fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2785 ]

[ SECRET POST #2785 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2785 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Tenth Kingdom]

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03.

(Orange is the New Black)

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04.

[Dresden Files author Jim Butcher, Shannon Butcher]

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05.

[Panic! at the Disco. Brendon Urie]

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06.

[BBC Robin Hood]

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07.

[Chasing Life]

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08.

[Rooster Teeth]

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09.

[Hawkeye 2012]

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10.

[Legend of Korra]

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11.

[QI]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 045 secrets from Secret Submission Post #398.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm terrified of police. And before I start, no, I'm not black, and this post has nothing to do with Ferguson, so let's please keep it that way lest it get derailed and frozen.

I'm moderately haphephobic. I say moderately because some days I don't even think about touching-related things, and other days I can't stop envisioning worst-case scenarios. Maybe the fact that I do that at all means it's beyond moderate, but hell. That's not the point. I don't do anything illegal (okay, I jaywalk and occasionally maybe watch episodes of TV shows on sketchy free websites...), but anyone can be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and when police detain you, they touch you, don't they? They kinda have to, to make sure you don't run, right? I'm sure some of them, much like many civilians tend to do, may even do it to try and put you at ease. (I don't understand the thinking behind that, but then again, I don't know what it's like to be okay with being touched.)

Thing is, when I'm touched, especially by an adult, a stranger, someone with authority over me (all three of which apply to pretty much all police officers), or male, I panic. And what I tend to do is flinch or shrink away from the touch, but a) if they're determined, their hands will just chase me no matter how small I become, and b) I have no guarantee that my instinctive reaction one day won't be to shove or smack the hand away -- especially if I feel more threatened than usual, like, say, by someone being three or four of the things that make me more nervous than if they weren't. And then I'll be in more trouble, but worse, there'll be more touching. And I highly doubt I'll be able to control my reflexes (please, let's not bring up coffee anon, I know what that sounded like and I have no better way of putting it) -- my body is a lot faster than my mind, especially when I'm panicking and my mind is absolutely blank except for the thing I'm panicking about.

I don't have much reason for posting this, other than that my brain started doing the envisioning thing again tonight, and I'm feeling really anxious, and it makes me feel better to explain things clearly like this when I can because then I'm not thinking as much about what will happen when I can't.

always carry a note that explains your condition?

Police won't care. They killed somebody with Austism a few months back for acting funny.

Actually, no, they shot him because he went at them with a knife and cut one of them (I'm presuming you're referring to Stephon Watts, the 15 year old Black boy). The police had also been called ten times in two years (by his family) to come and subdue him.

The guy who was "acting funny" was running around Whole Foods (who were the ones to call the cops), repeatedly going into employee only areas, and other customers felt threatened. He's also schizophrenic.

I'm so fucking tired of this hatred for the police. It's no wonder they react the way they do when so many people make it obvious that they don't consider them human, just "pigs to be slaughtered".

Well they are pigs to be slaughtered.

da

You're a piece of shit. You do realize that they're human beings, right? A lot of them are human beings who joined the police force to help people, since the shitty pay and hours they get sure aren't incentives?

Sure, some of them are probably dickheads who became a police officer for the power trip of being able to wield authority over people, but it's actually not the most effective way to power-trip -- very unpredictable and erratic. Becoming an athlete or a boss is a far more effective way to power-trip.

The problem with police is the widespread lingering-fifty-years-after-it-should-have-ingloriously-died institutionalized culture of racism, chauvinism, and macho posturing engrained within many *departments*. Individual police officers are quite often perfectly good people. And also quite often, they're perfectly good people who can come off as dicks because they're a lot like 911 operators or ER nurses in many ways -- they've got a job to do in which lives depend on them, and they just don't have the luxury to tiptoe around people's feelings when they do it.

No, they aren't. You, on the other hand.

Not to upset you or anything OP, but have you ever been in a position where someone in authority has touched/grabbed you before?

I haven't. My high school counselor believed in immersion therapy and tried to make me and my classmates act like normal human beings when faced with our anxieties by repeatedly subjecting us to them, so he would invade my personal space, but IIRC he never touched me, and certainly not to restrain me. (I'm convinced his version of treatment actually made my fears worse, but I can't confirm that.)

You're probably more likely to be touched by other random people than by police.

If you are ever in some kind of proximity with a police officer and they need to detain you or something, start flat out by stating, "I have condition which causes negative reactions to physical touch." Promise that you'll cooperate, but because you can't control all your bodily reflexes, the touching needs to be as little as possible. A lot of police officers are flat-out dicks and it won't matter, but a lot aren't. If you ask them to keep physical contact to a minimum - and if you cooperate with what they say - then many will do their best to not touch (if only to avoid potential lawsuit if nothing else).

If you can, get a medical bracelet (or at least something that looks like a medical bracelet) explaining this. That way, if you're ever incapacitated in an emergency situation, responders and doctors and such will at least know about it, and if they are in a position to minimize touch, then they can do so. It would also lend you some legitimate when talking to police-officers on the spot.

