[ SECRET POST #2762 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2762 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 070 secrets from Secret Submission Post #394.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - take it to comments ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry but how does headcanoning a character who has no interest in dating as asexual make it more difficult for real people who are asexual to be taken seriously? Are you afraid to be told that you're not a real asexual because you date? Because at least on tumblr people are very aware of the sexual/romantic orientation split and characters get headcanoned as "asexual homo-/hetero-/biromantic" all the time. Which is also something the people with a hate-boner for tumblr complain about as "constant overlabeling".

[(Anonymous)]

It's more that it said that this guy is 'more interested in dragons' as if his nerdy pursuit is a reason for him not to want to get with anyone or an excuse for him not to, which is not good for the image of asexuals.

Asexuals often suffer from stigmatization in this regard, because many people see them as 'too interested in anime/games/shows/whatever and too socially awkward as a result to get a boy/girlfriend' rather than being genuinely disinterested in sex.

That's the problem.

It's using his hobby/career as a reason for his asexuality, which is not cool.

[(Anonymous)]

DA

That's a good point and I think that's why it bugs me. It's this whole idea of asexuality being this condition where you're just too busy with whatever to date, so voilà ... asexual! That's just a weird connection to draw.

[(Anonymous)]

And, like with Aspergers, too many who aren't like to claim it to hide their own inadequacy in that field. Trouble is those assholes who are appropriating the label as cover for inadequacy are the most vocal and therefore cause problems for the relatively few who genuinely do qualify.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't know that I'd say I use it for a cover for inadequacy. I have aspergers, and for a time, with the societal expectations of a relationship around me before I knew what it was, I thought there was something wrong with me and would become distressed by the idea of relationships and sex. That was because I had no interest but thought it was expected of me. But I've had offers for it, and even being a little socially awkward and diagnosed with it, it's something I could have done if I wanted. I just didn't want to. To say "I'd rather play video games" is a legitimate comparison, because if I compared what I enjoy more, it has absolutely nothing to do with what I'm capable of. It's what I'd rather spend my time and energy doing.

[akacat]

I think you're unnecessary mixing the two separate statements.

"What if Charlie Weasley is asexual?" -- Idea that isn't disproven by canon.

"Charlie was just like, "Guys, DRAGONS."" -- Second idea that is compatible with the first: Charlie isn't a horndog, therefore he may have more attention to spare to get obsessed with something entirely different. But the second idea is neither required by nor caused by the first.

I dunno, maybe the OP is also unnecessarily conflating the two. But I didn't read it that way.

[crunchysunrises]

This is how I read it too.

[(Anonymous)]

*sigh* nothing in the scenario you present implies that dragons would be the reason for Charlie's sexuality or that his a sexuality is responsible for his interest in dragons, and if that's the way you interpret it, that's your problem.

And when asexual are still struggling to be seen at all, let alone to be seen positively, I'm more than willing to let the trope of "a sexuals have more time for other interests" slide.

[(Anonymous)]

DA

This, completely.

[(Anonymous)]

But from the internet the only thing that Asexuals have time for is telling people that asexuals exist.

Time better spent studying dragons.

[(Anonymous)]

I see your point but the quote the OP was referring to doesn't come of as "asexuals have more time for other interests" to me. It comes off as "Charlie isn't shown to be dating but he has interests, so therefore he's asexual yayyyy!" The logic isn't there. It implies that people who are more interested in pursuing hobbies/career than dating = asexual, and also makes the reverse implication that asexuals = people who are too busy to have relationships. Neither of those premises make any sense to me.

[(Anonymous)]

I see your point but the quote the OP was referring to doesn't come of as "asexuals have more time for other interests" to me. It comes off as "Charlie isn't shown to be dating but he has interests, so therefore he's asexual yayyyy!"

I guess this is just one of those instances where different people read different things into text.

[(Anonymous)]

Respectfully, I don't think that's an asexual problem. That's an "other people being meddlesome and willfully misinterpreting things" problem. The reason other interests get brought up in relation to asexuality is because it's socially hard for non-aces to understand/relate to. Not because other!interests are responsible for asexuality.

It's a little like ... as a kid, I had zero interest in most feminine pastimes. I might tell people something like "I don't like dolls. I like dinosaurs." and this was meant to give them a clue about how to connect with me over stuff that I'd actually care about, as opposed to stuff they might mistakenly assume I'd care about just because I was a girl. People who took the hint gracefully got along just fine. People who tried to push me to express an interest in stereotypical girl things instead were generally being jerks. And people who concluded taking away my dinosaurs might fix my dislike of dolls (and it was so important for me to like dolls that they were justified in advocating that) were being intrusive assholes. In any case, the problem wasn't that I offered them a super-simplified overview of what I was and wasn't interested in. The problem was that some of them prioritized trying to change a non-normative person over succesfully interacting.

[(Anonymous)]

I wouldn't exactly call handling dragons a nerdy pursuit, though. We're pretty clearly meant to think of him as a pretty cool guy.

[(Anonymous)]

I could see where that'd be a problem, because it slots neatly into the whole "someone's not dating, so he's asexual" fallacy. People who aren't familiar with asexuality or who don't believe it's a thing could very easily say, oh, you're not asexual, you're just going through a dry spell, or oh, you're not asexual, you just haven't met the right guy/girl.

I'm not asexual, but I can see where that'd be annoying as fuck.

[quirkytizzy]

+1.

I'm going through a very long period of a dry spell where I'm just not interested in sex. I have my reasons. That's not the same asexuality and I imagine it would be very annoying for actual asexuals to be lumped in with the same reasons *I'm* currently not interested in sex.

[(Anonymous)]

This. I'm currently single because I'm dealing with some physical health problems and quite frankly sex and dating are the very last thing on my mind right now. Doesn't mean I don't have a sex drive at all, it just means I have other things to be more concerned about.

[(Anonymous)]

I'd assume the OP just doesn't like having to make room for marginalized people who are trying to do representation things with fanfic. I'd put them right next to the people who are like "ugh, why do you have to make [widely beloved character] brown in your fanarts? I hate that!" The idea that that kmeme prompt is badly representing asexual people doesn't really hold water. And it looks like a defensive afterthought. Like "you're making /your people/ look bad by putting this prompt in the broader fandom's face." Which ... no.

[(Anonymous)]

Asexual people aren't marginalized for being asexual.

[(Anonymous)]

Okay.

[(Anonymous)]

Uh, yes we are.

[(Anonymous)]

Tell me the last time an asexual's faced job discrimination, wage gab, or violence based on the fact they're asexual, and then we'll talk.

[(Anonymous)]

Does rape as a cure for asexuality and psychiatrists telling asexuals they must have a deeply hidden mental illness and should force themselves to date and fuck for their own good count?

[type_wild]

It's not addressed specifically as asexuality, but you might want to check out the book "Singled Out" if you want the full list of ways in which single people are discriminated against in the US. That includes a wage gap between married and single men.

[(Anonymous)]

Don't spend too much time on tumblr, anon. There's a lot about tumblr that's great, but there's also a significant portion of it devoted to looking for offense where there is none. Right now, you sound like an outraged Sherlock fan who think ACD purists are homophobic for pointing out how unlikely it was that Doyle was writing Holmes/Watson as a gay couple.

Acknowledging that someone's fanon interpretation has no support in fanon is a factual issue, not a social justice issue.