[ SECRET POST #2684 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2684 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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07. [WARNING for abuse/child abuse]



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08. [WARNING for depression]



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09. [WARNING for eating disorders]



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10. [WARNING for rape]



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11. [WARNING for rape]



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12. [WARNING for sexual abuse]



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13. [WARNING for suicide]

















Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #383.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

07. [WARNING for abuse/child abuse]
http://i.imgur.com/H0xGZiZ.jpg

[galerian-ash.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear that, but I think you need to realize that people deal with abuse in very different ways. And no experience is like the other; just because you perceive it in one particular way doesn't mean other people do. Know what I mean?

If it bothers you, I honestly recommend that you just stay away and try to ignore it. Everyone will be better off that way, yourself included.

[(Anonymous)]

This. Sadly I know multiple people who have been abused in various ways, and their experiences and coping mechanisms are all different. There is no such thing as a singular all-encompassing experience where abuse is concerned because it can be carried out in so many different ways.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

I did not make this clear in the secret, sorry, but one of the reasons I object to these fanfics is they seem to present only one way for people to cope with abuse. It is always the same beats and reactions (cries, talks about it with person they are shipped with, they kiss or something and then all of a sudden they feel better), and that it is what really bugs me. That's why I mention that they're monotonous and cliche. I'm not saying they should be more like my experience, but all the fics are so similar to each other and simple, it annoys me. I would prefer if they WERE showing unique experiences.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

That sounds reasonable. There are many different responses to abuse (I have two friends that were abused, and they dealt with it completely differently). If I came across fics that had the person always deal with abuse in exactly the same way, I'd assume the writers got their ideas from fanfiction, not real life, and perhaps had all been reading each other's fics and getting their ideas in that way.

I wasn't abused, but I was raped and personally I like to read/write fics that have the person raped saying it wasn't that bad, and denying it was even rape, because that's how I was for many years myself. I didn't cry about it for over a decade. That's the way I dealt with it but there are as many ways as there are people.

I think I've been lucky in the fandoms I've been in. I've not seen fics doing what you describe. If I did come across that, it would annoy me. I'd feel that the writers were being rude, without perhaps realising it.

A lot of fic writers in some fandoms are quite young.

[(Anonymous)]

Well, yeah. Of course they are using it for h/c fuel.

[(Anonymous)]

I hear ya, OP. I read a fic once in which one of the main characters was raped (off-screen). The very first thing she did once she got home was let her male friend BATHE HER.

In my review, I told the author, "Oh thank goodness, it seemed like you were setting up [female character] to be raped, but it's obvious from the fact that she allowed [male friend] to bathe her that no rape occurred."

[(Anonymous)]

Because everyone responds to rape the same way. I'm not saying author was right, but, uh, neither are you.

[(Anonymous)]

One of my friends spent months thinking something was wrong with her because she wasn't horribly traumatized after being raped. People kept telling her she was just in shock and that it would set in eventually, but guess what? It never did. She was upset, sure, and she still won't drink at parties, but she wasn't irreversibly emotionally scarred by it and that's okay. That's just how she responded to it.

[dreemyweird]

+100

[tenlittlebullets]

+1. Horribly upsetting yes, still carrying emotional baggage yes, but traumatic? Thankfully no.

And--potential TMI alert--people do react in different ways. The very first thing I wanted afterwards, before I even managed to wrench my brain into gear enough to put words to what had happened, was to be touched by someone who wouldn't hurt me. Just, like. Reality check that intimate touch that does not leave six weeks' worth of bruising is indeed a thing that exists in the world. If someone I trusted had offered to soap my back and politely ignore my gross sobbing while I washed the uckiness off, hell yeah I would've taken them up on it.

(I love non-con fic. Even when it's crappy formulaic h/c, I love that fandom feels the need to tell stories about this thing that looms so large in our collective consciousness. And when it's well done and the characters' reactions are affected both by the circumstances--being attacked by a stranger, pressured and coerced by an acquaintance, betrayed by a friend, or tortured by someone who hates you are all gonna leave different sets of issues behind--and by what we know about the characters as people, then I can chow down on it like some sort of masochistic comfort food.)

[(Anonymous)]

My point was that it was painfully obvious that the author had never been raped and had no idea what she was talking about whatsoever. As apparently, you don't.

