fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2742 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2742 ⌋

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 094 secrets from Secret Submission Post #392.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

He has reasons for his hang ups. He's a pretty great guy in a hundred ways, but like all of us he has his flaws.

I'm sorry, but this argument really bugs me. Having reasons for an irrational hang up about women's sexuality doesn't mean they're GOOD reasons, nor do they justify what is a bad hang up to have because it's all about controlling your girlfriend's sexuality.

And the "like all of us he has flaws" is well meaning, but also nonsense. Yes, everyone is flawed. But not everyone gets upset that another person is finding someone else attractive. When your flaw is being really insecure, that's okay! You can work on it! But when your flaw is being really insecure and your approach is trying to control everyone else's behavior rather than working on your own, that's a huge red flag, OP.

It's possible to date someone for whom you do not have to make excuses. I hope you find that guy.

ayrt

I appreciate that you're well meaning in your response,and I can understand why you are offering the advice you are. Thank you for your concern, anon.

I would like to correct you on one point: I have not said my boyfriend is controlling. What I chose to keep secret so as not to make him uncomfortable is my own choice.

So relevant:

http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2012/06/missing-stair.html

It's good for your boyfriend that you're choosing to accommodate his discomfort with women's sexuality. Is he or will be be choosing to work on this personal issue so that the women in his life don't have to hide their sexuality from him?

This isn't like trying to be tidier because your bf is uncomfortable with clutter. It's pretending that something perfectly natural, normal and healthy doesn't exist because your bf isn't comfortable with something perfectly natural, normal and healthy. Yet somehow his discomfort with other people having sexual attraction trumps your right to express those feelings. I wish you luck in this, OP, but I wanted to speak up because I see far too many women fooling themselves into thinking that this sort of situation is normal and that they're doing everyone a favor by accommodating someone who isn't interested in reciprocating.

OMG, seriously just mind your own effing business.

For the benefit of anyone else reading this thread: I am perfectly comfortable with my own sexuality. He isn't. No, I'm not protecting him, but my strategy towards helping him overcome his issues doesn't involve FLAUNTING HOW HOT I FIND A CHARACTER IN HIS FAVOURITE TV SHOW.

Mostly though, just fuck off. Go and ride to someone else's rescue, because this is none of your business.

na

well you DID post about it online so what did you expect? if you didn't want people to give you advice about how your boyfriend can overcome his unhealthy attitudes towards women then you shouldn't have brought it up.

Yep. Posting about my uniform fetish was totally asking for an anon with issues to try and analyse my relationship.

At no point have I asked for advice.

* /sarcasm

da

"...he would hate me finding characters on a show attractive."

That doesn't sound like flaunting, though? Finding people attractive is pretty normal. I can see why you wouldn't want to rub your boyfriend's face in it, but I didn't get the impression that this is what you're doing. Him being so uncomfortable with your sexuality that you can't admit you thought some guy on TV was hot seems a bit extreme, too.

It's totally fine if this is what you want to do, but since you're thoughtful enough to help him overcome his issues, I'm not surprised that people are curious about what your boyfriend's doing to overcome these issues and whether or not it's a team effort or just you, pretending you're not attracted to other dudes because it upsets your boyfriend.

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