fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2753 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2753 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The fandom I'm currently is fairly toxic. I suppose many fandoms are when you get enough into them. My fandom is also largely split according to two ships. I didn't worry too much about the fandom drama and largely stayed out of it. That was until I discovered a certain BNFs twitter account. This girl had been friendly to me in the past, and even told me that I had the best blog on tumblr dedicated to one of our favourite characters. What she and her friend wrote about me on twitter was vile and extremely hurtful.
I've been trying to move on from this event ever since, but it hasn't been easy.
Has anyone else had a similar experience?
Do you have any tips that could help me move on?

I'm sorry, OP. That says volumes about her, none of it good. I'd do a slow fade from fandom for a while, screencap the tweets for evidence and keep it on hand. If she or anyone else asks you where you've been or why you're not talking to this person, be matter of fact and say that you found her to be very nice to your face, but otherwise... not so much. And you didn't want that kind of drama. If people press you or express skepticism, hit them with the screencaps. Whatever you do, keep it cool and nonchalant. Don't give in to the urge to backstab her like she did. Keep it casual. "Yeah, I know, can you believe it? She seemed so nice.I just didn't want any part of that. Anyway, [change the subject]."

It doesn't sound logical, but this is often one of those "fake it till you make it" scenarios. If you want to move on, find other fandoms, people and hobbies to occupy yourself, even if you feel like you're going through the motions. Sometimes going through the motions is what you need to initiate that process.

*Hugs* I once accidentally gained access to a private mod forum within the forum I was going to, and found out a bunch of my "friends" there found my IMs annoying (seriously, the asshole didn't HAVE to reply to my IMs), thought complaining was a trend for me, hated my LJ, and in short, didn't really like me that much. So yeah, I've had that. I told one person what I saw, but didn't tell the others, instead just defriending them - however, now I really wish I had. The one person was apologetic, but I still couldn't be friends with her anymore. However, I wish I'd been more up front with the others. Maybe you should consider?

Having said that, I alluded to what I'd seen on my LJ, and people from that very site - who weren't involved with nasty gossip - assured me my posts weren't annoying, I wasn't annoying, and so forth. I'm sure that you'd get the same response. Some people are idiots, doesn't mean they speak for everyone.

This. Not to mention that people get bitchier when they run in packs. It gets to be less about the person they're hating on, and more about bonding with one another by being assholes. Irrational, but there you have it.

AYRT

Oh, absolutely, and to be honest I think that's what happened with the people who were saying those things - one person provided an "opening", and suddenly people felt comfortable saying things they normally wouldn't. So I think - and this may be true for the OP too - they were probably less worried about what a sucky buzzkill I was and more frustrated with fandom stuff in general, and I just became their target point for a few thread pages.

And yeah , that's pretty much exactly what happened to me. A friend of the BNF that was friendly with me started the hate tweets because I ship her NOTP, and the BNF just joined in. It was all pretty nasty though.

If it was me, I'd make a sockpuppet account and post those screencaps of the vile tweets so that the fandom can see what a piece of shit that person is.

But really, I would just maybe take a little internet hiatus for a while. Keep in touch with the legitimately nice people in the fandom, but take a break. Go back when you're ready.

....................... is this in Free! fandom

Slow fade if you want to, but if you're running a blog for your favorite characters and you like doing that, maybe just retreat into whatever happy space you can find (how toxic IS your fandom?) and keep on doing what you do well. Is this a tumblr blog with followers? If you feel comfortable, you might try asking why they started following you/what they think about you and your blog. Nothing wrong with asking for some reassurance.

Being a BNF doesn't give their opinions any more worth or validity than any random hate spam. There are... basically two ways to react when someone says nasty shit. You can internalize it ("I am ashamed") or you can let their words be their own ("They behaved shamefully.") It's like the phrase, "I'm sorry you feel that way" and how the burden of proof is on the one making accusations, not the accused.

It sounds like you're not interested in calling them out, so all you can do is file them away as an unpleasant person and avoid them accordingly.

Oh, one other thing I've seen is channeling fandom frustration into fanwork for your OTP. That can get a little self-righteous, though.

[ SECRET POST #2753 ]

Advice needed - In-Fandom bullying

Re: Advice needed - In-Fandom bullying

Re: Advice needed - In-Fandom bullying

Re: Advice needed - In-Fandom bullying

Re: Advice needed - In-Fandom bullying

OP here

Re: Advice needed - In-Fandom bullying

Re: Advice needed - In-Fandom bullying