fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2634 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2634 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Lady Gaga]

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[free!, attack on titan]

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(Panic! at the Disco)

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[Anarky]

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(Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)

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[Frozen]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 013 secrets from Secret Submission Post #376.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I don't know how many times I get someone saying 'you're really quiet, aren't you?' or 'talk more!' from any group I'm in. Coworkers, people I've only met once, people I've BEEN friends with.

I stutter and am incredibly socially awkward, but I'm not shy. I just stay quiet because I need to think about what I'm going to say so I don't look like more of an idiot than usual. I never thought it was that unusual until I got so many comments lately.

Making comments that I'm quiet will make me increasingly so (duh?), and all the more likely to punch you in the throat so we can see how talkative you'll be then. I hear it so often it's just beginning to tick me off.

next time say "you really say obvious things"

This is a good response.

or "i prefer to wait until i have something meaningful to say"

or "you're really loud"

(from a loud person who has been guilty of this in the past. sometimes a reality check is in order)

This is a clever response if someone is being condescending to you, but don't say this if someone is just trying to be friendly or make you feel like they notice you and are paying attention to your comfort level (even if they don't do it right). This is a really rude response in that case, as are most of the others people are suggesting.

Saying "you're really quiet" is also rude, unless it's followed immediately after by, "could you please speak up a little, I'm having difficulty hearing you".

I wasn't really being serious.

I get that a lot, too. :( People mean well, but honestly, if you think someone is shy/socially awkward this is a terrible idea because it's like HEY EVERYONE LOOK AT THIS PERSON WHO DOESN'T TALK!

I've gotten this my whole life, and "Why are you so quiet?" I am shy, but I'm also quiet for all the reasons you stated, and have social anxiety on top of that. One time I snapped and told off a girl at school who asked me why I was quiet, I said something like "Because I hate talking to people who keep asking annoying questions about why I'm quiet."

What's worse is when you TRY to talk and everyone ignores you, then they later tell you to talk more.

Well no shit, what do you think I was trying to do?

That happens to me a lot. And my voice isn't that quiet, people just overlook me, even when I'm right in front of them.

I hate that feeling.

I feel you about the stuttering. I stutter when I have to speak a language I'm not familiar with and it gets worse the more nervous I am. When I first moved to Malaysia, I got this a lot, so I sometimes tried to reply in English, but there ended up being A LOT of communication problems.

I used to get this a lot because I had terrible social anxiety that was going undiagnosed. I've gotten better at socializing but I still remember how much I hated comments like that. The worst were jokes about how I talk too much and I hated them drawing attention to me but I had to pretend to laugh or everyone would think I couldn't laugh at myself.

Just tell them, "Shh, I'm gathering intel."
"On who?"
"Everyone...
And don't say another word after that. Guarantee they won't ask you to speak after that.

That's a good one. I always said I was taking notes for the boss, no matter where I was/who I was with.

I get this a lot too, I am quite shy however as well as being a bit socially awkward and people saying that does not in any way help my inability to talk. Thankfully my oldest friends are used to my quietness and let me be.

Or the one I really hate, "Why are you so quiet?" "I dunno, I just am?"

Ugh. I'm quite loud most of the time, but I do have my quiet moments which I actually quite enjoy and I assume by the response I get from some people about my loudness that other people would like me to be less loud too. But then they hit me with, "You're really quiet today." Sheesh. Can't win, can I.

What I'm trying to say is, if they can't accept you for who you are, it's their issue. Next time someone says, "You're really quiet!" You say, "Yeah." Maybe give it a little shrug and then move on.

This plus 'we'll fix you'.

I'm not broke!

When they order you to "talk more!" you should deliberately dominate the conversation while forcing your stutter into every other word.

That'll teach the fuckers.

But seriously, maybe they just mean that as a part of the group, you don't seem to be playing a part in the conversation? Do you look at the people in your group, make eye contact, watch them with interest, nod or occasionally smile? It could just be they feel a bit insecure that you're there but aren't giving the impression that you're really there.

Of course I'm just guessing here. Only you know for sure how your interactions go.

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