but I'm still going.

You can still finish school if that's what you want to do. You can also make new goals if you decide that it's not for you. Either one is okay.

Don't be too hard on yourself. These things happen sometimes. The best you can do is accept it and keep moving forward.

I wish you the best of luck and I hope you can stop beating yourself up. I know it's difficult.

It's just a setback. It happens. You're human. You don't deserve depression and anxiety and misery, you deserve happiness and help and good things.

If you want to go back to school you can talk to your professors and the administrators and explain your situation. I did something very similar to you and a lot of professors were really very supportive. It'll take work for sure, but if its something you want I think it's probably do-able.

Then again, maybe school isn't what you want. Which is fine too.

Try not to be too hard on yourself. Things happen. People fuck up. The important thing is to move forward and keep trying.

Hey um I'm not in a position to like give life advice or anything but these things happen. To everyone. No one is all highs and a lot of people need to recharge after a overstimulating period, especially a period of excellent ass-kicking.

It IS hard but it IS worth it. You know how you just decided to stay home that day? Tomorrow can be the day you just decided to go out. Go back to the clinic, figure out what triggered your shutdown, and get everything back on track again. It'll be easier this time because really all you did was reset to your last save point so you know at least you can do it and maybe this time you'll figure out how to defeat the big boss for good.

I'm not saying you're wrong and won't crash again but I am saying that the next time maybe you'll check out for shorter and shorter periods, making more progress each time before you need a break, until eventually you just have singular bad days or moods like a successful shit-having-mostly-together person.

And there's always my motto: NOBODY CAN OFFICIALLY CALL YOU A FAILURE UNTIL YOU QUIT

Also dude we're 22. We haven't even begun to learn. This is the decade we're supposed to be stupid and gain all our learning experiences. Our generation is probably going to live to be 100 years old and we will look back on our twenties and think "Oh my god I was a giant baby playing grownup. How was I allowed out without someone to supervise me at all times?"

Edited 2013-12-20 03:59 (UTC)

I'm sorry you had this terrible experience, and there's no magic way to fix it, but it's not the rest of your life. I did something very similar, but it was not the end of the world. People are willing to help and you deserve help. I was readmitted after submitting a letter and it wasn't even my first semester, which is a whole new level of stressful that everyone will understand. You just have to ask. If you were already seeing a therapist and were doing well in the semester before this happened, you are the kind of person that medical deferrals were invented for. So I still fuck things up, but I've gotten better at asking, and I've gotten better at recognizing what works and what doesn't, and things have gotten better. So there's that.

You know it's a pattern, and you say you know what to do to break out of it. That's great, but of course that's only the easy part; sticking with the "positive" and kicking yourself back up is hard when you're used to crashing.

I don't want to assume too much here, but you sound rather self-defeating, like you almost purposefully set up your own "failure" when you're doing well. Been there, and I wish I could say that I overcame it (especially on my own), but it's more accurate to say I'm overcoming it. If I didn't have folk in real life, and online too, that cared enough to push me out of bed, I don't think I would be so well. Now I don't know if that's apathy, or that you are depressed, but I hope you don't feel you have to do this all on your own. Good luck. It may take a few more falls, and a lot more feeling disheartened, but I hope you get back up just as many times.

[ SECRET POST #2543 ]

I FUCKED UP.

Re: I FUCKED UP.

Re: I FUCKED UP.

Re: I FUCKED UP.

INTERNET HUGS

Re: I FUCKED UP.

[ SECRET POST #2543 ]

I FUCKED UP.

Re: I FUCKED UP.

Re: I FUCKED UP.

Re: I FUCKED UP.

*INTERNET HUGS*

Re: I FUCKED UP.

INTERNET HUGS