[dreemyweird]

I don't think rape necessarily results in the victim's being wary of all men? Sometimes they'll be wary of a particular group (e.g. ethnicity), sometimes they won't be wary at all. I'd say it depends on the character.

[(Anonymous)]

This is true. I was raped and I then asked my male friend if I could get in bed with him after, although not the same night, because I didn't feel safe any more.

I hated most men at the time, but not him. I once shouted out loud that I hated men at a concert we went to. He gave me a disapproving look and I felt a bit ashamed, but I did have reasons. He taught me men are okay at a bad time for me. We're still platonic friends, both have other halves now, and he's great.

[dreemyweird]

I'm glad you had someone like this. He sounds like an awesome friend.

And I do hope you feel better now. I know traumatic experiences may be incredibly hard to move on from.

[(Anonymous)]

Actually, one of the reactions to rape is to want the touch of someone the victim loves and/or trusts to try and "wipe away" that bad touch of the rapist. To reassure them that they are still loved/cherished/desirable afterwards.

Not all rape victims go "don't touch me!" in the aftermath. So, yeah... I feel sorry for the author you felt it necessary to "correct".

[(Anonymous)]

Don't feel sorry for her. She was attempting to write about something of which she had no experience and had obviously never done any research into.

[(Anonymous)]

And hopefully, she never has that experience.

[dreemyweird]

To be honest, I think this is no indicator of whether somebody has gone through abuse or not. Actual abuse survivors may simply not be talented/experienced enough to describe their emotions in a "convincing" way. I know I used to write incredibly shitty fic about child abuse.

That being said, I feel you re:abuse as bland h/c fuel :/ It just feels unrealistic when the focus shifts so quickly without the characters being in any way affected by the events. Like, one moment it is abuse, and the other moment it is sweet h/c shit. I don't mind the connotations so much as the fact that it greatly diminishes the plausibility of the plot.

[(Anonymous)]

I agree, and I feel the same way about any h/c fic that suddenly sweeps away the injury side. Especially fics that have one person be at death's door (they've been stabbed, or have a fever) and then suddenly when the other person rushes to them to confess their love, they're well enough for sex. That sets my teeth right on edge.

I see injury/illness used more often than the abuse angle for h/c fics. It's got to the point where I avoid any fic where a character gets ill or is attacked, because I assume it's the set up for some really abominable writing that conveniently forgets one of the character's arms is falling off when it's time for the sex scene.

[(Anonymous)]

You two must hate theatre and every other artistic expression pretty much.

[(Anonymous)]

Waaaaaaah people are writing what I don't like ;______;

Get over yourselves.

[(Anonymous)]

Pfft, nobody wants to read about abuse. It's "unrealistic" because that's waht normal people love and want, unlike your shit tastes.

[dreemyweird]

Defensive much?

I never said that others don't have the right to write and enjoy these things. By all means, go right ahead, YKINMK.

What I did was state my opinion. Because exchanging opinions is, like, you know, half of the point of fandom conversations.

(and as to wanting to read about abuse, I fear you might be sort of disappointed if you ever venture to read actual literature).

[beverlykatz]

While the people upthread are correct in saying that there's no "real"/right way to deal with child abuse and that the authors may just be dealing with their own abuse, I still agree with you. 99% of the time it's poorly written and shows that the author (almost) definitely doesn't know anything about actual abuse. This carries over into a lot of pop culture portrayals of child abuse, too.

The abuser(s) are often portrayed as ultimate chaotic evil types who like to hurt children for the hell of it, beating or molesting their child because... fun? The child is reduced to tears, acts much younger/older than they really are (which can and does happen in real life, but it smacks more of an author who doesn't know how kids behave at different ages), and generally seems to have popped out of a 90s after-school special on abuse. The long-term ramifications are incredibly detrimental and always visible; flashbacks that end with the victim in the fetal position, being soothed by Love Interest A, are particularly common. Any victim who claims to be over the abuse is either deliberately lying or repressing the trauma. (Good thing the healing peen/vageen is all-powerful!)

Again, I know people can use fic to handle their own issues, but it's a lot more common for it to be used as a source of cheap drama or a trauma to handwave away personality flaws.

(Slightly OT, but one of the best depictions of an abusive parent I've ever seen is Mr. Lahey, Isaac's father from Teen Wolf. I'm not a huge fan of the show overall, but the scene from the first scene where they were eating dinner was absolutely spot-on. I was trembling afterwards. It could have been taken straight out of my own childhood.)