[ SECRET POST #2664 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2664 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


__________________________________________________



02.


__________________________________________________



03.


__________________________________________________



04.


__________________________________________________



05.


__________________________________________________



06.


__________________________________________________



07.


__________________________________________________



08.


__________________________________________________



09.


__________________________________________________



10.


__________________________________________________



11.










Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 075 secrets from Secret Submission Post #381.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[herpymcderp]

Actually I wish there was a better word to use than superficial here, since superficial encompasses a preference for physical attractiveness in general, not just a single feature. This? This is pretty hurtful. Unless I'm misunderstanding, it's a refusal to have a relationship with someone because of one specific thing that they had no say in.

It's kind of the same thing as saying you like women but not black women. Almost everyone would agree that it's a little racist no matter which way you swing it, because not only is it excluding a category of people that otherwise have everything you're looking for because of a single physical feature, it's the assumption that all people who have that physical feature are equally unworthy of your time.

I don't really have any stakes in this because I don't care whether or not someone might want to bone me or not, but I feel pretty awful for the next circumcised guy who gets up the courage to drop his pants in front of OP only to be turned down. Especially if there are genuine emotions at play.

[herpymcderp]

I disagree, and will continue to disagree. Blanket statements about personal attraction (for people who otherwise meet the general requirements for your sexual orientation) are generally either tribalistic nonsense or incredible shortsightedness.

I agree that physical attraction is (usually) an important factor in a relationship, but I don't think that excluding everyone in a category because they have one flaw in their appearance is excusable. In this case, it's doubly so, because there's already an incredible amount of perceived pressure on most guys about their genitals, and by the time you're about to be face to face with it you've usually already invested quite a bit of emotional resources on the person who's about to see you naked (unless you are a callous jerk I guess).

I mean, I used to do this very thing, and mine was just about as bad. I always claimed to not like black men (despite liking black women) because of a "looks" thing. It was only someone telling me that I was being a total dick that made me re-examine my preference and realize that I do actually find black men attractive, I just don't find the hip hop aesthetic that attractive, and actually I was being more than a bit racist in assuming that included all black men.

*if any of this doesn't make sense, I apologize because I may or may not be slightly tipsy right now

[herpymcderp]

I don't think the onus is on you to change something that isn't happening, just as I wouldn't be trying to change myself for not finding...say... someone morbidly obese attractive if it just wasn't happening. I do think the onus is on you to question why being short is something you find unattractive, and actively consider if there would be an exception to that rule (ex. would personality override it? would a nice set of abs or an attractive face offset it enough for you to consider a person? are you responding to indoctrination or is this just something you came up with on your own?)

Doing exactly that is what lead me to realize that yeah, my "preference" wasn't a preference at all, it was me unconsciously being a dick. Then, the more I actually looked at black guys instead of immediately writing them off or refusing to look in the first place, the more I began to find examples of people I was indeed attracted to.

Personally, I've long held a pet theory that a stated preference does potentially have the power to make people automatically disengage with (or just not visually attend to) a whole subcategory of objects, and that if people didn't have a tendency to do that they'd probably find a lot more to like about said objects. I think this probably applies to nonessential traits in sexual attraction, food preference, and a whole host of other things.

Also: I more meant within the context of a relationship with the dick comment. ...Blame that on the alcohol.

[herpymcderp]

Hahah.. it would sound more patronizing if it weren't slightly relevant. The city I grew up in had plenty of Asians, Indians, and natives in the population, but you could probably count the number of black people on one hand. These days it's different, but yeah. It was almost certainly coming from someplace that just wasn't a cool point of view to have, despite the fact that I acknowledge that I was attracted to a pretty wide range of body types etc. otherwise.

tbh I think most people would be able to do something similar if they were a little more honest with themselves about why they actually think they "only like _____" as a preference. Maybe not for things as biologically intrinsic to mating behaviour as... say... a lack of attraction to male/female/variant, but that's probably another matter entirely.

[(Anonymous)]

Why the heck should someone have to question why they don't find something attractive? Why does it MATTER if something isn't aesthetically appealing to them? No one has a right to have anyone else be attracted to them. You're not denying them anything they're owed if you think that, for example, fake boobs are a huge turn-off.

People are allowed to not want to have sex with someone else for any reason they want.

[diet_poison]

this, and it's a little skeevy to me that anyone should be obligated to analyze their attractions and search for exceptions. That shit's really personal.