fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2561 ]

[ SECRET POST #2561 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2561 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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02.

[Breaking Bad]

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03.

[The Hobbit]

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04.

[Monster]

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[Hannibal]

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[Law and Order SVU]

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[GTA V]

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08.

[Meitantei no Okite]

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09.

[The Big Bang Theory]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 043 secrets from Secret Submission Post #366.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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One year to the day since I lost a close friend to drama. I haven't stopped dwelling on it since. (I'm not sure why, because it happens to me all the time, and I usually get over it in a couple of months. Bzuh.)

I'm sorry. That's never fun.

Any chance of fixing things? I just started talking to a friend again after several months of not talking because of a fight.

Or do you think you're better off without that person in your life now? I know I still miss some people even though I'm glad I don't have to deal with them anymore.

Either way I hope you can find some peace of mind.

She was pretty toxic, all things considered. I know I'm a lot better off without her, but...if she came to me, wanting to be friends again, I can't imagine saying no. Fortunately (?), I highly doubt she ever will.

I know that feeling. Hopefully you will be able to get to a place where you remember the good times while being glad to be away from the toxic parts of the relationship. That's where I am with some lost relationships and it's much better than where I am with others.

Weird, I don't remember posting this comment.

It hurts, but the perspective you gain from getting out is incredible. Dealing with healthier people (friends, acquaintances, even total strangers) really helped me. Take care of yourself.

I understand anon. :( My best friend stopped talking to me about two months ago. It was for one mistake on my part (that I apologized profusely for) and then some stuff she perceived that I don't understand the origin of completely. She has also changed quite a bit...world view wise. It hurts whenever I think about it. And I also have no idea what to do with the birthday gift I got her.

do a tumblr giveaway

Worldview...that was a lot of the problem between us, and I feel it's what eventually broke us apart. We liked hanging out together, and we had our jokes and our teasing, and we told each other our problems and secrets, but in the end, we just couldn't understand each other when we really needed to. The lens through which she saw me and my actions might as well have been a kaleidoscope to me, and I'm sure it was the same in the opposite direction.

Yeah she has turned very...SJW-y. And some of it is just ridiculous shit.

For instance I reblog something from her about Lil Cricket, a gas station where we came from. I sang the jingle from the radio commercial everrryyyoonnneeee knows. Someone told her it was "OMG THAT IS SO RACIST!!!" Because the word cricket was once a derogatory term for black people. But I looked it up and while it was one, it was a term used in the midwest in like the 1800s. Also, there is literally no proof that that is the reasoning behind the name. So she told me I had to delete the post because it came from her blog. And she bitched at me until I did.

She has also gotten into some other stuff that I don't feel entirely comfortable with.

http://www.cricket.com.au/

Also, I once had a confusing conversation with someone from England who was horrified at Australia's favourite cheese, they wouldn't even tell me what the problem was
http://www.coon.com.au/products.html

Honestly, I know how coon has been used as a derogatory term. But there are also (ra)coon hounds and (ra)coon hunting. So I don't ever think of it that way.

That is really fucking stupid. You might be better off without her.

Maybe, but we have been friends since kindergarten. :(

That sucks. Hopefully she'll realize how ridiculous she's being in the future.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2014-01-07 04:25 (UTC) - Expand

Well, that's just not... cricket.

Badum tish, I'm here all week folks!

I feel you on the worldview differences. There were just some things we couldn't see eye-to-eye on when it came to one of my past friendships, not to mention the borderline emotional abuse I withstood.

That sounds a lot like what happened with me and the friend that I have tentatively reconciled with. Fortunately our worldviews aren't too different except for a few sore points. Now I'm scrambling to find a late Christmas present to give her since I hadn't planned anything.

I second the idea to do a tumblr giveaway for the birthday present. I've seen several giveaways that started with something like that.

I'll see if someone on my FB wants it, and if not TO TUMBLR!

Why not donate it to a charity with a thrift shop/second hand store?

It is a poster of the skull guy from Ronin...47? 7? Ronin ##. I might see if someone on my FB wants it.

Honestly, that would actually fit in with the vast array of weird stuff most thrift stores carry. Plus, it would end up being more normal [and less soul sucking] than a lot of what they're bound to have.

Perhaps you subconsciously believe you could have controlled the situation.

Perhaps you're just more hurt by it than you otherwise would have been if it wasn't a close friend.

Perhaps it was even your fault and you don't want to admit it yet.

I have no idea, and I'm not judging, but those are the usual suspects when it comes to mentally rehashing. If this is a thing that happens routinely with you though, it might be time to examine why.

I have an inkling of a possible reason, but it's complicated. The thing is, I make good first impressions, but underneath that I'm pretty intense, and the longer I'm friends with someone, the less I can conceal that. So I've had a lot of people simply stop wanting me around, and eventually I catch on. That's what usually happens.

But with her, it was different: she was doing something I found insulting and refused to stop, so I fought back for once. As I said in my response to kaijin, she and I had such different mindsets that she actually could not understand why I was bothered by what she was doing. And I was at a loss to explain it, because it seemed so fundamentally obvious to me. To this day it still does. So what felt to me like standing up for myself looked like a random act of betrayal to her.

Granted, I acknowledged even back then that I wasn't completely in the right with what I did, but it led to some unexpected consequences courtesy of a third party, and she blamed me for that as well, which I do feel was unwarranted.

Jesus, I should just type up the actual fucking story if I'm going to be trying to explain this shit. XP

You can if you want. Sometimes it helps you work through it and get some perspective if you are reading your own thoughts on the matter.

I find all relationship matters are complicated, even the one with ostensibly black and white answers involved. Everyone's reasoning is born of hundreds of thousands of contingencies and experiences, but understanding your own can help you to stop making the same mistake in the future. ...In this case it might just be that you need to start living by the old adage of "be yourself" in order to make friends that will match your personality type.

Aww, I feel you on that. I had to cut a friendship out a few months ago (practically my best friend, too) because of drama and the hateful, vindictive things she said to me due to it. She had no remorse for what she said, and ignored me in order to force an apology from me, even though there were missteps from both of us. So I decided that the best thing to do was to cut her loose, because I was not going to be emotionally manipulated by anyone, especially by someone who thought it was okay to intentionally hurt me. I still think about it quite a bit, even though it was my decision to dissolve the friendship. I wouldn't say it's guilt, but more that I'm still so pissed off that someone who I was so close to thought it was acceptable to treat a friend like that.

I don't have any advice because I'm struggling with the same problem, but I know that the feelings will fade with time. Even if it takes a lot of time.

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