[ SECRET POST #2651 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2651 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 051 secrets from Secret Submission Post #379.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 2 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

08. http://i.imgur.com/O7l74pW.png

[(Anonymous)]

Don't worry about it? As long as you don't marshal an army of sockpuppets to talk you up and persecute you, there's nothing wrong with being friends with a BNF. You're friends, so just enjoy being friends. Try to roll back your possessiveness a little, be happy that your friend is successful doing something you both enjoy, and don't worry about what people think (they probably don't, and if they do, shrug off that pettiness; you know the truth).

[(Anonymous)]

Most BNF's will end up screwing you over or stabbing you in the back at some point, OP. So enjoy it while you can.

[blueonblue]

I was going to say just enjoy your friendship and don't worry about other people, but looking at your secret again, talking about crushes and jealousy, that's a little intense.

[logicbutton]

I'm gonna guess that your friend is a HP BNF, and your fandom is for either The Casual Vacancy or that other book JKR published under a pseudonym.

Anyway, unless you're super obnoxious about it, other people are probably not going to have that opinion, as they are unlikely to give it anywhere near as much thought as you do. Just try to focus on being a good internets friend - I bet she appreciates having people in her fandom life who didn't know her as a BNF first.

[(Anonymous)]

I thought it might be the Silmarillion - a smaller subset of the ginormous Tolkien fandom.

[(Anonymous)]

sa

Hmm, could be The Host too, those Stephenie Meyer books that aren't Twilight? What about all those Holmes-less books Arthur Conan Doyle wrote, is there a fandom for one of those? One of C.S. Lewis's non-Narnia books? Is it a less popular Neil Gaiman book? Jim Butcher's Codex Alera series, much smaller fandom than the Dresden Files? Hmmm, now I'm obsessed with guessing the fandom.

[(Anonymous)]

I wouldn't worry about it too much, OP. You can't base your friendships on what other people think of them, that's just not a good way to get through life.

[(Anonymous)]

The more you get to know this person, the less hero-worshippy you'll feel. Or at least, I hope this is the case because the weirdest thing about being a big fish in a small fandom is how people get all over-awed about your presence. BNFs are human, they're just like everyone else.

Having a crush is fine, but keep in mind that your awesome BNF friend farts, picks her nose and does pointless dumb stuff every day. She's JUST. LIKE. YOU. No, honest, she is. Don't put her up on a pedastal simply because she's well known in fandom.

[(Anonymous)]

I wish people would realize that BNFs are just people. I am a BNF in a smallish fandom and people are always like "Let's meet up because I want to take you to dinner! Your random crappy selfie is the cutest thing I have ever seen in my life! Let me buy this for you!!" and it creeps me out.

[(Anonymous)]

That does sound really creepy.

But perhaps they're just grateful for your fic/art/whatever it is you do in your fandom and want to show their appreciation? There have been times when I've been overenthusiastic in the past and came off as inappropriate. I only understood it later.

It can be weird to arrive in fandom and see all these amazing, talented people giving you art and fic for free, especially the stuff that really speaks to you, when you're used to paying for it in the outside world.

[(Anonymous)]

Same. People wanted my address so they could send me, like... homemade cookies and stuff. I appreciated the thought but HELL NO.

[gondremark]

This.
People are just people, and people who make things that a lot of other people like are still just people.

[(Anonymous)]

It's probably just me, but I can smell the follow-up secret six months from now, from the other side.

"I was a BNF in a rather popular fandom for a series by an insanely popular author, but I also wrote fanfiction for a lesser known series by the same author. I got tired of the constant attention in the larger fandom, so I decided to just hang out in the smaller fandom. Pretty soon I clicked with someone in the fandom who seemed to share a bunch of my interests outside of said fandom, which was a refreshing change. Usually when I talk to someone in the fandom, it's always about my fanfiction, or some over-the-top praise for something mundane because *BNF status*. My BNF status never came up with this friend, I never thought to bring it up, and I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. Looking back, maybe I should have? We went from chatting each other up almost every day to maybe once every two weeks, and even then, it's just a passing "hi." It sucks because I feel like I'm losing a really good friend and I don't know why. Maybe they never knew about me being a BNF. Maybe I should have brought it up. But then, maybe I never would have gotten to know an awesome person."

OP, if you're the type who despises living in someone else's shadow, then go get some nice things for yourself while maintaining this friendship. For the love of Cadbury eggs, don't let your insecurities and personal inadequacies become HER problems. Your friendship is far more important than the potential opinions some nosy jealous gossipy loser busybody haters, is it not?