[ SECRET POST #2783 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2783 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 069 secrets from Secret Submission Post #398.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - random pattern image ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

That sounds like a really sad and myopic way of viewing the world. "I can't understand people who had different experiences than me!"

I'm glad there's people like the anon who replied to you in the world. It's so much healthier and they are the type of people who will solve differences and resolve issues between people, while you are the type of person who will continue to fuel divisions, lack of empathy, and all types of -phobias in society.

I understand that it's probably not something you can help and you aren't choosing to be shitty, but it still makes me irritated to know so many people who are incapable of understanding different people exist, because in the aggregate, people like you are a problem.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think people do it on purpose. I think it's a defense mechanism that people use to keep the hurt at bay. When you look at happy parent/child relationships on TV or in film or books and you don't see that at all in your relationship with YOUR parents -- I think it hurts, deep down.

You wonder -- why don't my parents love me like that? What's wrong with me?

And even though you know, intellectually, that there's NOTHING wrong with you and that your broken relationship with your parents is ENTIRELY their fault, there's still a small part of you that feels the same way you did as a child -- rejected and unworthy of love.

And so, you close yourself off from those feelings and from empathizing with people who DO have happy relationships with their parents. To protect yourself.

[(Anonymous)]

"I can't understand people who had different experiences than me!"

Ironically, you're doing exactly this to people who have had abusive parents. You're taking a group of people who have experienced hurt, neglect, and rejection from the people who should have been closest to them and have developed defense mechanisms to protect themselves from the pain, and you're calling them "shitty" (though not by choice) and accusing them of being "a problem."

Saying, "It's hard for me to understand positive parent relationships when my own childhood was so awful" isn't a failure to empathize with others that will fuel divisions and lead to bigotry. But saying, "How dare you have childhood trauma that prevents you from fully enjoying depictions of the sort of healthy families that you never had!" does exactly the things you rail against.

[(Anonymous)]

This x 1000.

[(Anonymous)]

But they didn't say "it's hard for me." They said that they basically don't get it and have no interest in trying to imagine things differently.

[(Anonymous)]

They said they're unable to understand because of the trauma and hardship of growing up with an alcoholic father, and therefore they're not able to enjoy media depicting other types of father-daughter relationships. Why should they try to imagine things differently, when all that will do is underscore how terrible their own childhood parenting experiences were and make them feel worse? It's not as though AYRT is going around telling other people that they have bad fathers and shouldn't love them; they're not inflicting their experiences or views on anyone else. But you seem to think that they're not entitled to be unable to connect with positive portrayals of father-daughter relationships because of their own abuse, that they owe it to others to ignore their own lived experience for the sake of empathizing with fictional representations of family dynamics that they've never had the privilege of experiencing.

Let me underscore that - positive family dynamics that AYRT has not had the privilege of experiencing. Because that's what having a happy and healthy family life is: a privilege. You're berating someone who experienced childhood trauma for failing to understand what it's like for people who had a supportive and loving paternal relationship. What the hell makes you think this is okay, or that AYRT is the one feeding into -isms here?

[(Anonymous)]

as OP of comment, thank you so much for defending me. <3

OP of comment

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry if I didn't use enough words to explain myself.

What I meant was that when I see a father and daughter have an amazing relationship, it (subconciously) makes me compare it to what I had going on with my father and it gives me bad feelings inside which I can't quite define. What I do know is that it confuses me because I don't feel capable of putting myself in their place, I don't know what it is supposed to feel like to love my father and feel comfortable enough around him to do something as simple as hug him.

I can, however, like a normal human being, imagine and understand perfectly well that daughters and fathers can have great relationships. I see it often enough, it must be a great feeling! But, as I said, the moment I try and envision myself and my father in their place, I simply have a strange feeling inside my stomach, something that screams at me that it is wrong to go near him, that it will end in pain and sorrow.

In short, I understand people can have good relationships, but inside it still confuses and even shocks me. I don't even rub it in anyone's faces, I don't judge them for anything, this is honestly the first time I ever mentioned it to anyone. So please, don't judge me.

[(Anonymous)]

DA

You, on the other hand, *are* choosing to be shitty.