fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2754 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2754 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Of Heroes and Villains, by Minikisa]

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[Orange is the New Black]

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[Axis Powers Hetalia]

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[Lone Survivor]

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[Yasunori Kato, Doomed Megalopolis]

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[Spartacus and Game of Thrones]

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12. [WARNING for underage sex (and probably dub/noncon too)]

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13. [WARNING for rape]

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14. [WARNING for noncon/dubcon]

[Buffy the Vampire Slayer]

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15. [WARNING for child abuse, rape]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #393.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 (tw: rape) - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

...to feel like I'd be relieved if my parents die sometime soon? They've emotionally abused me all my life but it's only recently that I've mostly stopped feeling sad when I think about them being, well, gone forever. I even feel relieved at the thought. They'll be out of my life, but I won't have to break their hearts, because they really just don't understand what they've done to me, and their main fault is that they won't listen when I or my therapist tries to tell them. I wouldn't kill them, of course, and I won't sit there praying for the plane to crash the next time they fly somewhere or anything like that, because that would just be horrible of me on multiple levels, but...is it wrong, to feel like...like this? Like it would even be a good thing for me if something happened to them?

No, I don't think so. Being relieved that something that was inevitable and out of your hands happened, isn't the same thing at all as actively wanting them dead.

This is a complicated issue that really deserves a complicated answer, but I'm going to simplify it and say no. It's not wrong at all.

I felt this way about my mother for the longest time, and only recent have I finally been able to start accepting her for the flawed person she is. For the flawed people we both are.

And I'm not saying that as a "well, of course you'll feel better about your parents in time" but rather that life and relationships aren't perfect. Parents aren't perfect. Sometimes your relationship with them improves. Sometimes it doesn't.

But in the meantime, it's not wrong to feel... it's not even "resentful" because "resent" implies anger, but that breath of freedom and fresh air and just peace when they're not around. And feeling bad that you feel that way and trying not to feel that way only makes it worse.

So yeah. TL;DR version: It's not wrong to feel that way. Take life one step at a time. Maybe one day the feelings will go away. Maybe they won't. Regardless, don't force yourself to feel one way or another because that's not how feelings work.

Also also, a therapist could be of some help, depending on how much you want to talk (or not talk) about this. It's up to you.

I don't think it's necessarily wrong or right as long as your life isn't consumed by thinking about how relieved you would be if your parents died. I think it's definitely worth mentioning to your therapist though if you haven't already.

Not any more wrong than the fact that my first thought when I saw your question was "Well, that depends... is there any money in it?"

If it's wrong then I probably won't be right anytime soon... one of my friends still gets emotionally abused by her ailing mother and every time she worries about her mother's health I feel a stab of "Oh good, maybe this time she'll bite it and you can finally be rid of her forever." She's toxic and clingy as fuck and this is the only way she'll ever leave my friend alone. So it's probably not exactly healthy, but I think it's a pretty common response to having to put up with really crappy people.

No, I don't think so. There's a big difference between being relieved or not caring much at all when someone dies and being happy about it. And even the latter would be understandable, in a case like this.
I feel the same about my brother - I actually sometimes think that I wouldn't be too sad if he bites the dust any time soon because he basically singlehandedly destroyed my family with his bullshit. Only reason I'm hoping he won't die anytime soon is because my parents would be devastated, even though he is such a fucking asshole. But if he did, at least I wouldn't have all the trouble with him in the future.

I spent my entire childhood wishing my father would die.

[ SECRET POST #2754 ]

Re: Is it wrong of me...(tw: abuse)

Re: Is it wrong of me...(tw: abuse)

Re: Is it wrong of me...(tw: abuse)

Re: Is it wrong of me...(tw: abuse)

Re: Is it wrong of me...(tw: abuse)

Re: Is it wrong of me...(tw: abuse)

Re: Is it wrong of me...(tw: abuse)

Re: Is it wrong of me...(tw: abuse)