fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2767 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2767 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Work. Again. Sorry if response time is slow. :(

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 011 secrets from Secret Submission Post #394.
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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

If I talk about why I feel like something traumatic I experienced was deserved or justified, does that automatically imply that I think anyone else who went through the same thing also deserved it? Or do people instinctively understand that blaming oneself for something doesn't necessarily mean feeling the same way about the same situation applied to someone else? I want to be able to vent my own insecurities, but I'm afraid of coming off totally offensive like that.

I don't think it automatically implies that you extend those feelings to others, but I think the world being what it is, people will absolutely read it that way. But as long as you're very explicit and clear about the fact that this is a specific personal feeling and that you don't think the experience is deserved or justified for others, I think you will be fine, and I encourage you to share your feelings.

(I also doubt that you really did deserve whatever happened to you, but then again I guess I don't really have any idea what you're talking about, so)

It can come off at first that way to people, but if you elaborated on your feelings I'm sure most would understand. It's actually pretty common for victims to blame themselves, sadly. I hope that you in time realize that it's not your fault though, anon. ):

No!

It might mean you're a bit odd, though. Why the heck do you think you deserved a traumatic experience?

You are better now. How'd you become this?

...I'm acting the way I always have, dude.

I don't know, I think there is change. But you are nice.

Oh god are you apricot_smudge

NAYRT

Who?

A user from a while back who talked like that. Everyone liked them because they posted a lot of cutesy, vaguely ungrammatical stuff like "I like this! It is a good, I think!" They creeped me out, personally.

da
I thought that was because they were learning english. Kind of rude.

They didn't creep me out because of their broken English. They creeped me out because every once in a while they would make a comment about how some "bad" person was "infected" with something, and then go back to their usual I'm-so-cute demeanor.

Wait, what? I...don't remember that at all. :(

It only happened a couple times, but I definitely remember it. It was freaky.

OMG someone else remembers apricot_smudge!

I don't think anon is them. I wish they'd come back, though.

I uh... thanks? But I think you've been reading my posts very selectively.

This is such a patronizing comment.

Separating people into good/bad categories is such a sad way to view the world.

Well we are talking about Chard here.

Yes, everybody automatically believes it's the victim's fault. Always.

Maybe you should frame it as blaming yourself rather than saying you deserved it. And then work on why you feel that way.

They will take it that way, most likely. I suggest that if you want to talk about it with someone who's a professional psychologist, or someone you trust to whom you can explain what you mean in a calm manner. I don't think an internet forum would be the best choice.

Regardless of who you choose, keep in mind that the validation you seek may not come. There's victim blamers but there's also a lot of people who understand that no one deserves traumatic experiences. Some things lead to traumatic experiences, but that doesn't mean they were deserved.

It's probably not the best idea to talk about it with people who went through the same thing. If you do, be sensitive about it. Ask if it's okay to talk about it. Ask if they understand that you're talking only about yourself. Don't ever assume that people "instinctively understand" anything because that is pretty much the opposite of human nature.

*hug*

I don't think it means that necessarily but some people might take it that way so you gotta be careful, maybe vent to a specific person who can understand you're venting feelings about your situation.

I know there have been times I've bashed myself for having a disorder and said things about myself, when upset that I wouldn't ever dream of saying to other autistic people.

I don't think you deserved it though whatever it was

[ SECRET POST #2767 ]

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