fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2689 ]

[ SECRET POST #2689 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2689 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

__________________________________________________

03.

__________________________________________________

04.

__________________________________________________

05.

__________________________________________________

06.

__________________________________________________

07.

__________________________________________________

08.

__________________________________________________

09.

__________________________________________________

10.

__________________________________________________

11.

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 026 secrets from Secret Submission Post #384.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Hey f!s, I have a life question that I was hoping I could get some advice on. I'm hoping to get a job in Japan that would start next April. I want my boyfriend to come with me, and so does he, but it looks like the only way for him to get a visa is for is to get married. However, I'm kind of scared to get married that soon. I'm 22 (will be 23 by the time the job starts) and am worried it is too soon and too adult of a thing for me to handle. The alternative is not seeing him for years, though. What would you guys do in this situation?

Do you have a date that you have to be married by for him to get the visa? Like, do you have to be married within a year of traveling, or whatever? Because, if not, spend the next 3-6 months as though you were married, set up a joint bank account (don't put all your money in it, but a budget for the two of you), live together (if you're not already), etc. Basically, act like you're already married.

If it works for you, then get married.

That's a good question and I'm going to have to figure out about the time limit, because I'm not really sure how visas work. But it's definitely a good idea for us to do the married-lifestyle thing for a few months first. Thanks, anon. I'd like to try that.

How long have you been dating?
The anon above has some good advice.

Coming up on 5 years. And yeah, they totally do.

Ok.
I wouldn't be surprised if you were in a good position to discuss this with him then, and know enough about the both of you to find a way. I can't give you advice myself, but I think that you'd be able to work out what's best, whether or not it's something that comes up here.
Best of luck!

It kind of depends on the two of you.

I actually have had friends in a similar situation: she was in the military, and they wanted to move in together. They decided to get married, since that way he could travel with her if she got restationed, plus she got massively improved housing and benefits. They were both in their early 20s.
However, while *he*, and pretty much everyone else in our friend group thought that this was mostly a practical step, and the actual romantic commitment would come down the line, *she* thought of it as True Love marriage. A year later, she was medically discharged, and it became a major issue when they separated shortly after that.
I have, however, known a few other military couples that did a similar thing, and then went on to have the romantic ceremony years later when they actually felt ready for the mental commitment.

So, if you think that both of you can agree, at this point in time, that the marriage is for convenience and practicality only, it can work. If not, don't do it. But there's nothing wrong with saying "We're not ready for this step in the relationship sense, but we don't want a lack of a piece of paper to keep us apart."

Funny enough, I had a friend who wanted to come over to Japan (I live there) and married her boyfriend so he could get the visa. I think she wishes she hadn't rushed the marriage now, but they seem happy enough.

A better alternative would be your boyfriend getting his own visa. Is it really the only way? If he's a fluent English speaker, I can guarantee he could get a job teaching English. Otherwise, a student visa is possible if he enrolls at a school to study Japanese or something. That's a bit more expensive.

Are you from a country that has working holiday visa agreements with Japan? (Not US) Otherwise tourist visas last for usually three months.

I wouldn't rush into marriage, to be honest. I'd search for alternatives as hard as I could, and if that didn't work, try long distance. but that's just me, I don't know you or your relationship. Good luck figuring it out, whatever you choose.

That's a really smart idea, about the teaching! I hadn't considered it since he doesn't speak Japanese, but for something like JET you don't need to, do you? That could totally be a workable idea! I'll ask him to look into it. Thank you super much, anon!

ayrt

You definitely don't need to speak Japanese to teach English - in fact, many schools don't even want you speaking Japanese during the lessons at all (so the lesson is 100% English, even with beginners).

You could try JET, but you wouldn't be able to guarantee where he will be placed. JET puts you wherever they want, and more likely than not, a random rural location. Might be tough if you already have a job lined up.

A better option is just to look for jobs at a private company (at an eikaiwa or as an ALT). A lot of the big companies will sponsor visas and even offer interviews through Skype overseas (Aeon, Berlitz, GABA). The big companies tend to be known for taking advantage of their teachers, but a visa is a visa (and you can always quit the job if you don't like it, and keep the visa :P) I myself worked for Berlitz in Tokyo and loved it. You can also check out GaijinPot or OhayoSensei for job listings.

Oh my gosh, you are a lifesaver! I would not have known about these options and they sound fantastic. We'll look into them asap. Thank you so much, man. This is looking like it could be exactly the thing we need. ♥

His job situation there is critical. I married so I could move with my husband and the terms of his visa meant that it was nearly impossible (and in the case of one later visa, illegal) for me to get a job. Completely tanked any career I might have had in those years.

Ooh dear. That's another point for above anon's teaching suggestion, then.

That's a tough one, I'm sorry. :( But even so, not sure I'd rush into marriage just to overcome a visa issue. That's a lot of legal ramifications in the U.S. alone you'd have to deal with (finances, splitting your assets in case of a divorce) and if you got to the point where you'd naturally break up... well. Breaking up is complicated enough without having to dissolve a marriage, too. There's also the fact that you're early twenties and yes, that's pretty young to get married. A lot can happen over the next few years, particularly in the face of a huge change like living/working in another country.

I'd look real hard into ways that he could visit regularly, keep in touch via Skype, phone, e-mail and care packages, etc.

Yeah, you're hitting a lot of points I've been worrying about. I would like to do this without getting married yet, if possible, so I'm going to try keeping looking for alternatives. Thanks man. I appreciate it.

From the visa standpoint, getting married effectively just means filling out the paperwork/marriage license (and maybe showing some surface stuff, i.e. getting a joint bank account). Get married on paper and continue to act like boyfriend/girlfriend. If you guys decide you want to get married "for real" down the road, then go the full-wedding route, and know that you won't have to deal with the paperwork because you're already married.

Getting married can be kind of a double-edged sword though, especially for jobs in Japan. I'm not sure what kind of a job you're looking to get over there, but they kind of frown upon hiring foreigners who are married. It could potentially get in the way of your job.

My husband was looking into teaching English in Japan (we're both TOEFL-certified though) but basically because he was married, almost all places weren't interested in hiring him. I think it's because they want someone who's single and has no strings attached, which would be cheaper for them to provide housing and other things to.

If you do get a job offer and you're still thinking about getting married, I would make sure you have it in writing or something that they can't pull back their offer just because you're married.

all the above is way better advice than I could give, but just some experience: my parents did this, I was an unplanned pregnancy, and though I am happy to exist they didn't last as a couple much longer. it was one of those "you think you know someone until offspring is involved" breakups. make sure you know that kind of situational marital philosophy stuff?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2689 ]

Life advice question time

Re: Life advice question time

Re: Life advice question time

Re: Life advice question time

Re: Life advice question time

Re: Life advice question time

Re: Life advice question time

Re: Life advice question time

Re: Life advice question time

Re: Life advice question time

Re: Life advice question time

Re: Life advice question time

Re: Life advice question time

Re: Life advice question time

Re: Life advice question time

Re: Life advice question time

Re: Life advice question time

Re: Life advice question time