[ SECRET POST #2649 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2649 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


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04. http://i.imgur.com/eD4bGbG.jpg
[frozen, full nudity]


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05.
[AlternateHistory.com : Malê Rising]


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06.
[Amelie]


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09.


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10.


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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]




























11. [SPOILERS for Superior Spider-Man]



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12. [SPOILERS for Believe]



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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]






























13. [WARNING for rape]

[Orwell]


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14. [WARNING for rape]

[Colditz]


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15. [WARNING for child molestation]


















Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #378.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

That's definitely the way to go. I was never one to fall in love, or even do the intense crush thing all my friends seemed to do.

Now, I'm quite deeply in love with my partner, but it developed slowly over months, and certainly wasn't a thing I was looking for.

I think that the cultural narrative about capital-L Love can mess with a lot of people who tend to have more slowly-burning emotions than sudden blazes. I definitely spent a good portion of my high school and college career convinced that something was... not wrong, but different, about me, because I seemed to experience everything much less intensely than everyone else. Turns out, it mostly took time and the right person/circumstances.

Wow, that got long. TL;DR: Don't worry that you're "faking" something just because you're not living a fairy tale romance. Some people experience love/romance/affection/etc. differently than that, and it's no less valid.

[sarillia]

This all sounds very familiar. The seeming to experience things less intensely than other people. Physical reactions are really strong with me (tears, panic attacks, etc) but the emotional stuff always seems a bit duller than it's supposed to even as I'm crying or shaking. I don't know if that's just the way I am or if it might have something to do with my depression.

Fortunately my girlfriend is the same way, which makes it easier I think. I'd hate to think of her wanting the kind of fairytale romance that my friend dreams about and being disappointed.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm the same way, and I've encountered a decent amount of people who are.

I'm starting to suspect that most people actually experience the "slow burn" that you describe, and it's just a few who have those very intense, sudden blazes. But a blinding flash of emotion makes for great drama and can seem very appealing, so it's what popular culture has latched onto. And many people want to feel that way so badly that they wind up telling themselves that they do, even when they don't.

[ibbity]

I think the idea that love is somehow SUPPOSED to be that blinding flash, and if you don't have that, you're doing it WRONG, is promoted to a really unhealthy level in a lot of movies/books/tv shows that involve romance. That isn't love, that's infatuation, and while it can be powerful and a whole lot of fun, it's ultimately by its nature transient and kind of shallow and needs to be replaced by something deeper and steadier if that relationship is going to last. That's the part that I wish more romancy things would focus on---the maturing of a relationship rather than the sparkly first-few-weeks excitement and flash. It's why I liked Shrek 2 better than the first, lol.

[lunabee34]

I agree wholeheartedly with you and the other people in this thread.

I think we are told by media that love is this feeling that is intense and all consuming and you must always feel it or something is wrong. And it's completely ridiculous because I don't know anyone in a years long relationship who still has that roller coaster in the pit of her stomach feeling from early days of infatuation anymore. Does that feeling still show up from time to time? Sure. But it isn't ever present. I've been with my husband for 16 years and what we have is so much more satisfying than all the flash and glitz and crazy sex of the beginning of our relationship. It's bone deep and real.

I have watched many friends break up with long term partners because they felt like the spark was gone only to reach the same point with a new partner eventually. :(

I tend to think of love as verb (thank you, DC Talk LOL). I think it is something I do and choices I make rather than an emotion I feel. I'm not a robot. I do *feel* love, but I can't define it solely in that way.

[(Anonymous)]

I like the idea of conceptualizing love as a verb more than as an emotion. In the context of a long-term relationship, one builds love. It's a conscious, daily effort, and it's very rewarding and fulfilling, but it definitely involves work.

[lunabee34]

*nods nods nod*

And what I think a lot of people don't realize is that most relationships cycle through periods where you're just not that into each other or you're angry at each other or whatever, and it would be really easy to just walk away if you were only thinking of love in terms of emotional gratification.

