[ SECRET POST #2792 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2792 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 047 secrets from Secret Submission Post #399.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[kallanda_lee]

Most people actually enjoy real human relationships, OP.

And while many of us still have fandom crushes, or idealized fictional partners - we also have living, breathing humans we have relationships with. And yes, they well be imperfect - they will fart, or come home from work annoyed, and not have a perfect sixpack, and sometimes even fight with you.

But, that's life.

To most people, it's worth it.

No, they will never be that perfect person you can create in your head. But that does not mean it's noworthwhile.

[nyxelestia]

I get that it's a lesser of two evils situation, but I do still question why people see it as such a bad thing. Especially the whole "genuinely happy vs giving up" debate. Why is it people who are "genuinely happy in solitude" are okay, but people "aren't" - those who've tried having relationships, didn't like it, and now are turning to solitude to see if it works better - are not okay?

Especially since, quite frankly, even most fictional characters are almost never perfect, anyway. It sounds less like the OP is seeking perfection and more like they are willing to put in a certain amount of work - but they haven't found anyone worth putting in that work for, so they've given up putting themselves through the repeated misery of failed (and possibly abusive) relationships to spend more time on something they know they enjoy.

[(Anonymous)]

You realize you're basically asking why people who are geniunely happy being alone are happier than people who are not happy being alone in situations where they are alone? One of those kinds of people is going to be happy and one is going to be sad, and OP definitely sounds like the second kind. I don't think you quite thought that question through.

[nyxelestia]

OP doesn't sound like either of them, to me. OP sounds like they tried something, it didn't make them happy, so now they're trying something else - but they're frustrated because of how much that "something else" is looked down upon and derided as a situation that's impossible to be happy in.

[kallanda_lee]

Because of the phrasing, I guess? I've been deliberately single for years, but this feels different, and a lot of people are picking up on it. I get the wanting to protect yourself from the possibility of abuse, but I think it is a problem if potential partner starts being equivalent with potential abuser.

It does depend on how OP perceives things, of course, which we do not know.

The real problem with fictional characters, though, is that real people can never measure up to them - even the ones with flaws, because in your fantasy you can play out those flaws in such a way it will not affect your imaginary relationship.

What I mean is: if OP want to be single for a while, not have relationships, I'm totally cool with that.

But if they are holding up real people to the same criteria as idealized fictional characters, then not dating real people because they obviously can't measure up, then yeah I do think that might not be healthy.

[nyxelestia]

I guess I didn't really get that impression from the secret. I got the impression that OP just had a lot of bad experiences with real life relationships, and as such they are now turning to staying on their own and enjoying fictional realities because why bother with the pain and frustration of real life relationships for so little reward?

I can sympathize with that feeling, though from exactly the opposite direction. If OP has already tried something and it's not working for them, let them try something else and see if that makes them happier.