fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2706 ]

[ SECRET POST #2706 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2706 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 079 secrets from Secret Submission Post #387.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
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Not just people who deliberately try to ruin relationships, but also the cases where it's just a by-product, whether knowingly or unknowingly.

Do you believe in the concept at all? How much responsibility do you think someone who's single has to not have sex with someone who's in a relationship?

This is really weird. Wasn't there a discussion with the same exact subject line many months ago? Or am I just having weird FS deja vu?

If there was I missed it, sorry! This is out of personal interest that wasn't there many months ago yet.

Makes for bad tv drama.

The person cheating definitely has to take a good portion of the blame.

The person they're cheating with... well. If it's nothing more than a one night stand or a game to them then I tend to think they're horrible people.

I've been both the cheater and the cheated on in two different relationships. If you are "the other woman" (or man) and have somehow managed to get yourself INVESTED in the relationship - I can say it's not an enviable position to be in, no matter what side of the fence you're sitting on.

And neither side is blameless. The cheater didn't just trip and fall into the other person's vagina (or dick), and the one in the relationship also didn't just "trip and fall", either.

It's not always a complicated issue. Sometimes you have two or one horrible asshole/bitch who is just a jerk to their lovers. But sometimes it's not that cut and dry, either.

It seems misogynistic and slut shamey to me. It's always the woman's fault because of course the poor man can't be expected to control himself and not fuck other women when he's married. (Of course, this doesn't apply if it's a guy who's called a homewrecker but I've honestly never heard that.)

I think a person (of either sex, for the record) who has sex with someone who's married (or in a relationship I suppose, but I've only ever heard it in the context of someone who was married) *probably* isn't a great person, but it's not their responsibility. They didn't break any vows, the other person did.

The person that is in the relationship is the one to blame. If I'm not in a relationship, then I can hit on or sleep with anyone I want if they'll have me. If I'm in a relationship, and someone hits on me and I cheat on my then partner, the homewrecker is not that propositioner, it is me for agreeing to it.

I think the cheater is doing the actual homewrecking and the single person is just a garden-variety asshole, if they are aware of the relationship.

do you mean you're judging them differently, or that one is worse than the other?

This. You can't wreck a home if you aren't even part of it. That falls on the cheater.

This. I also tend to give people the benefit of the doubt when they say they didn't know the person they were seeing was already in a relationship. Generally people who are willing to cheat know what they're doing, and they know enough to lie about it to both sides.

they're gonna wreck it

I can't really blame anyone who sleeps with/has a relationship with someone who they later find out is married. I just feel sorry for them.

Knowingly sleeping with someone who is married or in a committed relationship is shitty though. Not as shitty as the person actually doing the cheating, but still shitty. I just don't know how anyone with self-respect could do that especially if they're doing it while under the impression that the person will eventually leave their spouse for them (um, hello? if they're willing to cheat on their spouse, there's a pretty good chance they'll cheat on you too, dumbass)

I don't think it's okay for people to cheat, or to knowingly abet others in cheating. You should not have sex with someone if you know they're in an exclusive relationship.

That said, yes, as others have pointed out, the "homewreckers" concept puts too much blame on the second party and not enough on the party of the first part.

I think people that are in closed relationships have a responsibility to not sleep with other people. And that's the beginning and end of the responsibility for cheating on a S.O.

My boyfriend cheated on me with a classmate that he had barely known for two months. As far as I know she didn't know he was in a relationship, and he sort of made it seem he started seeing me ~after~ they had sex (we'd been together for five years) but I despise her. I know it's irrational, but I do. It didn't help that she was the type of person who gushes about how ~~smart~~ and ~~amazing~~ they are, but had unprotected sex with a stranger. Sober. Yeah, you're a fucking idiot.

Disclaimer: I don't put all the blame on her, my boyfriend is a fucking idiot too for what he did.

Re: What's your opinion on homewreckers?

(Anonymous) - 2014-06-01 01:10 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What's your opinion on homewreckers?

(Anonymous) - 2014-06-01 03:45 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What's your opinion on homewreckers?

(Anonymous) - 2014-06-01 05:15 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What's your opinion on homewreckers?

(Anonymous) - 2014-06-01 07:17 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What's your opinion on homewreckers?

