fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2670 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2670 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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02.

[Dan Vs.]

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03.

[Mysterious Cities Of Gold]

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04.

[Sherlock]

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05.

[Drazen Bratulic]

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06.

[Captain America]

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07.

[Smash]

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08.

[El Goonish Shive]

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10. http://i59.tinypic.com/2eebuv6.jpg
[porn, Frozen, illustrated]

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11. [SPOILERS for Shameless US]

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12. [WARNING for suicide]

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13. [WARNING for rape]

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14. [WARNING for domestic violence]

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15. [WARNING for rape/sexual assault]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #381.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

My little brother got arrested (he is 18) yesterday. He had a bit of pot, which would not have been that big of a deal (you just get a ticket). Apparently his girlfriend's aunt said that he stole copper from their house. He admits to the pot but says he didn't steal anything.

Based on his alibi (breakfast with his girlfriend's family, then my niece's birthday party, then home), I am hoping this is actually true. Since he can't drive, I don't know how he would have gotten to his girlfriend's house.

However, it might be true. How much of a bitch would it make me to refuse helping him out with bail and such? He owes the bail bondsman $300.

Honestly, I hope the charges are dropped so I can move him to where I live. Living in our hometown is just a toxic environment. I have mentioned it to my dad and he always gets upset (I live halfway across the country). But, I just don't want him to end up as a deadbeat loser.

Do you have the financial capacity to bail him out? Then you should do so

I think you should help him. Your own post says you're leaning more on his side than against, and you do want to get him out.

Help him if you can. Of course, don't support actual dangerous/problematic behavior, but if you have a chance to reach out and put your little brother on a better path, I think you should do it. 18 is a really tough age where your future is totally up in the air, but the choices you make over that brief "young adult" period can definitely set a precedent, and it's harder to change after that.

Getting him out of an environment doesn't necessarily mean he'll stay away from bad influences. The reality of this kind of lifestyle is that it is so much easier than you know to find exactly the same kind of people and live it in any town you're in. Your average 3000 person town has an underbelly just the same as a major city.

What you end up doing all depends on how well you think you know your brother and how much you think you can trust him, but don't expect the situation to be any different even if you do decide to step in.

To be fair, we don't really know what "this kind of lifestyle" is except that he smokes pot and spends time with family. That leaves room for a lot of variation.

If he's walking around with pot on him, then he smokes it regularly.

I can't say that with 100% certainty, but I can say it with about 95% certainty considering the sheer amount of time I have spent around people who are habitual pot smokers (and dealers). Hell, I'd use the word "pot head" to describe some of my own family and closest friends, so I'm coming from a place of affection here, not judgement.

I'm also not saying it's necessarily a bad thing or that it stops you from being a productive contributor to society, but it definitely makes you a lot more likely to hang around criminal types and a lot less likely to want quit the longer you do it.

This is the first time he's been arrested? Bail him out, even if he did it. Talk to him seriously about it. Work out whether he did or not. Offer to help him and support him if he did it and he has some issues in his life which made him do it. Get an action plan in place. This is your opportunity to show him he has family who loves him and wants to help him get back on the right track if he actually did something wrong.

Think about it: no matter whether he did it or not, if you don't bail him out this time, imagine how he is going to feel about his family/you. You not bailing him out might be his signal to say 'screw it' and spiral downwards (not that it would be your fault, just pointing out the psychology of it).

Now, the 2nd or 3rd time he's in jail and has proved himself an unrepentant little shit? That's when you should refuse to bail him out. Not the first time. Not now.

[ SECRET POST #2670 ]

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