fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2546 ]

[ SECRET POST #2546 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2546 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

__________________________________________________

03.

__________________________________________________

04.

__________________________________________________

05.

__________________________________________________

06.

__________________________________________________

07.

__________________________________________________

08.

__________________________________________________

09.

__________________________________________________

10.

__________________________________________________

11.

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 054 secrets from Secret Submission Post #363.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Trigger warning for talk of suicide.

I'm really proud of myself and I have nobody else to talk to about this so I'm sharing with you all.

All my life I've been suicidal. Not like actively, but it's just been this idea that yeah, I'll kill myself. I lived my life with that kind of mindset. I didn't own much, I kept my things organized, my computers free of any downloads and clean. All to make things easier for when I died.

A bit ago I made the decision that I had to either do it or shut up about it;. I either had to kill myself or stop allowing myself to think of that as an option and start living my life with actual plans for the long haul. It's been a really slow process and I don't really feel like much has changed. Until the today.

I was rooting around on my computer and realized that I have a ton of fanvids, fic, gifs, fic outlines, bookmarks, pictures, and even some porn saved on my computer. Guys, this is huge. This is not the computer I had even a year ago, and for me it marks this really weirdly proud moment of "Look, I'm not living my life like I'm about to swallow a bunch of pills come tomorrow!" And I'm just kind of proud of myself and my subconscious.

To make this not all about me - anyone else have any similar little things? Moments that mark that a change is working? Or just something you're proud of but don't really have anyone to share with?

That's great :) Go computer porn, vids, gifs, outlines and others! You're subconscious is awesome.

I have been finishing more things lately. In the past, I wasn't the biggest finisher in the world, but recently I've been finishing tasks/games/books. To others that might be small, but to me, that's a huge improvement from where I was over the past few years.

I don't really have anything right now, but I'm looking at getting my first publication pretty soon. I feel pretty good about that.

I'm happy for you anon.

What kind of publication?

Oh just a small thing I "discovered" about a piece of Russian science fiction literature while I was analyzing it that no one has hit on before. Has to do with a description of astrophysics in the text which reveals the location of the story's setting; something people have been questioning for a long time because it's never explicitly stated.

My prof was impressed enough that she's on my ass to publish the paper in a journal.

That sounds pretty interesting.

Also now I'm wondering, would you be a good person to ask for recomemendations for Russian and/or science fiction literature? I enjoy both those categories.

I absolutely am. What are you looking for, exactly?

I have no idea. Hmm. I'm not really that picky.

I guess just tell me about some books you think are good that I might not have heard of. I spend a lot of time reading all kinds of "best of" lists so you can skip ones that are really well-known. I'd like to know about some overlooked ones.

Hmm. Well I'm not sure these two made any best of lists outside of Russia yet, but Omon Ra by Viktor Pelevin and The Slynx by Tatyana Tolstaya are good examples of modern science fiction.

You've probably heard of the Strugatsky brothers, but anything they have done is worth a read.

Off the cuff and awesome/hilarious soviet era science fiction: The Fatal (sometimes translated Fateful) Eggs by Mikhail Bulgakov.

You have also probably heard of Yevgeny Zamyatin's We, but it's still an interesting one to read if you feel like doing a bit of literary analysis.

I've read The Slynx and We and I've heard of The Fatal Eggs but haven't read that yet (but I have read The Master and Margarita). I'll look into the others. Thanks!

No problem! Most if not all of those can be found online.

And if you decide you are all literature'd out and just want something kind of pulpy to read, I'd also recommend The Night Watch by Sergei Lukyanenko.

That's been on my to read list forever but I still haven't gotten to it yet. So many great books to read and so little time.

That's great! Definitely celebrate that!

I've been noticing how much I've gotten better at interacting with people. Better at talking to strangers online, better at making small talk with people I come across in real life, better at talking through problems with friends. I'm really proud of myself because social anxiety makes these things so difficult. I don't even start shaking after posting something like this anymore.

Now that's a birthday present for me -- the knowledge that someone, somewhere has decided not to give up.

Keep it up anon. <3

Ooo, I almost forgot. Happy birthday, man! (I have no relevant gifs, sorry. Hope you've had a good one, though!) -insert doom or fallout gif here-

That's major, anon! It sounds like you've made a lot of progress! (And are happier because of it. Congrats!)

The past few months I've been working on being healthier and losing weight, and it's going really well. (I've lost 40 pounds!) My clothes fit differently, I feel better physically, and I have more confidence. So I'm going to continue working on that into the new year. I'm proud of myself because I'm a lazy asshole but I've managed to work out almost every single day since I started.

Well done anon!

Ummm I guess a pivotal moment would be years ago, when a math teacher explained to our class (of strugglers) that we may not understand or be naturally good at something, but as long as we kept working at it our skill set would slowly creep upwards and we may become as good as the people who naturally 'got it'...and if the people who could do it naturally didn't sharpen their skill set, then we may even surpass them!

Kinda stupid but I keep it in mind, because I seem to be constantly surrounded by friends getting phds and becoming neurosurgeons* so it's nice to think of...I also like to remind myself I got accepted to a Masters without having done my honors. Had to drop out due to lack of funds though. But at least I have the potential?

But I'm going to work hard and get my secure job/career and get my house and my dog and garden...

*not even joking

You should definitely keep that in mind. I've learned to value hard work a lot more than natural talent and I wish that attitude was more common.

Congrats OP! I have spent a good portion of my life struggling with depression and being suicidal as well. It's not as bad as it used to be. And in fact I haven't felt that way in awhile. I'm glad to hear that you're living your life. I hope you continue to be positive and be awesome!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2546 ]

Proud moments

Re: Proud moments

Re: Proud moments

Re: Proud moments

Re: Proud moments

Re: Proud moments

Re: Proud moments

Re: Proud moments

Re: Proud moments

Re: Proud moments

Re: Proud moments

Re: Proud moments

Re: Proud moments

Re: Proud moments

Re: Proud moments

Re: Proud moments

Re: Proud moments

Re: Proud moments

Re: Proud moments

Re: Proud moments