fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2710 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2710 ⌋

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But actually something I was thinking about earlier today: Is it a bad idea to date someone in your fandom? Or is it like internet dating on crack? Anyone have any horror/success stories, or both?

Sadly, the only person in fandom I was ever romantically interested in had an incompatible sexual orientation with me. It definitely negatively effected my joy with the fandom we shared though, and eventually I left it.

Well, my boyfriend and I met due to fandom, and we've been together for 5 years. So there's a success story, for what it's worth.

I met my girlfriend through Harry Potter. But it was after the fandom had died down (last year) so that might make it different from other cases.

My ex and I met through fandom and both of us dropped the fandom but kept up our friendship until years later when we started dating. I got to know him better and he was douche so that's why we broke up. But yeah, I don't think it's any different than internet dating in my experience.

My ex and I didn't meet through fandom, but fandom carried us through a good proportion of the years we were dating.

Without taking an exact count, I'd say that about half my relationships ever have been with people (male and female) that I met through internet fandom. By and large, they've been better than the other half... except for those in the other half who I met locally and discovered we shared excitement over some fannish thing. (X-Files, comic books, classic rock...)

I can't see how it'd be inherently a problem unless the fandom is literally the only thing you have in common.

Hell, my first boyfriend and I got together after spending our first meeting quoting 8-bit theater at each other. And that lasted 3 years. It's just another way to meet someone you might want to date.

It's a bad idea if the fandom is the only thing you have in common.

Why would it be an inherently bad thing?

I mean I'm not a big fan of internet dating, but it's not always bad if you're careful (and ofc you might meet them irl before you date them, or even already know them irl)

My boyfriend and I met at school, but we do basically share a fandom, sort of. (We're both huge Captain America fans, and marvel fans in general). Mostly, though, while our shared interests are a huge part of our relationship, they are not the center of our relationship, so it's not a big issue for us.

It means we'll nearly always have something to talk about and generally we'll easily agree on what to watch for a movie date or whatever (we've seen all of MCU Phase 2 together). But we also have our own wildly different interests, and we have plenty of things we do on our own (i.e. next Friday, I'll watch How to Train Your Dragon 2 on our own, but if everything goes to plan then we'll watch Maleficent together after that).

So if fandom is the front door to a relationship, I don't see anything inherently wrong witht that, but if it's the foundation, then there's a good chance the relationship will crash once you lose that underlying base (aka change or leave fandoms).

I never met anyone through fandom, but we do share fandoms. Are conversation are more meta/worldbuilding though, as he's less interested in the whole shipping thing (but is aware of it, and totally teases me about the slash thing in cool ways).

I wouldn't think it's a bad idea in general. It sucks if you break up but you're still both involved in the same fandom and constantly run into each other. But that can be true of pretty much anything.

While I admit I only know of failed "fandom" relationships, I think it's like any other hobby or shared interest. People date those from groups/clubs they attend all the time. There should probably be other connections as well, but it's no more or less likely to succeed because it originated in fandom

[ SECRET POST #2710 ]

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