fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #310 ]

⌈ Secret Post #310 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 10 pages, 231 secrets from Secret Submission Post #045.
Secrets Not Posted: 0 broken links, [ 1 ] not!secrets, 0 not!fandom, [ 1 ] too big, [ 1 ] rant of extreme hate, [ 1 2 ] people who need to learn to comment; if there is no NEW secret in the image, it might as well be a repeat.
Next Secret Post: Tomorrow, Monday, November 12th, 2007.
Current Secret Submission Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Re. 24 -- they're not emotionally abusive, imo. They're physically abusive. Or rather, Hermione is physically abusive to Ron. She sets canaries on him in Half-Blood Prince, I believe -- vicious canaries, who actually do him damage -- and then in Deathly Hallows Harry has to put a magical barrier between them because Hermione is physically attacking Ron so viciously. And then there's the fact that when Ron does or even thinks anything Hermione doesn't agree with, she pretty much emotionally blackmails him; and then she frequently tries to tear down his self-esteem (insulting him, etc.); but then if Ron dares to insult or question her, she flips.

I just think that if Hermione were a guy, and Ron were a girl, but their behaviours were still the same, everybody would be in an uproar. ::shrug::

Well, both of them are supremely bitchy at each other, but I think a lot of that doesn't qualify as emotionally abusive. There's a difference between being a bitchy person to argue with (which she certainly is; hell, which I am) and being emotionally abusive. She doesn't tell Ron, "Your opinions are wrong, you're worthless, shut your mouth when real men are talking." She just... argues with him. Hermione isn't trying to hurt him in these arguments and he almost never is hurt by them; she's just -- a bitchy person to argue with, she wants to WIN.

And there definitely ARE instances of VIOLENCE that aren't excusable as being part of an argument like the ones you mention, but those seem high-tension to me, and not representative of their typical interaction -- like, she doesn't smack him for spilling tea or for disagreeing with her in public. XD

Does that make sense? Again, I'm not speaking as a shipper defending my OTP or "canon" or whatever; I frankly don't care about HP pairings in the least. But to call their relationship abusive in either way seems like hyperbole to me.

(I'm certain that people WOULD think Hermione was a bastard if the genders were swapped and she still pulled the same thing; but it's par for the course in a lot of media (and real life?) that girls can get away with shit that guys would get arrested for.)

I suppose we just have different sensitivities then? XD Because I personally couldn't get past that scene in Deathly Hallows where Hermione was beating Ron up so hard, and refusing to listen him at all etc., that Harry had to forcibly separate them -- I had to put the book down and haven't picked it up since.

So yes. Like I said, different sensibilities, and it's kinda pointless to argue over since it's not real abuse or not-abuse either way ^^ AT THE VERY GREAT RISK OF SOUNDING CLICHE agree to disagree?

XD To be honest, you made it farther than I did. I lost interest way earlier in that book. Maybe I'd feel differently if I'd read that scene, who knows.

Agreeing to disagree sounds good! *makes a great show of hand-shaking, polite bowing, exchanging of business cards*

Hermione isn't trying to hurt him in these arguments and he almost never is hurt by them

Yes. Yes she is. Ron often hurts Hermione thoughtlessly, but Hermione calculated every single thing she did or said all throughout HBP to make Ron feel bad. "I only date good Quidditch players." And actually calculating who would upset Ron most for her to go to the Christmas party with?

I think Hermione's a horrible person. I have an essay with bullet points and everything. But those moments...reading them actually made me feel sick. And it made me feel sicker to see fandom excuse them by saying she was a teenager and in love. Goodness, I'm glad none of my friends were like that.

The thing is, abusive relationships don't just mean being hit/belittled for small things. Those are extreme.

I think you're wrong. Unless Ron is an animal too stupid to know any better, you can't say that she's abusing him if he's never hurt by her behavior. Maybe you can say the relationship isn't healthy, but he seemed to like her despite the fact that she was a petty bitch -- in fact, maybe because of it, since I seem to recall Ron being only too quick to encourage the arguments and even escalate them.

Some people enjoy arguing.

If Ron had been hurt by her behavior, if he had ever been wounded by something she said in the heat of anger, I think she would have felt bad and apologized. And if Ron had resented her deeply for the things she said instead of rising to the challenge, I think she would've been nicer to him. But since Ron responded in kind and their relationship never suffered long-term, Hermione kept with what came naturally to her. She didn't have to be someone she wasn't because he liked her just fine as a petty bitch.

*shrug* I'm not saying I think it's romantic, but it's probably pretty realistic. Some people like petty bitches.

Some people like petty bitches.

I've seen those people. It ended horribly, and in one case, now results in my friend raising a kid that isn't his because the mother flaked out.

Ron does get hurt. Not crying, but he gets upset about the things she says. And whether or not he got horribly hurt, the point was that Hermione was actively trying to hurt him. That's horrible.

At any rate, Ron is pretty awful with her. I focus on Hermione because I hate her more. But they both seem like a bad match. And when they get married, what are they even going to talk about? The only thing they have in common is being friends with Harry and all that entails.

[ SECRET POST #310 ]

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