fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2751 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2751 ⌋

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I need some writing advice on how to describe a person from the POV of someone with a crush on them without sounding unbearably corny? What are some things to avoid? How do you do it still sounding original?

You probably won't sound original, so don't worry about that. It's all been done before. Shoot for "authentic" rather than "original."

Think about how it feels to crush on someone. Think about how that person's voice sounds, how their clothes fall, how their hair moves when they shake their head. Think about their smile and their laugh. Describe all of that.

Also, consider your character's age. Someone in their teens is more likely to think in "corny" terms. They're going to think that this person is amazing and wonderful and will make their life complete. An adult, on the other hand, is more likely to think in terms of how good this person might be in bed or whether or not this person is relationship potential (and there might be conflict between their attraction to this person and what they want in a mate).

Solid advice. Bring up small details. There are so many things people pay attention to when they're interested in someone that we completely ignore normally.

ah right...I guess that's what I really want. I was watching a review of a movie where the reviewer basically described the characters as two shallow characters in love and uninteresting and it made me worry about being like that.

*nod*

Hmm interesting. That makes sense.

Thank you

Focus on something that makes the person being crushed on stand out to the pov character.

It was the way he walked that attracted her. His spine was straight and his shoulders were pulled back, but his gait was fluid enough to turn and catch a football thrown from down the hallway. It was a walk that let him breath confidence, that brought a smile to his lips and passed it along to everyone he spoke to, that made her blush when he looked at her. Not only did she want to walk like him, but she wanted to walk beside him, holding his hand.

I hope you don't me asking a related question OP.

(more in the linked comment)

Are there any ways I can find for a character to describe certain characters as attractive or "pretty" in a way that is...kinda offsetting in disturbing but can still be subtle . The character is an adult character who has an attraction to teen boys.

The way she describes them is supposed to come across creepy to the reader but something that people might not notice. Like the reader can tell that she has a thing for these boys the way she does it but she denies and does it in a way that other people just ignore or assume is some quirk of hers.

What words would she use. I mean I get SOME ideas from reading books like Twilight and seeing how they describe characters sorta (because Meyer's descriptions come off as creepy to me) any other ideas?

This is an interesting one. Mind if I make a thread about it on a writing site? (I won't specify your username if you don't want.)

Oh sure. I don't mind if you specify my name or not. (although the creeper character is not the protagonist, she's the villain, the story just covers multiple points of view)

I just want some feedback on this. Thanks.

(I kinda want to just have the reader sort of unnerved by her descriptions. and maybe sort of the feeling of "she should not be thinking about boys that young like that")

Edited 2014-07-16 01:57 (UTC)

I made the thread. I'll see how it goes. http://mythicscribes.com/forums/brainstorming-and-planning/12537-making-your-pov-character-creepy-unsettling.html#post174861

Hmm I just got a username there and everything but it still won't let me view that thread...any reason why.

Dang, I forgot newbies don't get access to some forums. (I think the rule is five posts before you can access.) I can check back in tomorrow and tell you what they said.

okay cool sounds good. You can PM it to me if you want.

(reply from suspended user)

Oh okay *takes note* Thank you. Those will help.

Originality is overrated. Also, it's impossible. What you're aiming for is a realistic experience (which by definition may be a tad corny) but hopefully with some touching new insight for the characters in question. My advice is to remember that people crush on other people for reasons other than looks, sometimes. You've surely crushed on someone before, yes? What sort of things were you thinking when you looked at them?

Me, I was noticing physical attributes, certainly, but also smaller things: the way he held his pens and spun them around his thumb like a helicopter, what he brought for lunch, the way he walked down a hallway like he always had someplace he needed to be... things like that.

[ SECRET POST #2751 ]

Description from the POV of someone with a crush

Re: Description from the POV of someone with a crush

Re: Description from the POV of someone with a crush

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Re: Description from the POV of someone with a crush

TW: ehiblophile character

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Re: Description from the POV of someone with a crush