Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2014-03-04 06:32 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2014-03-04 06:32 pm
[ SECRET POST #2618 ]
⌈ Secret Post #2618 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 039 secrets from Secret Submission Post #374.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
Re: I had a thought:
Two more questions (I'm actually starting to annoy myself with how much I feel like I need to get to the bottom of this, so I'm sorry):
1. Do you go out and do things with a friend one on one?
2. What if you don't want to sleep with someone yet, for whatever reason? Does that ever happen, and do people establish relationships anyway, or do they just wait?
Re: I had a thought:
1. Yes, quite often. Also with your SO.
2. Then you don't sleep with them... It isn't like sex is the one and only start of a relationship (even if it is a common one). We have done this from a really young age and you don't have sex when you are 10, so the social rules and signals are ingrained in us so sex does not need to happen for you to be in a relationship. I know of plenty relationships that didn't start with sex, including mine.
Re: I had a thought:
1. You spend time together individually with friends and/or an established partner, but not someone you're interested in being with (see, here I would have said dating, half the time we use it to describe an established relationship).
2. You get to know a potential partner within a group setting, off to the side at a friend's house or at a bar.
3. You repeat spending time with this person in those settings until you act on your attraction to whatever extent, but something physical.
4. Then this person becomes your partner by default unless you have a conversation to say otherwise, and then you spend time together individually.
Regarding 3: Is there a lot of kissing going on at people's houses, then? And does a relationship generally always begin by spending a whole night together, sex or not? That's the impression I'm getting.
And one more: What if you're at a bar with your friends and you meet someone you're interested in?
So basically...you just don't spend time with people you're interested in without friends around you. Is that accurate?
Re: I had a thought:
And you are pretty much right, and I just realized a pretty critical point to this whole discussiont that I didn't think about before... We don't date in the sense that we are either together or we aren't, as in we don't really go on dates and spend time together thinking about if we want to be with that person or not.
Not that the we don't think about it or anything, or don't spend time with someone before being their SO, but we don't say to our friends "I've been dating this guy/girl for a month and I think we might become bf/gf", it is more "I kinda like this guy/girl we've flirted for a while and/or spent a lot of time together and now I want to be their gf/bf".
That is probably something that should have been cleared up a lot earlier, but I'm not used to thinking about it.
1. Pretty much, except: We do spend time with people we are interested in alone, but it doesn't have a name or anything like that, I might go out for coffee with someone I am interested in, but then it wouldn't be called dating, it would just be going out with coffee with a guy I like, with American influences I might tell my friend that I vent on a date like thing if that happened. For me personaly that means I hang out with guys that I go to class with before/after lectures and we might end up in a cafë together, but there isn't a social rule or anything like that regarding it, it is just a part of getting to know a person, without thinking of relationships.
2. Mostly yes, see 1.
3. Again see 1. But also, a relationship does usually start with at least kissing, that is where we define the start of a relationship, but individuality does play a part and it depends on the people involved, but typically you aren't in a couple before kissing happens.
4. That is also a question of definitions, it might happen or it might not. I have friends who have more one night stands than me and for the most part the men they sleep with know it is a one night stand, some of them they talk to later, or develop a closer relationship with. Other times they just have to explain that it was just sex and that they don't really want to do anything more with them.
And 3 again: In peoples houses yes. If you are the partying sort pretty much, but not necessarily, because I have spent plenty of nights in other peoples beds with them without ending up being in a relationship with them. We just sleep wherever there are place, because it isn't always easy getting home at night and then you sleep over, and beds are more comfy than floors.
If you meet someone at a bar that you are interested in then you talk to them, you might invite them over to your group of friends or to the after party you are going to, alternatively the other way around. If you are interested we just give them our phone number/facebook info and they might message you (or you them) and ask if you are going out next weekend or something along those lines. Also in that you might talk to them/text them and so on to get to know more about them, and that is also one of those situations where we get closest to actually going on a date, if it is a person that you don't know nor your friends we have to improvise, so we might even get out of or shells and eat with a person we don't particularly now to get to know them better.
So did that make more sense?
Re: I had a thought: