[ SECRET POST #2727 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2727 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 082 secrets from Secret Submission Post #390.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Enthusiastic consent

[(Anonymous)]

I know this is controversial, but I kind of want to know how people feel about it.

Is consent not really consent if it's not enthusiastic? Like, if you choose to have sex because you want to please your partner and not because you really want to have sex, then is that a problem?

To be clear, I'm not saying that coercion is okay. If someone feels pressured to have sex, then that is absolutely a problem. What I'm more talking about is two people in a committed relationship making the choice to please one another even if they may not themselves be into it.

Re: Enthusiastic consent

[(Anonymous)]

No it isn't a problem. Sometimes when you love someone, even if you are not int the mood, you still want them to be happy. So you go "Come here let me give you a blowjob so we can watch Family Feud in half an hour."

Re: Enthusiastic consent

[(Anonymous)]

Of course it's fine. I think most people in long term relationships do it at some point. There are even some asexuals in relationships who do it all the time and it seems to work for them (though it's not something I would be comfortable with)

Re: Enthusiastic consent

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, in that situation - provided that it's obvious that other person is consenting of their own free will. It's only when it gets into the "Well...maybe... -proceeded to be talked into it/whatever-" territory that I'd start saying it's not okay.

Re: Enthusiastic consent

[(Anonymous)]

You don't have to bust out the pom-poms every time you have sex; it's okay to be casually into it, so long as you have your own reasons and are actually consenting of your own free will.

Re: Enthusiastic consent

[(Anonymous)]

I think it really depends on the situation? I don't think it's inherently bad to have sex with your partner, not because you're really feeling it, but your partner is in the mood and you want to make him/her happy. But that's assuming you have a really comfortable relationship and there's no "coercion" involved.

Re: Enthusiastic consent

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think lack of enthusiasm makes it non-consent necessarily, but I'm not sure that's what people are saying when they advocate for enthusiastic consent. Telling people that it's a good idea to make enthusiastic consent their measuring stick for consent is just safer. There's far less risk of misunderstanding or fucking a person who's only doing it because they feel obligated to do so or simply want to placate you.

It's totally fine in the legal and ethical for a couple to agree to unenthusiastic consent, but goddamn, don't people find that depressing as fuck? Why isn't that a thing people would want to avoid?

Re: Enthusiastic consent

[(Anonymous)]

It's not really that people don't want to avoid it. Most people do. It's more that there's no guarantee that two people will say sexually compatible for the duration of their relationship. In fact, the likelihood is that, at some point, their libidos and interests will diverge, and they'll have to find some way to deal with it.

It's very easy for some people to say, "well, they should break up, then." But most people in committed relationships do not love or want to be with their partners solely for sex. So, when problems crop up in the bedroom, they seek ways to work around them rather than throw in the towel. That can lead to instances of "unethusiastic" consent. But those instances aren't necessarily depressing, if they're coming from a place of mutual love, respect, and understanding.

Re: Enthusiastic consent

[(Anonymous)]

This. No matter how much you love someone, there will be times when you just aren't really feeling it, but you're willing to do it BECAUSE you love the other person and want to make them happy.

Re: Enthusiastic consent

[(Anonymous)]

No, it's not a problem, any more than choosing to do anything else you'd really rather not do because your partner asked and you want to make them happy. As long as you genuinely have the power and the wits about you to say no without fear of reprisal, it's all good.