fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2604 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2604 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Star Trek: The Next Generation]

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03.

[Sherlock BBC]

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04.

[Zero Escape: Virtue's Last Reward]

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05.

[Elementary]

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06.

[SPN]

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07.

[Pacific Rim]

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[Harry Potter]

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[Game of Thrones]

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[Thor: Dark World]

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11.

[Breaking Bad]

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[My Neighbor Totoro]

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13.

[Robocop]

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14.

[Unsounded]

Notes:

Sorry about the late!

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 051 secrets from Secret Submission Post #372.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

My best friend is 10+ years older than me (I'm a 'young adult'). We've gotten along great for years but lately she's gotten... bossy, I guess is the best word for it. She even goes so far as to call herself my elder sometimes - with a joking winky face, but in a serious conversation where she's trying to assert her opinion over mine.

She's quick to tell me what to do about my personal problems, but brushes off my advice to her and seems to think I can't possibly understand ("You'll understand someday").

The thing is it's definitely happening, but it's not blatant enough to tell her off about. We've never had a fight and I have bad social anxiety and I just don't know if I should: back away from this friendship, put up with it since I like her friendship and it's only about once a week, or find some way to bring it up which I'm sure will result in hurt feelings.

The thing about friendships is that eventually you'll come upon a disagreement or a change of attitude that you will clash over. The only solution to that is talking about it. Tell her that it's because you value her friendship that you are bringing this up-- if you guys get along as well as you say, she should at least understand that your concerns are legitimate. You're an adult too, even if you're younger, so it's unfair of her to treat you like a kid.

Don't worry. The occasional disagreement is not enough to bring a real friendship down.

Next time she makes an "I'm your elder" joke, just don't go along with the joke - just say, seriously, that while she's joking about it right now, more and more it feels like she's actually believing it and it's starting to tick you off.

List off these examples/situations, and acknowledge that they are all extremely minor issues, and that any one or even a few on their own would not be cause for concern - but all of them together, are. One other thing to bring up is that it's very likely she isn't doing this intentionally - she probably doesn't realize that this behavior (which is most likely picked up from other interactions with other people your age/a decade younger than her and then accidentally transferred to you*) is even happening, let alone that it even would irritate you.

There's a very good chance she's not going to react well to this - no matter how you phrase it, it's going to feel like a rejection of her help and possibly even friendship - so be prepared to need to step away and cool off before returning to the problem. I would make sure she knows you're serious about coming back to it, though.

And, of course, don't let her brush it off - maybe she'll try to sidestep the problem when you first bring it up and context/circumstances may mean it is better off to drop it for the moment. Just make sure to come back to it, and come back to it soon.

* = I don't know for sure, this is just a hypothesis based on likelihood + what you described. You know your situation, and hers, way better than I do, so take all this advice with a grain of salt.

[ SECRET POST #2604 ]

'OIder and Wiser' Friend

Re: 'OIder and Wiser' Friend

Re: 'OIder and Wiser' Friend