[ SECRET POST #2585 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2585 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


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02.
[Monster High]


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03.
[Bryan Fuller, John Green]


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04.
[Star Trek: The Next Generation]


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05.
[Pretty Little Liars]


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06.
[Breaking Bad]


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07.
[Shin Megami Tensei: Strange Journey]


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08.
[Reign]


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09.
[Leviathan: the last day of the decade]


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10.
[Sherlock Holmes]


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11.
[Steam]


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12.















Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 017 secrets from Secret Submission Post #369.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Your rant thread of the day

[kryptoncat]

My mother is something else, I swear.

We usually call each other every day, and half of the conversation is her telling me about her day, which is fine with me. The other half is usually her telling me how to live my life, describing what she wants me to do in step-by-step processes, and then making me confirm that I will do what she says the way she said it. I know she means well, but it gets really annoying and is the opposite of encouraging.

And then every once in a while I am reminded that my family is full of homophobes. The other day I called her just wanting to talk about Daft Punk winning their Grammys. I had forgotten the Grammys hosted a lot of gay weddings this year. Big mistake. I got the whole 'gay marriage is wrong' speech told to me again, as well as some extra helpings of 'the bible says...' that's not actually supported by the bible. And then she started asking me questions about what I believed and I just couldn't.

The worst part of that conversation was that she said she wanted me to think for myself and do what I know is right. The last time I spoke my mind to her about gay marriage, I was very innocent and had no idea how upset my mom would be with me. She wouldn't talk to me for hours, she made me cry, and it was pretty scary for a while, because before that night we had such a good relationship. But then I got old enough to start 'thinking for myself'. I'm not trying my luck around her again. "Think for myself" my foot; anything that's not what she agrees with is completely unacceptable.

So I told her exactly what she wanted to hear, and I'm sure she knows I'm lying just so she can keep holding onto her fantasy version of me. I wish it didn't have to be this way.

Re: Your rant thread of the day

[lunabee34]

*hugs*

I'm so sorry. I know how that feels. I wish I had some advice that went beyond endure.

Re: Your rant thread of the day

[(Anonymous)]

Oh man, OP, your mother sounds exactly like mine (especially the whole "Do this thing and follow these steps so I'll be happy with you".) It's mainly to relieve her own fears about me - it's almost like she thinks the more she worries about me, the more she loves me.

My father is incredibly homophobic (and sexist, and racist, he's got the whole trifecta!) And he says some really sweet, kind things sometimes, and most of the time he's a caring dad - but I would never, ever tell him that I'm bi.

Not sure if I'd tell my mother either. Sometimes she seems supportive of LGBTQ rights. (Once she said: "I'm worried that what if we're wrong? What if it's the same as the race thing, and we'll look back in ten years time, and realize we were wrong?") But other times she also comes out with some awful stuff, and she really, really wants me to get married to a nice boy and have grandkids.

I'm sure she knows I'm lying just so she can keep holding onto her fantasy version of me.
UGH I know that feeling. The tug of war between the parent's fantasy version of how they want you to be, and how you actually are.

Re: Your rant thread of the day

[(Anonymous)]

How awful, I'm so sorry. :( Her daily phone calls sound like really good candidates for pulling the "It was nice talking to you Mom but I have to go, love you bye" as soon as she starts in on the negative stuff, though. This sounds bad, but sometimes it helps to approach this stuff like you're training a puppy: reward the good behavior (like giving her your time and attention for nice conversations) and discourage the bad (like firmly and lovingly cutting off the conversation when it goes sour).

The only thing is that this has to be consistent to work. Every phone call is a fresh slate, you can start off celebrating your great relationship but the second it goes bad, you're done.

Re: Your rant thread of the day

[(Anonymous)]

before that night we had such a good relationship

I hate to break it to you, but no, you didn't.

If you had any semblance of a good relationship, she wouldn't have flipped her shit and ignored you. She wouldn't have treated you like shit for having an opinion. I don't know how old you were when you first spoke to her about gay marriage, but a real parent doesn't treat their kid like that. And when they fuck up, they recognize that they fucked up, they own up to it and take responsibility for the wrong they did, and make a genuine effort not to repeat the mistake.

You seem to be of the opinion that your situation can't change. I'm not sure why that's the case, if you're financially tied to her, or if everyone is making you feel the situation can't change. You say you two talk on the phone every day. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, but I wonder if this constant communication is a factor in why you feel you can't speak your mind, or at least lay down some boundaries.

Unsolicited advice warning: Next time she starts telling you how to live your life, you could tell her that you appreciate her concern, but you need to learn how to live your own life. When she insists you think for yourself and do what you know is right, remind her that these things may include thoughts and actions that are inconsistent with her own, that she may not care for or approve of. Then own those thoughts and actions. If she flips her shit over that, remind her of what she told you. If her reaction is something along the lines of "well, I didn't mean for you to do THAT!" then at least you know she hasn't changed. It should be confirmation that you deserve better people in your life.

You should probably cut your phone calls from daily to every other day, and then eventually to twice a week, and then once a week. It really helps to set boundaries.

If that fails, you should consider putting some serious distance between you. Regardless of what happens, I hope you find awesome people you like and who you don't have to hide yourself from because they are accepting of who you are. I'm not knocking family, because I know there are a lot of terrific families out there. But we're not all born into them. Good news is, once we're adults, we have a choice of which people to keep in our lives. Regardless of how much society will guilt trip you into believing, you don't need to keep toxic family members close. But of course, it's still your choice. It just depends on your needs and how you wish to handle the situation.