fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2752 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2752 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Fargo]

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03.

[Orange is the New Black]

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04.

[Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton]

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05.

[DS9, Far Beyond the Stars]

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06.

[Starsky & Hutch]

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07.

[Trent Reznor, Nine Inch Nails]

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08.

[Captain America: The Winter Soldier]

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09.

[Galerians]

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10.

[Penny Dreadful]

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11.

[The Wolf Among us/Enslaved]

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12.

[Wes Craven's Scream franchise]

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13.

[One Piece]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 029 secrets from Secret Submission Post #393.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I hate how my dad having cancer is influencing my mental well-being. And I know it should be about HIM, not me, and how I should be his support, not vice versa, but it's rally wearing me out. Especially the constant not knowing,and it coming back. I'm up to the point where I actively try to repress it from my thinking because I just can't deal. And the weird thing is? We're not even THAT close.

Yeah, you feel weirdly selfish, don't you? It's hard to put into words the feeling. You feel sad and wore down, but you think you shouldn't feel that way because you aren't the one who is sick and you need to stoic and mature and supportive, but you just want cry. Personally, pushing it from my mind has worked, but it's probably not that great of a coping strategy.

That is a pretty accurate description of how I feel, yes :(

The thing is, he's not that young anymore. Even if he died...well, it's the natural order of thing, you know? But he's still my dad. I don't want him to die. I'm not that old, though, and my parents are immigrants...so, when they'll be gone I'll be all alone here. I'm not looking forward to that. What's left of my family is often also old, scattered across the globe and often estranged. But see, that's me making it about me again.

I'm sorry about your father and know there isn't anything to say to make the situation better, but imo you aren't being selfish. You're only human; if you feel tired, if you feel like you can't handle an emotionally draining and stressful situation like the one you've been put into, that's perfectly normal. Even if you aren't the one who's sick, his illness still effects you. Don't be too hard on yourself; the situation itself is hard enough without feeling guilty over being depressed or overwhelmed.

Thank you :)

Dude, you are totally allowed to be upset about it for your sake too. And it's normal for it to mess with you mentally and wear you out. Take care of yourself!

*hugs*

Thanks :)

When there's an illness in the family, it affects everyone.

Support him as much as you are able to, but don't wear yourself out trying to meet needs you're not able to.

Other people in the family ought to be stepping up as well. I don't know how many of you guys are around, but I hope you're not alone and don't feel alone where your dad's cancer is concerned. You say you're not close, but it's clear you care.

There's just me and my mom, really.

He has some other family, but they're a bit estranged (and technically in another country, though it's still an easily drivable distance). But it's not the same as having family nearby. His sister actually tried getting closer when she heard, but he's the sort of guy who doesn't like talking about it, and doesn't like pity.

I'm sorry, anon. That's a bit difficult. I can understand not wanting to be pitied too. But I see that does put others in an awkward place, wanting to reach out but not wanting their actions to be misread as pity either.

It's not really his fault. He's not that good with expressing his feelings because of shit that happened in his childhood (very short version: both his parents basically abandoned him). He didn't really grow up with his siblings, either, so it's sort of a difficult situation all around. I can sort of understand that, because I have an estranged half-sibling, too, and while I quite like her as a person, she might not be my first choice to stand at my hospital bed. My dad's side of the family is just sort of fucked up that way, sadly. At this point it's really nobody's fault, it's just not a pleasant situation to be in. And I know that one day, might not even be that long, I'm basically going to end up outliving all the family I was close to. I have a decent network of friends, but it will still suck big time.

[ SECRET POST #2752 ]

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