fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2583 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2583 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 043 secrets from Secret Submission Post #369.
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Normally, I just ignore them because they're stupid. But this was so off-the-wall, OMG-ARE-YOU-FUCKING-KIDDING-ME, hillarious stupid, that I wanted to share:

Several versions of this has come around. This “New Modern Version” of the story seems awfully relevant!!

The ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER

This one is a little different.... Two Different Versions ... Two Different Morals

OLD VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE OLD STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

MODERN VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving..

CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green ...'

Occupy the Anthill stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the SEIU group singing, “We shall overcome”.

Then Rev Al Sharpton's assistant has the group kneel down to pray for the grasshopper while he damns the ants. The Reverend Al can not attend as he has contractual commitments to appear on his MSNBC show for which he is paid over two million dollars a year to complain that rich people do not care.

President Obama condemns the ant and blames President Bush 43, President Bush 41, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the Pope for the grasshopper's plight….

Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview on The View that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government Green Czar and given to the grasshopper .

The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and peaceful, neighborhood.

The entire Nation collapses bringing the rest of the free world with it.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote in 2014 and 2016.

I've sent this to you because I believe that you are an ant (or need to be an ant) not a grasshopper !

Make sure that you pass this on to other ants .

Don't bother sending it on to any grasshoppers because they wouldn't understand it, anyway

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...are you sure the chain email was serious? Like, it wasn't one of those cases where conservatives think that Stephen Colbert is actually a conservative?

Unfortunately I just googled the first couple lines, and it's in earnest.

Did Chuck Asay write that?

wow, nice bonus thinly-veiled racism at the end there too.

LOL. Poor grasshoppers are poor because they don't save enough or work hard enough! Come on! 800 dollars a month can totally afford rent, food, electricity, transportation fees, and health insurance!

That's loltastic, and so stupid I feel comfortable unironically using the term 'loltastic' to describe it.

Czar
voting

wtfamireading.jpg

Don't bother sending it on to any grasshoppers because they wouldn't understand it, anyway

"Yes! Only YOU know the truth! You can be assured of your superiority, because your perception of reality is 100% correct, and everyone else are sheeple!"

Accurate Version:

The ant wants an anthill, but he even though he has all the dirt and twigs he needs to build it, he does not want to build it himself. He tells the grasshopper that if he builds the ant a house, the ant will give him food and shelter for winter.

The grasshopper, not having enough twigs and dirt to build a home on his own, agrees. All summer, the grasshopper works away at building the anthill while the ant sits off to the side, telling him what to do.

Come winter, the ant gives the grasshopper a single blade of grass to eat and two leaves.

"What?" says the ant. "I gave you food and shelter! You can eat that grass and if you get some twigs and dirt you can build a shelter with those leaves!"

"The grass will not feed me for a day, let alone the winter!" the grasshopper protests. "And where can I get twigs and dirt, when I used up all there is to build your anthill?"

"Not my problem," says the ant.

"I just need a few twigs and a spoonful of dirt, and a dozen more blades of grass!" the grasshopper said. "Just to keep me fed and sheltered through winter. I can get everything else I need after that."

"Not my problem," the ant repeats as he crawls into his hill. "You should have worked harder instead of being such a freeloader."

Are you a socialist?! That grasshopper was paid what the market would allow for his services! Stop blaming job creators like the ant for your laziness. My grandpa turned a blade of grass and one leaf into a multimillion dollar empire that I worked my ass off to inherit from him.

My grandpa turned a blade of grass and one leaf into a multimillion dollar empire that I worked my ass off to inherit from him.

I can't stop cackling at this.

Upon first read of the subject line, I really hoped he had actually sent you chainmail. Like, armor. :D

Oh the not even thinly veiled racism.

AMERICA

FUCK YEAH

[ SECRET POST #2583 ]

So my conservative dad just sent me this chain mail...

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