fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2670 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2670 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Dan Vs.]

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03.

[Mysterious Cities Of Gold]

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04.

[Sherlock]

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05.

[Drazen Bratulic]

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06.

[Captain America]

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07.

[Smash]

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08.

[El Goonish Shive]

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09.

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10. http://i59.tinypic.com/2eebuv6.jpg
[porn, Frozen, illustrated]

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11. [SPOILERS for Shameless US]

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12. [WARNING for suicide]

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13. [WARNING for rape]

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14. [WARNING for domestic violence]

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15. [WARNING for rape/sexual assault]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #381.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Good people, smart people above have it right. You say no. Bluntly. Because denial is always better then passive aggression.

This person couldn't' do passive aggression anyway. For one thing they'd feel like shit. This leads to the other thing: They are better then you.

Not giving a ride is a perfectly fine thing. Doing this flighty bullshit that confuses people but eventually comes across as you being a fuck would make op a shit person. Like you. You apparently think this is a good thing which means you are a shit person.

da

I'm honestly curious about this whole "subtle and slightly passive aggressive" vs "frank rejection" thing. I feel like where I'm from, confrontation is a bad thing, and people are expected to take hints. While in theory I understand that honesty is the best policy and so forth, I don't think most casual relationships can survive confrontation. Most people, at least where I'm from, I think, would take "No, I don't want to give you rides anymore, sorry" as something embarrassing, awkward, and even mean-spirited to say so outright. I feel like giving an excuse once, twice, should be more than enough to get the point across to any rational person, all while avoiding awkward confrontation and giving any hurt feelings an "out".

I mean, there's a difference between an elaborate lie and a "Sorry, I don't really have the time tomorrow". But it would never occur to me personally to think badly of anyone who made an excuse or two to demonstrate a point, whereas being frank might come across as a little more "mean" to me. The same as asking someone out on a date. If they make a polite excuse, they aren't interested - and no raw feelings and hurt ego from flat out saying you just don't like someone that way.

I'm not trying to say culture is an excuse for bad behavior, but just that I can't comprehend how making an excuse or two, with the intent that a presumptuous co-worker will get the message, makes someone a shitty person. I honestly feel that in my area, it'd be "worse" to be direct unless no other option is reasonable. After all, I can understand wanting to maintain a tolerable relationship with a co-worker, even if they aren't a friend.

NO.

You would think folks here would understand this better then most... A lot of people around here are awkard. Lacking some social perceptions. May have had some history with social problems.

So the rejection, when they figure it out, feels like just that. Not that somebody dindn't like giving them rides, but that somebody didn't like them period.

Furthermore, you presume this will work. Some people keep asking. And asking. And now you've made it look like you'd do it but just couldnt that one time. So when you finally have to tell them directly, you make yourself a liar previous. Better a little mean then a lot mean.

And I can tell you as a guy we fucking HATE the excuse being used as actual rejection. Because then we go into doubt mode. Did you really have an excuse? Are you saying we should try again? Because we like you, so first impulse is to try again! Some folks are oblivious enough to not get the hint for a while. and maybe they have doubts, but they aren't sure so they want to keep trying but are afraid too and goddamn it what is she thinking yadda yadda. I mean, that's exactly the kinda drama that makes teenage years so miserable! And when they do get the hint, possibly when a third party beats them over the head with it, or when you've done it far more times then you probably planned, they feel like an idiot. And quite possibly resent you far more then the girl that told them they weren't interested the first time and saved everybody a lot of trouble.

In short, I legitimately think far more poorly of the person like you that makes excuses because even if you aren't trying to be passive aggressive that's how people are gonna take it. It's weakness in a different form from being a doormat, but it's still weakness that leads to hurt feelings. Better to be direct.

[ SECRET POST #2670 ]

You fucking pussy piece of shit

Re: You fucking pussy piece of shit

THAT'S WORSE!