fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2732 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2732 ⌋

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Okay, F!S, here's the deal. Someone close to me told me the other day that I was 'bad natured'.

It was a bit out of the blue, but now I'm really worried. I'm crabby as hell, but always thought I was a good person. I go out of my way to help my friends and family.

But anyway. I digress. How do I stop being an asshole, F!S? I don't want to be bad natured for the rest of my life. :(

I always though I was a pretty positive person, just sometimes I can be blunt and not realize people take what I say wrong. I've been told by a few people I have a bad attitude and It always surprises me because I never seen myself as being mean or angry all the time.

Uhm, the only thing I can think is, think hard before you speak, to make sure whatever you are going to say isn't going to sound mean. Obviously this is a bit easier to do when speaking over text or email. I have to do this, usually reading a message over like 5 times before I send it, to make sure I don't say something that could be offensive or make me seem mean. I'm not that good at communicating with people.

This is good advice. Sometimes people just aren't great at phrasing things in a way most people get and need to be a bit more careful about how they speak if they don't want to offend. It's manageable, but you might have to be a bit more conscious of how you speak.

You can be crabby and still be a good person! And unless you're a cruel ass 24/7 then whoever told you this is probably exaggerating a bit.

Everyone has their moments, you know? Even if you don't have the sunniest disposition that doesn't necessarily make you an asshole. I don't think we have enough information to say you are or aren't, but if you really do go out of your way to help people then you're far from a terrible person. Don't worry too much about it.

If they're actually close to you, try asking why they said it. It may be they were having a bad day and don't actually think so, or maybe there's a specific, changeable habit that makes them think you're bad-natured.

Not knowing any specifics, it's hard to say what, if anything, needs changing. For all I know, they could be the sort of person that expects you to smile all the time, and anything less than that is "bad-natured", which I personally don't agree with.

Do you tend to complain a lot about your life? Do lots of bad/annoying things happen to you that aren't your fault at all, while you think that a lot of other people's problems are of their own making? Do you tend to think the worst of people? Are you generally pessimistic and do you share your worldview with the people around you, even when they're excited about something or trying to look on the bright side?

If any of these things sound like you, your friend may have a point. You could start to change by making it a point not to complain about things and trying to be more optimistic, and see how things flow from there.

But if none of these ring true, then maybe your friend is wrong. Don't believe everything people say about you, even to your face.

"Bad natured" doesn't automatically mean "bad person" - it could be they were just talking about you being "crabby as hell". Maybe it just seems to them you're always crabby, which would mean you come off as bad natured. So I guess try to not be so crabby?

Um... well... was this person a friend? A family member? Is there a reason they would randomly say it, or has there been tension between you?

When they told you that you were "bad natured," did they clarify? No, simply saying "you're such a grump all the time!" isn't good enough. Specific examples, such as "it's like you're always rolling your eyes when I ask you to do something" or "when people talk to you, you don't reciprocate a friendly greeting" or "when someone does something for you, you never thank them." (Err, these are fake, of course. I have no idea how you interact with others.)

If you're happy with your life, I wouldn't suggest changing it, but as others have said, it would help to be mindful in the moment, and of others when you interact with them.

I think I'd try getting some feedback from more people you trust to assess the situation objectively, or ask the person why they thought so. I'm a crabby person too, and sometimes I can come off as being overly negative about... well, everything. If you find yourself complaining a lot, or complaining about the same topics all the time, that's probably something to work on. To you, it's just venting (or at least, that's what it is to me) but other people might view it differently.

Another thing to examine is whether or not you let other people talk or vent. It's frustrating to deal with someone who never has anything positive or nice to say AND monopolizes the conversation.

If someone calls you "bad natured", just say that you speak more with your actions than your words. :)

[ SECRET POST #2732 ]

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