fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2688 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2688 ⌋

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[Frozen]

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[Criminal Minds, Elle Greenaway]

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[Utopia]

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[Prison Architect]

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[One Piece]

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[Orphan Black]

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[Craig Ferguson]

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[Sarah Rees Brennan]

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[Knights of Sidonia]

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[Star Trek: The Next Generation]

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So for context, I was really, REALLY sick a few years ago. I was just shoveling down food to try to keep from losing weight, and I still kept getting thinner and thinner and thinner. I've gained forty pounds since the worst of it, and I'm still skinny--that's how underweight I was. I'm medicated now, and I'm healthy now, so yay for that.

I reached a point where I was forcing myself to eat, even though I hated the food, and I'm not sure I ever got past hating it. If I wake up at eight in the morning and just follow my impulses, my stomach will be growling by nine or ten, but I probably won't eat anything until one or two in the afternoon, because I just don't want to eat. And when I do eat, even if I'm still hungry after finishing my meal, I have to push myself to make something else or go back for seconds, because I just don't want anything more.

I'm capable of pushing myself and eating when I don't want to, but I don't want it to keep being a push. There was a time, before I was really sick, when I just ate whenever I was hungry--I wasn't having to force it down like I do now. I want to get back to that state, but I'm not sure how to do so.

I guess this is kind of a stretch, but does anyone else here have experience with something like this? How did you handle it?

(I do have a therapist, but he's really fixated on my self-esteem, and he doesn't seem to like it if I try to discuss any other issue with him.)

I have direct experience with almost exactly this thing.

(at the height of my sickness I was <160lbs at 6'7")

Don't have the time right now to make a really indepth post, but I'll respond fully tommorow.

I haven't been in that situation, so I can't speak to actually getting back to the mental state part.

But on a practical level, maybe try keeping liquid calories around? Like, put protein powder in a water bottle or make a smoothie in the morning. I don't know if you work the same way, but to my brain, liquid calories don't really register as food. That might at least get you past the "ugh, I need calories but don't wanna eat." hurdle.

Ah, Ensure. I drink one every morning and one every evening. It's a bit expensive, but it gets around every excuse for not having at least something.

No advice for your specific problem, but if your therapist discourages you from discussing other issues that are worrying you, it might be worth looking into switching therapists, or at least bringing that up with him.

Yep. My experience is that therapy was much more helpful when I was in control of what we were talking about. I had specific issues that I wanted to work on and that was what we talked about. The times when I just went along with what the therapist wanted with no thought for what I wanted to get out of my time there was not nearly as helpful.

This. I'm seriously side-eyeing a therapist who doesn't want to talk about any other issues you might have. A potential eating disorder is pretty major! And, I'd add that there are more eating disorders out there than just anorexia and bulimia; those are the most commonly known, but there are others that present differently. This is what the category ED-NOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified) is for.

If a therapist is unwilling to work with you on more than one issue, and actively brushes off and dismisses your concerns, I would say it's time to find a new therapist.

First off, I don't have any experience like what you've described - I'm a big foodie, honestly. But I wanted to comment to see whether you've heard of mindfulness and mindful eating (which your therapist mught be able to tell you about), since I think it could help you. Basically it's about really listening to your body, not only when it's hungry but also when you're eating - like, instead of forcing food down just to get the calories in, concentrating on the tastes and textures of food and enjoying it as a sensual experience. And also listening to your body and finding out how it reacts to certain foods - for instance, you may be averse to eating because the food you're eating makes you feel sluggish or weighed down, and you might feel better eating smaller, lighter (healthier?) meals more often instead of 3 big meals.

Sorry if this is completely off base.

Interesting.

I'm one of the anons below (picky-eater runner with no appetite) and how I got out of my not-eating-food phase was through something similar. I didn't know this was a thing other people did. Thanks for sharing.

OP, if this is something you're interested in, check out this blog: http://www.fatnutritionist.com/

Despite the name, she doesn't just talk about fat politics, but about managing your responses to food no matter what your situation.

These things can be hard to deal with. Chronic illness, medication, mental illness... all of these things can take a drastic toll on the appetite.

It would be more useful to know why it is you think you don't want to eat more. Is the taste not appealing anymore? Are you feeling too full to continue?

I've experienced something similar. I developed a lot of GI problems a few years back and was forced to overeat to compensate, now I eat compulsively in spite of being at a healthy weight.

I don't really have a good handle on it yet, but I do know that if your therapist is not listening to you about what you want to focus on, you should try another one. I mean, I might be projecting here, but I think you need to take care of your mental health. Any good therapist won't take it personally.

Been there, sort of. Mine didn't start with an illness or having to force myself to eat, it started by my starting running, which for some reason torpedoed my appetite. I'm an extremely picky eater to begin with - if food doesn't have the right texture or color, no thanks - and the combination of running a lot and not eating was... not good.

Got through it by trying to make food a reward of sorts - I thought, if I wasn't going to eat much of anything, I could at least enjoy what I WAS eating. So I bought better quality stuff in smaller quantities, ate out all the time (I don't like cooking and am not very good at it), and would only eat things I absolutely loved. I had about a month where I ate just about nothing but avocados, onions, pasta, this one lentil soup that's my go-to comfort-food, bagels, and coffee. Was this healthy? Oh hell no. Was it healthier than not eating at all? Yes.

Eventually I got sick of eating the same things all the time (or maybe I was craving all the vitamins and/or protein I wasn't getting) and started eating like a normal person again. But it took a LONG time for this to happen.

Interesting strategy. I think my current experience is a lot like yours, minus the running part. I just hate preparing food, almost never feel in the mood for anything, and when I get going working (writing) I don't want to stop to eat even when I'm hungry. I've been resorting to Ensure some days, and eating more of the few things that do appeal to me, but so often I just don't feel like anything at all. It's reassuring to see multiple other people with similar issues.

Not necessarily a reward (because that can cause other issues), but find something that looks good, in the store or as a recipe, something you can get excited about, something that you look forward to. Plan it out, anticipation can be a very good thing.

[ SECRET POST #2688 ]

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You could make it an anticipatory event.