fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2615 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2615 ⌋

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This is mostly about my dad, because although my mother is pretty isolated as well, she at least talks to her sister (and she has a paranoid disdain for other people, cough).

My dad's a rather quiet guy. He came here as immigrant and now he's retired. He speaks the language well enough, but makes habitual mistakes.

While he and my mother get along very well, he doesn't have contact with anybody else. I assumed that he had friends before his kids were born and before moving away from his home country, but now that I think about it, he never mentioned anybody aside from co workers and dogs (at least my mother mentions some friends).
Once he even said that his main reason for wanting children was that they can be your friends when they grow up. That's not a problem for me, I enjoy hanging out with him. However I naturally can't spent as much time with him as I used to. While he encouraged me to move out and apply for stuff that would make me move even further away, I can't help but feel guilty when I notice how lonely he gets.

tldr: My question is, how can I help a quiet pensioner with a bit of a language barrier who doesn't seem to have much experience making friends, make friends. Or should I just buy him a dog?

Encourage him to join a group or something that he'd be interested in, language barrier or not, it's a good way to make friends. There could also be something in his area for people who speak the language and he could possibly bond over that.

A pet could help, but it's no substitute for human interaction. And obviously, don't force a dog on someone who doesn't want one.

hmmh, good idea with the language.
I don't think he would go anywhere just by himself though. And if he goes somewhere with my mom, chances are that she'll start to hate the people there (and think they're part of the catholic mafia or something).

edit: I could go with him, of course, but I feel like people see us as a father daughter duo and are discouraged to speak with just him, or think they're imposing, especially when he's not very outgoing. Basically I have no idea how to get him to meet people without having my mom there.

well, if you buy him a dog people might make contact with him to pet the dog

how about choir singing. Apparently psychologically it gives you a feeling of community without actually having to socialize directly and it's good for the voice.

You're very sweet to be looking out for your father like this. You seem to indicate that he's too shy to leave the house by himself to go to events, but does he use the internet? If so, maybe you can ease him into some social interaction by trying to introduce him to forums/related things that deal with some of his interests. He may not go for it at first, but I think it's worth a shot

Are there any places locally that tend to attract other immigrants from the same background?

My dad always finds people to talk to when he's at our local pizza place. It's family owned, and the owners are from the same area my dad was born in. The Italian community in my town all eat there, go there for birthdays, bring family and friends from out of town.

I know there are a few pubs and other restaurants, clubs, and businesses around that have the same sort of attraction to other groups.

I know my dad is a different story because he's very loud and friendly, but once you've made one good acquaintance the introductions sort of happen on their own.

Having similar experiences can be a good starting point for a friendship.

[ SECRET POST #2615 ]

lonely parents?

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