fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2659 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2659 ⌋

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You are bi. You don't have to be "I'm 50% into dick and 50% into vag" all the time to be bi. If you like women and you like men, you're bi.

Sure okay. I have a whole host of reasons why I phrased my question the way I did originally. Frankly though, I am really bad at explaining myself, and the chances of me being eloquent enough to do so without causing some sort of hideous flame war is zero.

So, yes, fine, I will let you dictate my sexual preference to me, despite it not accurately representing the nuance of my own personal experience.

Everyone please note that the question should simply read 'my sexual preferences change according to my menstrual cycle'.

While you sound a bit huffy, I agree you have a point.

AYRT Sorry yes, that was a bit huffy. It's a bit of a flash point subject for me.

I'm not dictating your sexual preference, I'm giving you an appropriate label if you are looking for one. If you aren't, fine. But the notion that you have to be sexually attracted to men and women equally all the time or you aren't bi is a stereotype and misconception that irritates me and many other people who identify as bi. So, be as nuanced as you want when explaining the ins and outs of the way you experience sexual attraction. But, if you are attracted to men and women, you are most likely bisexual.

Fair enough. I appreciate that you didn't mean it the way I took it.

There are reason why I phrased it as I did, and as I have already said I won't go into them for fear of explaining it badly. Generally, I am aware that you don't have to be equally attracted to both sexes to be bi, that's just how it falls out for me most of the time. Thank you for trying to clarify it for me.

Apologies for biting your head off in my previous comment.

No worries.

There are reason why I phrased it as I did, and as I have already said I won't go into them for fear of explaining it badly.

I'm going to assume the reasons are kind of crap then.

Is being bisexual less cool, now?

to be fair I thought it was really clear that anon was bi, like, all-the-time bi, just that their preferences varied. I didn't get any kind of snowflakey vibe from them. and also I agree that it's not really appropriate for you to be telling them that unsolicited.

That whole "sometimes I'm straight, sometimes I'm gay" thing is a stereotype that bisexuals internalize thanks to people assigning sexualities to bisexuals based on the sex of the person they are dating, the sex of the person they happen to mention they find attractive at the time, etc. One just can't be bisexual, you are either a straight attention whore or a fake (if you are women who likes men and women) or an in denial gay (if you are a man who likes men and women). So, when people start making comments like "I'm kinda gay sometimes but kinda straight other times," it just screams "I misunderstand bisexuality." Why not just own up to being bisexual all the time?

It's fine to discuss the nuances of our sexualities, but if one insists on using labels like straight, gay and bi, then why not be accurate with them? We've had thread after thread explaining demisexuality, pansexuality, and asexuality and people requesting that we use those labels correctly. But when it comes to bisexuality, I can't suggest that OP might be thinking about bisexuality incorrectly and may want to rethink the way she is labeling herself, if she's looking for a label?

That whole "sometimes I'm straight, sometimes I'm gay" thing is a stereotype that bisexuals internalize thanks to people assigning sexualities to bisexuals based on the sex of the person they are dating

Uh, no. Not for me. Whenever the sex of who I'm attracted to swings around, in the past I've tried to figure it out by going out to a crowded space and checking out people's arses. Like hundreds of arses, and when I only like women/men, then those are the only ones I find attractive. The other sex just doesn't do it. So it's more than just aligning to the person I'm currently dating.

For over a year I was with a man and only liked women. :( Pretty tough.

I was always bisexual though, I agree.

This just feels to me like you're reading a lot into what OP said. I think the terms were used to simplify their attraction cycles, not avoid labeling themselves bi, especially since they did read that label.

Of course, I'm not OP and I don't know exactly where they're coming from, but your response just feels both kneejerk and invasive to me. I don't really like it when people tell other people how their own thought processes work.

Thank you. I'm tired of people assuming that bisexual means equally attracted to men and women. In my own experience, it's actually very rare for that to be the case; most people have a preference for one sex or the other, and that doesn't make them any less bi.

Preferring men does not invalidate the fact that I am attracted to women too.

[ SECRET POST #2659 ]

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