[ SECRET POST #2643 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2643 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 075 secrets from Secret Submission Post #378.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: fandom friend advice

[nyxelestia]

I have no idea how likely this is, but I'm going to try offering a perspective from the other direction, here:

Your friend knows you are very shy and, from the sounds of it, possibly even have some anxiety issues concerning stepping out into fandom (or at least that's the vibe I'm getting from your few words here). But she also knows you have strong opinions, ones which are valid and one which you may want to be heard by other people, but are not quite up to saying/expressing yourself.

It might be that what your friend is trying to do is spread your ideas without 'putting you at risk' - that by taking the credit, she also takes the blame. The kind of stuff you described her as posting sounds like it makes her as much a target for SJWs, flamers, and trolls as it does for fans of what she posts. From her perspective, she is doing you a favor by 'protecting' you. Not asking you/telling you about it might be a dick move, or it can just be a stupid one.

Or, she may not be doing this consciously at all - her opinion may genuinely be changed by what you said, so now she is just posting stuff with her own opinions or thoughts on them, ones which only just happen to exist because you talked to her in the first place, but which she may not see as being 'yours' (as a possessive issue), or that it would look like she is reposting your opinions instead of her own that happen to mirror yours.

While Cupcake Analogy Anon above was unnecessarily abrasive about it, they do have one point - opinions aren't territory or possession, and can't be owned. I'm not saying your friend isn't being a bit dickish in just 'copying' your words and point, but that leads into the second issue: they also do have a point that it is a little on the paradoxical side if you want credit but don't want to be named (I'm not saying there isn't a way out of it, but when you are the one stuck between a rock and a hard place, it can be hard to realize where the space to move is).

Bring it up with your friend - but do so by saying that while you don't know what she thinks of it and want to believe it isn't her intention, you still feel like she is just using you for Tumblr brownie points.

Somewhere in there is where you'll need to set a hard rule, one of how you want to be credited or just want her to acknowledge that the thoughts/posts came from someone other than herself, or that you don't want her to post the kind of stuff you say at all.

But if you do, there is one other risk you need to accept beforehand: that your friend may say that if you want that kind of rule, they do not feel safe/secure in being your venting/sounding board and would prefer you to stop. Because if she really was just trying to help you in a kind of faily way, or if she was posting her own thoughts on the matter that happened to have been changed by what you said, then listening to you may very well end up becoming 'dangerous' to you because from her perspective, she no longer knows what you consider 'yours' and what you don't and what thoughts of hers are safe to post because you might interpret it as thoughts of yours.

I don't know your friend, but it sounds more like her opinions are changing because of what you said, and she might just be having trouble admitting, to herself or to others, that it is changing because of what someone else said. That, or she's trying to help you and kind of just failed with a few crucial parts (namely telling you that she is 'posting on your behalf').