If you are detained and touching is necessary, though, in many situations you can request a female police officer (if you yourself are a woman). If you're not sure, just ask, it can't hurt, and even if they aren't legally obliged to bring in a female officer, they may do that anyway if there is one near by (again, a lot of police officers are totals dicks, but many are also actual do-gooders, or at least smart enough to realize a detainee at ease is a lot easier to handle and process than a hostile one).

"I have condition which causes negative reactions to physical touch."

FYI: This sentence is a mouthful that would not only likely be hard to get out when nervous, but also be confusing in the moment. It's not a quick-grasp phrase. OP would be better off raising their hands slowly and starting with "Please don't touch me; I have a condition" and going from there.

I hadn't really though of that, mostly because the idea it could be a mouthful for some people didn't even occur to me. ~~Here, my linguistics minor, let me show it to you. :P~~

OP: Anon I Replied To has a point. Honestly, try out a few variations of different phrases until you find something that's easiest for you to say. Practicing would also make it easier to say when you're put on-the-spot. :)

I have a strong aversion to touch from most people (i.e. people who aren't close friends, immediate family, or an SO) in most situations, but I don't go flat-out panic like you do*, and I also have never had any kind of history with physical or sexual abuse - I'm just like that. I don't know why.

I've never thought of cops that way, but I don't think that would bother me as much if it's because they're doing their job as it would with people who are doing it unnecessarily. hm :|a

Anyway, I hope you are able to not give too much anxious thought to this because dwelling on it can't help. It's also highly unlikely to ever happen.

*it has never happened, though I guess I can't say that it never will, if someone doesn't push it too far. It seems more likely that I'd just snap and get really hostile and revert to basic defense instincts, but...maybe that's sort of the same thing? I do get a quick flash of "NOPE" and usually give a rude retort (not premeditated or intentional) when someone touches me out of context. It makes me really uncomfortable and I can still "feel" the touch minutes later.

In addition to the good advice that's already been given - I haven't had much experience with police (I'm with you on the illegal things), but when I've been detained in the past, I was not actually touched (nor did the officer really enter my personal space). Yes, sample size of two and all that, but maybe it'll help to know that touching isn't a sure thing if you're ever in that situation?

I have to recommend you see if you can get therapy to alleviate this condition, OP.

I'm really sorry, but...this is something that could *really* be dangerous to yourself and others. And I'm not even talking about the police, I'm talking about any other of a hundred situations where you might need to be touched by someone unexpectedly in a life-or-death or extremely sensitive or dangerous situation - a car accident, a natural disaster, the midst of a sudden violent event, a situation where making a noise or a sudden movement might cause an animal to attack you, a mugger to shoot you, or a ceiling to cave in on your, where an uncontrollable reaction from you could accidentally wind up killing or badly injuring yourself or another person.

I really hope this doesn't freak you out, OP, and I really, honestly, am not saying this to give you distress. But it's just something that really, truly could end up causing really, really bad consequences for you or someone else.

Obviously, if nothing works, there's nothing you can do about it. After all, there are disabilities, physical or mental, like paralysis, blindness, deafness, OCD, vertigo, etc, that make it impossible for some people to do things that could save their life or others', and in those cases you've gotta just live and let live because there's no use worrying pointlessly when you can't do anything about it. But it seems like this *might* be something you can overcome with therapy, and it's just as dangerous as a disability, so I really, really recommend trying.

This, so much. The answer is not to avoid it - this is something that you NEED to confront for your own safety and the safety of others.

And coming from someone with OCD, actually, you CAN learn how to handle it and not be afraid. It isn't easy, it takes a long time, and it's scary, but it can be done.

I'm going to be blunt and echo the above anon: this is something that you really, really need to get therapy for. In an emergency situation, first responders may need to touch you in order to help you, and panicking and flailing around will just make the situation worse and possibly injure you even further. You need to be able to deal with that for the sake of your own health and safety.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2785 ]

Re: Possible tw: unwanted touching, panic attacks

Re: Possible tw: unwanted touching, panic attacks

Re: Possible tw: unwanted touching, panic attacks

Re: Possible tw: unwanted touching, panic attacks

Re: Possible tw: unwanted touching, panic attacks

Re: Possible tw: unwanted touching, panic attacks

Re: Possible tw: unwanted touching, panic attacks

Re: Possible tw: unwanted touching, panic attacks

Re: Possible tw: unwanted touching, panic attacks

Re: Possible tw: unwanted touching, panic attacks

Re: Possible tw: unwanted touching, panic attacks

Re: Possible tw: unwanted touching, panic attacks

Re: Possible tw: unwanted touching, panic attacks

Re: Possible tw: unwanted touching, panic attacks

Re: Possible tw: unwanted touching, panic attacks

Re: Possible tw: unwanted touching, panic attacks

Re: Possible tw: unwanted touching, panic attacks

Re: Possible tw: unwanted touching, panic attacks