fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2617 ]

[ SECRET POST #2617 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2617 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

As a note, social justice is not a fandom. Tumblr itself is not a fandom.

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 051 secrets from Secret Submission Post #374.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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People can get kind of obnoxious with that "this is my blog!" thing though. I haven't caused trouble over this word before but I have occasionally asked people if they could not say something and it was honestly just a question and they were free to say no, but they acted like I screamed and insulted them. I get that they may have had some bad experiences with people who were meaner than me but if I give them the benefit of the doubt by not assuming that they're being intentionally hateful, I'd like to get a similar benefit of the doubt that I'm not just trying to feel superior to them.

If you actually said "could you not say [word]", it's pretty doubtful that it came off like "honestly just a question". "Could you not [x]" doesn't exactly literally mean "are you physically incapable of not doing [x]". It's usually just a passive-agressive way of saying "don't do [x]". So if those were the words you used, then you probably didn't come off as just asking a question to which they would be free to say no.

I generally phrase it more as "would you mind...?"

Actually I don't tend to ask at all anymore because no matter how much I go out of my way to be polite and reassure them that I'm not making any assumptions about them, a lot of them still act like I'm attacking them. I just don't have the energy to deal with the disproportionate anger.

Honestly, your line of thinking sounds kind of paranoid. I would not interpret "could you not" that way unless the tone as a whole was passive aggressive. But I guess you've come across a lot more passive aggressive people than I have.

"Would you mind phrasing your posts the way I want them?" Yeah, I don't know why they would think you were attacking them.

I guess you've come across a lot more passive aggressive people than I have.
Clearly. More time on tumblr, perhaps.

But it IS their blog. Asking someone not to say something on their blog is a shitty thing to do no matter what your intentions are. There is no way to ask someone to conform to what you want them to say without insulting them. If you mean to inform them that something they've said has a meaning or connotations they might not be aware of or that they've offended you, then just do that. Otherwise just unfollow them.

I'm just going to have to chalk this up to People Are Different. I really would not care at all if someone asked me to stop saying something. Either I agree with the argument behind it and do it or I disagree and ignore the request. It's really not a big deal. I'm just not going to understand why people get so insulted by this. It's not expecting them to conform to what I want because I don't expect them to do anything. It's a request for courtesy and they are free to do what they want.

I'd just like to point out a side note in this little discussion: Sometimes people use offensive language without knowing it. If I was doing so, I'd appreciate someone pointing it out so I could make an informed decision regarding any continued usage. Things like 'gypped', 'welsh', and 'dumb' are almost always known as being negative, but people rarely consider that they're actually insulting Gypsies, Welsh people, and mutes when they say them. I didn't even know dumb meant mute and not stupid until I was almost 20.

I don't think I'm familiar with "welsh". What does it mean? Other than "from Wales", I mean.

It used to mean "to go back on a deal". It's not a very common usage these days, I don't think.

I have literally never heard that.

learned something new today

It's more commonly spelt welch which may be why the confusion.

I always thought that was 'welch'.

Telling someone that they've used an offensive word isn't the same thing as asking them not say it. That's what sarilla doesn't seem to get.

It boils down to "This word means this and is highly offensive," vs. "I don't want you to use this word." The first one is not only acceptable but often welcomed. The second one is rarely going to get a positive response and it's what sarilla says they do.

It's ironic that someone who's so hung up on word usage is completely oblivious to the fact that they're doing the exact same thing and on a larger scale. That particular netiquette is common knowledge whereas literal meanings of words whose common usage is something else isn't as widely known. It also applies to a much larger group of people than most of those types of words.

"It's my blog" arguments get kind of weird when it comes to Tumblr, though- the way the interface works, you can be not following someone or even actively blocking them and still have their content end up on your dash.

It's even more of a mess when it comes to tracked tags- if I post something about an actor or show or whatever and I tag it, I'm not just posting it for my followers to see, I'm effectively posting it to the dashes of every single person tracking that tag (or if the tag is a busy one, all of them who happen to be looking at approximately that time).

I don't entirely disagree with your point, but the distinction between personal/private blogging space and public space is a lot hazier than it is on sites like LJ/DW and I don't think that the rules of netiquette that evolved for those sorts of infrastructures are entirely adequate.

I get that.

I mean if someone is offended by a term I'll try to tag when I use it or use something else. Like I wouldn't use the term "retard" that way.

I've just had some experiences being told to shut up on my blog because I stated an opinion about someone's silly 'revenge' slideshow about what men shouldn't wear because women hate or whatever. Some anon came in my blog telling me to "shut the fuck up" and I was like "lol are you kidding me?"Maybe I'm just biased though? So I apologize.

I see that as being different. Maybe I'm being a hypocrite, but I see someone telling you to avoid a whole subject that you're interested in talking about or to just shut up in general as being different from asking you to avoid a certain word. Usually there are plenty of good synonyms for those controversial words anyway so they can still say what they want to say. And again, they're always free to say no.

I'm just confused about why "it's my blog" is a good refusal but something like "it's my comment" isn't when someone here asks you if you could avoid saying "retard" for example.

Ah ..I understand.

and if you're attacking another person or doing things to harass or bully them it's not "you doing stuff on your own blog"

Just with the word thing...where would it end? I mean people should be using a word to mock or belittle a group, or telling them tot die, but i just seems iffy. especially on tumblr where there's a neverending list of offensive stuff. and "that offends me is often treated like a magic wand of rightnesss.

But people should avoid calling people stuff or using slurs.

Yeah there are definitely people who say "this is offensive" and expect everyone to go along with it without question. But I welcome discussion and I'm not going to attack people for questioning it. I'm also okay with people ignoring me and going about their business if they're not as interested in this stuff as I am. Again, all I'm asking for is the same benefit of the doubt that I'm expected to give other people.

Ah

I see. I apologize, really. I probably sound like a huge jerk.

Like you said, maybe people are just different but I think most people think of it as an ownership/territorial thing. Your own blog = your space, your home, your own personal forum. You wouldn't want someone walking into your house and asking you, even politely, not to do something they didn't like while you're in your own home. (this has limits of course, if you're a serial killer and hiding the bodies there or whatnot... but if you're just, for instance, cursing, or smoking, or looking at porn..)

On the other hand, a comment ANYWHERE ELSE, whether it's a community forum or in someone else's personal journal, you're either a guest and/or at most a co-owner of the space-- you are expected to be respectful either of your host or of your fellow community members... well, I say respectful but this is fandom.

Anyway, to my mind that is where the distinction lies, and why someone would use an "it's my own blog" defense.

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[ SECRET POST #2617 ]

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