fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2669 ]

[ SECRET POST #2669 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2669 ⌋

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I have an artist friend that I've been doing collabs with for years. We come up with ideas, she draws them, I write them, people like them. It's a lot of fun, she's really talented and one of my best friends in or out of fandom.

Back in November, my dad was diagnosed with brain cancer, and my ability to write went completely out the window. My artist friend did a couple of pieces this winter that a different writer fanficced for, and I liked those fanfics. They were well-written and had a good handle on our OCs, and she's a nice person, too.

My dad has been doing better, and I'm finally able to write again - but my artist friend isn't interested in doing any collabs with me. She's been doing stuff with the other writer from this winter. I know she has the right to art/fic collabs with anyone she wants to, but I'm sitting here feeling super hurt because she's been doing a lot of stuff with this other writer - who's more well-known than me to start with - including the 30 day OTP challenge, which is getting so much response on tumblr that some of their fans have started to refer to them by a namesmush.

I feel like I've been replaced. I couldn't write for a few months and now that I can again it seems like nothing I do is something she wants to draw for. I've sent her stories and ideas, and I would love to write something for a finished picture, but lately I seem to only find out she's even doing a new piece once Other Author has already written a story for it.

I am so insanely jealous I don't know what to do. I mean, I know that no one is required to like everything I do, and I don't have any kind of exclusive right to her time or attention or talent, I KNOW that - but I've just been getting slowly more and more jealous every time I see a collab piece go up. I'm resenting the hell out of OA, and I know it's undeserved. I just want to tell OA to fuck off and quit stealing my friend.

And I'm hurt. I feel like I'm losing my friend. We've barely talked at all since she started doing collabs with OA. Her Skype icon is always set to "do not disturb" and all the stuff I've written and shared with her gets no reaction. I want things to go back to how they used to be, but every time I try, she just doesn't seem interested.

I finally talked to my friend today, but I don't feel like anything got resolved, or even that she understood how hurt and rejected I've been feeling. I don't know what to do at this point.

ugh that sucks.

For what it's worth, while yeah jealousy isn't productive or ideal, I do think your feelings aren't without merit. She probably didn't meant to but she did kinda blow you off and maybe hasn't stopped to think about how it's making you feel. I'd be jealous too in your situation. :(

She probably didn't mean to but she did kinda blow you off and maybe hasn't stopped to think about how it's making you feel.

TBH, it looks less like she "kinda" blew the OP off and more like she blatantly dumped the OP in favor of someone she saw as her ticket to greater popularity.

This is probably more accurate. My wording was poor.

Ouch. I would be jealous too. Especially if she hasn't been talking to you and that they're your OCs too. Maybe you could try to remind her of how much fun you guys had working together and say that you miss that.

Honestly, you are probably losing your friend. This person kind of sounds flaky and like a shitty friend if she won't give you the time of day after you dealt with a serious personal crisis. My only advice is to drop her. You are already hurt, and continuing to rekindle your friendship is going to keep that wound open.

I think the way you're feeling is understandable.

And I also think...your friend wasn't a real friend. Harsh, but true. She sounds like the sort of person who latches on to a commodity. If a person is writing hot fic, she's all over it. If that person stops writing, even for a legitimate reason, she drops them.

I'm really sorry that this is happening to you. I'm not sure how to go about making it better. But I know that moving beyond it will involve letting her go, and I think that you've got to let her go, OP.

you sound quite insightful and that is exactly what can help you through this

or even that she understood how hurt and rejected I've been feeling
though not very nice of her, others aren't obligated to empathise with our hurt feelings or amend their behaviour to cater to it...echoing what a coupe of others already said, you need to let her go - not because she found someone new, but because ultimately she may not be a very nice person...rather than seeing this as her rejection of YOU, see it as your rejection of HER now that you have this new information about her

I don't know what to do at this point
i think maybe you do? your words show me that you understand the finality of the relationship, but your feelings aren't allowing you to accept the reality of it

nothing good comes from jealousy, be careful how you let it control you...if the jealousy is coming from being hurt (which you have clearly articulated), deal with your hurt feeling and don't let jealousy swoop in and sour your soul

losing a friend you valued is always going to be really sad, and that's how it should be - we loved them, we enjoyed our time with them, and now they don't want us...it sucks terribly, but it's happened to everyone and will probably happen again...our bests bet is to understand it and make sure we aren't that shitty towards others

Yeah, dude, your friend is being a bitch. I'm guessing she enjoys the attention she's getting from working with OA, so she feels "why even go back to Anon, I'm more popular with OA."

A real friend would have been super-excited to see you writing again. It would be ok for her to still do things for OA, but not if she just blows you off like that. You're completely justified to feel jealous, Anon.

I can't add anything to all the great comments already here, but here's a big basket of hugs. Use anytime.

Aw, anon. I've just had a similar thing in RL and it sucks big time (and hurts so damn much). :(

I also do not have anything that can add to the comments above, but here is a whole load of good vibes for you though, anon, and some more virtual hugs for your usage. *HUGS*

I'm afraid you aren't losing your friend: you've already lost her, presumably because she feels that working with a better-known writer is her ticket to fandom popularity. OTOH, while it's perfectly reasonable to feel hurt and betrayed by your friend--especially when you told her how distressed you feel and she apparently just shrugged it off--I don't think it's fair to blame OA for "stealing" her. It's unlikely that she's egging your friend on to treat you shabbily--your friend is doing that all on her own.

Oh man, this sounds so eerily similar to an experience I had with an RP partner that it's unreal. (To the point where I'm almost wondering if it's the same person? Unlikely, but could be.)

I don't ask for exclusivity with RP partners because a variety of games going on paves the way for a wider pool of ideas, but naturally I don't want to get blown off constantly when said RP partner is bragging to me about what a great time they've had RPing with other people after they've told me they're "not in the mood" to RP with me. That's just plain rude.

I think everyone is onto something when they say that this girl isn't someone you need in your life. She sounds like someone else suggested- like someone who uses people when they want something nice.

I'm going to buck the trend and say wait a little while and see if your interactions with her change for the better. It sounds like you've been letting this fester for a few weeks at least, and you've probably been coming off as clingy and jealous to your friend. Now that you've finally broken down and admitted you're feeling hurt that she's not spending much time with you, she's going to need to reframe those earlier interactions, and either find a compromise that balances your need for her attention with her need for her own space, or cut ties with you.

To be perfectly honest, there's a good chance that she feels like you're exactly what most of the comments to this are saying she is: someone who's only interested in her for her talent. From what you've said here, it sounds like you expected nothing to change while you were on hiatus - you're paying lip service to her right to work with other people, but it really doesn't seem like you believe it at all. From her perspective, you constantly sending her ideas and fics in hopes of getting her to draw for you has probably made it seem like you're saying "hey, I'm back now, so you should drop your other friend and start drawing things for me again pronto". So while she needs to decide if she can give you the attention and time to talk you need, you are going to need to decide if you want her to be your friend even if she doesn't want to go back to collabs, and possibly apologize for coming on too strong.

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[ SECRET POST #2669 ]

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