fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2634 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2634 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Lady Gaga]

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[free!, attack on titan]

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(Panic! at the Disco)

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[Anarky]

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(Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)

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[Frozen]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 013 secrets from Secret Submission Post #376.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

AYRT

I understand that. It caused me so much mental anguish for a long time, and to be perfectly honest it still bothers me from time to time. I don't think it's a bad thing or anything but it does sometimes bum me out just because it's something that makes me different from 99% of the rest of the world and it feels a little alienating at times.

When you say you do get attracted to people, is it sexually or just romantically? Do you ever see people and think "man, I'd like to bone them" or is it more just like "you're pretty and I like looking at you and I'd like to hang out and sometimes cuddle"? Because the first one has *never* happened to me but the other does fairly often.

My perfect relationship would pretty much consist of hanging out, going to dinner or movies or concerts occasionally, and cuddling sometimes, and then going home to our separate residences. No sex, no marriage or babies, not even living together. Of course it's basically impossible to ever find anyone who would ever want that though lol.

Yeah, I have definitely had times when I've felt a physical attraction to someone, not just emotional. But it happened so rarely up until my early 20s that I actually didn't know what sexual attraction was - and then would have vaguely unpleasant hook ups with people because there was no 'chemistry' but I didn't *actually* know that, because I had never experienced 'chemistry' before. I had so many obsessive crushes on people who I had no physical attraction to, it's ridiculous.

And now (in my mid-20s), even though it's happening more often, it seems hard to... recreate. Like, I'll be very attracted to someone one day, and then feel nothing the next, because the situation is different, or they've annoyed me, or I'm feeling anxious for unrelated reasons. I'm pretty sure I still have trouble mixing up emotional and physical attraction.

So, I know I'm not truly asexual on that count. But probably on the gray-a spectrum. Or a very late, sloooooow bloomer. But it feels like that might be a moot point anyway, if I can't find anyone I'm compatible with.

For what it's worth, my ideal relationship would be I guess a 'normal' relationship - doing things together, living together, lots of emotional support and physical intimacy (cuddles all the time!), marriage, babies, sharing a life together basically - but just without a whole lot of sex. Some, but not a huge amount. Good luck with that, self.

Uuurrrrrghhh. The fact that a lot of dating today for people my age is basically sex/hooking up first, dating later does not help my issues at all. Like, Tinder is not going to be a thing for me, ever. And the increasing pathologising and medicalisation of low sex drives also pisses off. I don't think I am (or you are) sick, we're just wired differently.

Anyway, thanks for having a chat with me! I hope you find yourself a relationship like you want - I'm sure it is possible, if you find the right person.

It's a hard thing to figure out! I've felt what I would describe as physical attraction because it's definitely not just emotional, their looks definitely factor into it, but it's not *sexual* if that makes any sense. It's more of just an aesthetic thing, that I like the way they look but it still has nothing to do with wanting to have sex with them. And I kind of feel like there have been people I would describe as having had chemistry with, but more on a platonic level. And honestly I'm *still* not sure I understand what sexual attraction is. The closest I can figure is looking at someone and wanting to have sex with them, which is not something I've ever felt. I suppose I still could but who knows.

It sounds like we're about the same age, and I think I have kind of a similar thing as far as attraction being hard to recreate although with me it's more on an emotional level. Like there was this guy that I knew that I thought I sort of had a bit of a crush on for awhile, we have a lot of things in common, and I've even gotten the vibe that he was maybe asexual too from a couple things he's said, but then the next time I saw him it was like whatever it was was totally gone and I can't explain it.

I say that but honestly if I met the right person I probably wouldn't mind living together. Sometimes I think if we were in some parallel world where being asexual was common and it easy to find a compatible partner, I would want the whole "traditional" marriage and kids thing, just with an asexual guy and no sex but then I think even in that theoretical world I'd only be doing it because I thought that was what I should do.

You're right about the dating thing. People in our generation seem to be way more focused on sex than previous generations, or I guess maybe now it's just more out in the open and easier with the whole hookup culture and social media and everything. And the pathologizing thing makes me sad. I have a friend who has a (much older) boyfriend who has a really low sex drive and listening to her constant rants about how sick and dysfunctional and fucked up he is is so damn depressing.

Thanks! I hope you find what you want too!

[ SECRET POST #2634 ]

Re: sexy tmi thread go

Re: sexy tmi thread go

Re: sexy tmi thread go