fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2684 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2684 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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07. [WARNING for abuse/child abuse]

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08. [WARNING for depression]

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09. [WARNING for eating disorders]

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10. [WARNING for rape]

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11. [WARNING for rape]

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12. [WARNING for sexual abuse]

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13. [WARNING for suicide]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #383.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

So there's this bus driver who's really good at her job, one of the top bus drivers in the city, and so one day her boss tells her, "You know, you've been doing great work. I think you're ready for a promotion. I think you're ready for the Sesame Street bus."

So she shows up at the bus garage the next day to find this giant bus covered with paintings of Big Bird, Elmo, and other muppets like that. Her boss gives her the key and the route, shows her where her stops are, and she's off.

She opens the doors at the first stop, and there's just one passenger waiting-- and it's the largest woman she's ever seen. Large in every sense-- this woman is tall, wide, thick, and she stomps onto the bus with heavy footfalls. In a scratchy voice she introduces herself, "Hi, I'm Patty," and then makes her way to the back of the bus.

The bus driver continues on her route, and eventually reaches the next stop. She opens the doors and looks out-- then looks back towards the back of the bus, because the woman standing at the stop is almost an exact clone of Patty in the back of the bus. This new woman stomps onto the bus, and in an identical voice, also introduces herself, "Hi, I'm Patty." She then heads to the back and sits the opposite corner.

At this point, the back of the bus is dragging a bit from the combined weight of the two women, but the bus driver continues on regardless. At the next stop she opens the door, and a slight, pale man steps onto the bus, nervously wringing his hands. "Hi...I'm Ross..." he whispers, before settling on a seat in the middle of the bus.

The doors shut and there's a slight rumble as Patty #1 gets up from her seat and makes her way to the front of the bus. She leans over to the bus driver and in a loud whisper, "Take care of Ross, will ya? He's a little special."

Patty returns to her seat as the bus continues along. At the next stop a sprightly elderly gentleman springs onto the bus, eagerly shaking the driver's hand and announcing, "Hiya everyone! I'm Lester!" He plops himself down in the seat directly behind the driver, whistles cheerily as he removes his shoes and socks, props his feet up on the driver's seat, and begins picking at the bunions on his toes.

Disgusted, the driver manages to ignore it and makes it to the final stop, where all the passengers finally leave. She then drives the bus back to the garage, and immediately heads to her boss's office and hands in her key. "I can't. I can't do this."
"Why not?" He asks, shocked. "I thought you were ready for this!"
Distraught, the bus driver replies, "I guess I wasn't ready for two large Patties, Lester pickin' bunions, and special Ross on a Sesame Street bus!"

Oh god I hate to be that guy, but you've got two parts wrong:
1. Lester's full name is Lester Cheese (this is important because--)
2. The punch line is "Two obese Patties, special Ross, Lester Cheese (picking bunions) on a Sesame Street bus." It has to mirror the Big Mac jingle or it's less funny.

Now that I've shot the joke in the face, carry on.

Omg...I heard this joke once from my brother's random friend forever ago, and I've been telling it wrong ever since! Ahh how embarrassing hahahaha

Don't be embarrassed, just tell it right the next time ;) I wouldn't even have said anything if this hadn't been my dad's favorite joke for about 3 years in the mid 2000s--he used to be able to make me lose my shit just by starting the punchline.

[ SECRET POST #2684 ]

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