(Anonymous) - 2014-06-01 08:26 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What's your opinion on homewreckers?

(Anonymous) - 2014-06-01 12:44 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What's your opinion on homewreckers?

(Anonymous) - 2014-06-01 13:57 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What's your opinion on homewreckers?

quirkytizzy - 2014-06-01 14:32 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What's your opinion on homewreckers?

(Anonymous) - 2014-06-01 15:02 (UTC) - Expand

Re: What's your opinion on homewreckers?

(Anonymous) - 2014-06-01 16:43 (UTC) - Expand

I don't care much for those kinds who cheat but are afraid to leave the relationship they currently have because it's too hard to leave for whatever reason.

Now, if a middle-aged man was losing his wife to some early onset dementia or something, and she basically no longer recognized him or at least recognized him as her husband and probably never would again... I'd have a hard time judging him if he started seeking companionship.

I think marriage vows should be followed as best as two people can, but sometimes life just throws some crazy ass curveballs.

If a woman was being abused by her husband, and she was running to a guy with whom she felt safe... all things considered, I probably wouldn't judge the cheating as much. I'd be all for her finding a safe place and getting a divorce.

But people in general who know about existing relationships and have affairs anyway... I kind of look down on that. If your relationship is so unsatisfying that you have to seek sex elsewhere, then you ought to be working on your relationship, or at least have the balls or woman balls to end the relationship first before getting with your new lover. And the single person should not pursue someone who isn't free to be pursued, no matter how much sweet-talk is being given.

I guess my point is people in relationships have their responsibilities as do the people outside the relationships. Of course exceptions exist.

If they know someone is in a relationship but pursue something with the person anyway? Then I have no respect for them. You have to be a pretty reckless, selfish person at best to do that to another human being.

They absolutely do exist, and those who do it knowingly and deliberately are the scum of the Earth. Yes, it is the responsibility of a committed partner to be faithful, but anyone who's aware that such a promise exists and intentionally enables/encourages/tempts the person to break it is an accessory to the crime. Especially if they have a habit of doing it serially, and/or if there are kids involved, and/or they're supposedly a friend of the partner who's being cheated on.

Speaking (mostly) metaphorically, they ought to be fucking shot. The fact that people seriously ask this question and others try to argue in defense of the homewrecker makes me ill.

(If they genuinely don't know, then I'll give them a pass right up until the point when they find out, at which point they need to fucking break it off YESTERDAY. Not only because it's the right thing to do, but because the cheating partner has now deceived BOTH other parties, and that should be a huge warning sign that this person is not trustworthy in any way, shape or form.)

Re: What's your opinion on homewreckers?

(Anonymous) - 2014-06-01 08:23 (UTC) - Expand

Knowingly sleeping with someone who is in a relationship that their partner believes to be monogamous is knowingly harming someone. It's an awful thing to do. So is being the person who cheats on their partner. Both of the people who do these things are culpable for the harm they inflict on the betrayed partner.

Sleeping with someone who is in a monogamous relationship with someone else but lies about it is not the fault of the "other woman/man" -- they were betrayed by the deception, possibly as much as the betrayed partner.

Like a lot of people have said, I judge them harshly if they're aware of their lover's taken status and still go for it. I've known a few cases where the third person not only personally knows the partner being cheated on but is friends with them. Those people are the worst.

Re: What's your opinion on homewreckers?

(Anonymous) - 2014-06-01 15:04 (UTC) - Expand

It's not great behavior to keep something important from your significant other's significant other, but you're not the one who made the promise of fidelity. The real blame falls on the person in the relationship. They're the one that made the promise, and they're the one that's supposed to care about their partner.

Why would anyone want to get involved with someone who's willing to cheat on their SO? The cheater is a total loser who deserves to be dumped. If the other person gets involved with the cheater, they should expect to be cheated on in their turn.

Anyone who knowingly gets involved with a married person/someone in a committed relationship, is also a loser, IMO. Try having some standards.

I knew a woman who got involved with a married man. She was shocked to find out he was also having yet another affair on the side. "How dare he cheat on me?" she said. He wasn't cheating on her - he was cheating on *his wife* with her and this other woman.

They should be punished biblically like in the olden days. Via stoning.

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