[this is not me advocating the people stay with abusers or etc. there are definitely real and valid reasons for ending relationships, and I'm not talking about that at all]

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

Oh gods, yeah! The wider culture really doesn't give that lesson. It pays lip service to it sometimes, but the central message is still "you have One True Love and when you find zer, it will be magic and rainbows forever!"

The first year of my marriage, we had so many problems, and even though I knew on an intellectual level that what we were going through was perfectly normal, it was still really hard to resist the urge to just pack up and go. This stuff is insidious, man! It's hard to get it out of your system, even after you realize and accept that it's bullshit.

I'm glad he and I both had our wits about it and didn't pack it in, because being married is really awesome, and I'd take what I have now over face-melting infatuation any day.

[lunabee34]

Yes yes to everything you're saying.

My husband and I both came to the marriage with a certain amount of emotional baggage and then have lived through a fair amount of traumatic events while together including the attempted suicide of a parent, the severe drug addiction of a sibling, and my own postpartum depression with my older daughter. It would have been very easy to have given up during any of those times, but I am so glad we did not.

[(Anonymous)]

NAYRT but I jusy want to tell you that everytime I hear about you and your husband I feel all warm and hopeful. You give me hope that someday I can find someone who would love me enough to stay and make it work with me :)

[lunabee34]

Oh hugs and hugs

*sniffles a little*

Thank you for saying so.

I really, really love my husband. LOL He is such a good father and such a good life partner. I am so glad that all my waxing poetical about him is endearing rather than annoying. *g*

[(Anonymous)]

Hugs you too :)

To me it's very endearing and sweet. I'm sure your husband is a very wonderful person too. I have seen couples going strongly for years and still stay so happy and healthily in love even when they grow old. In my opinion that is real Happily ever after and I hope you can have the same with your husband :)

[lunabee34]

ME TOOOOOOO!

Our is a love based on sarcasm and beer and an unholy love for HBO. May it last forever!!!!

Hee.

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

Oh wow, seems like you've been through quite a bit. I'm glad you were able to come through it all.

And it sounds like you have a good thing going, so that's pretty cool, too. :)

[lunabee34]

Thank you so much.

*hugs hugs*

[(Anonymous)]

Haha, I'm not sure I could have survived if my initial infatuation with my lady hadn't softened into a calmer love. I'm pretty sure I would've straight up burnt out with how giddy and constant it was. NRE can be real whack, yo.

[lunabee34]

Heee. There's that too.

[waterfall8484]

I like the idea of 'verbing' love, because it usually is something you have to work on; you have to give of yourself, learn about the other person, communicate, cooperate, and compromise/accommodate.

My grandparents have been together for over 60 years and I know they've had to work hard to achieve that from time to time. They still hold hands. :~D

I usually separate the experience of 'being in love' with 'loving'. You fall in love with someone, but that's a more intense feeling that really can't last. If you're lucky you end up loving each other instead, which may be less intense but will last longer. Does that make sense?

[lunabee34]

Makes total sense and is pretty much just what I think too.

[waterfall8484]

Oh, good. :~)

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

Oh, I completely agree. And it's coupled with the notion of "happily ever after" in such a way that it gives the impression that not only is love supposed to be over-the-top intense, but it's also supposed to be easy and perfect. And if it's not, then it's because you're with the Wrong Person! It sets up so many unrealistic expectations.

I've never seen 'Shrek 2,' but one of the only romantic comedies I actually like is 'Love & Sex,' because it shows a lot of the more mundane aspects of a relationship and because it also shows the lead couple having to get over the idea that infatuation = love.

[waterfall8484]

OMG this. When I met my boyfriend it took me over half a year before I was sure I actually loved him, because I wasn't sure what (romantic) love was supposed to feel like to me. I went from 'I like this guy and he's very cute' to 'I really like him' to 'I might perhaps love him' to 'yeah, I think I do love him' to now where I want to stay with him forever.

I never get the intense emotions that we're apparently all supposed to feel according to the media and popular culture and I spent years saying I was just 'too picky' to find a boyfriend, after having had exactly one crush (on a guy I was spending time with each week, so definitely not a love at first sight thing). All I really needed to fall in love was about six months with the right guy. :~D