[ SECRET POST #2792 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2792 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 047 secrets from Secret Submission Post #399.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

11. http://i61.tinypic.com/2uoko4y.png

[(Anonymous)]

That's literally the saddest thing I've ever heard.

Also, there's this incredible thing where you don't have to be all alone even if you can't find any one perfect person for you. Hmmm....what's it called again? Oh right, FRIENDSHIP.

[quirkytizzy]

This seems a needlessly isolating way of thinking about it. I mean, I want to win a million dollars, but my chances of winning the lottery are astronomical to none. That doesn't mean I should just never get a regular job and work for what money I can have, though.

People are the same way. So I won't ever get Commander Shepard (or BE Commander Shepard)? Okay. That sucks, but that doesn't mean I can't find something as equally satisfying in a relationship with someone else.

[(Anonymous)]

Well, you'd be in good company on 4chan's /a/ board...

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with that. If you're legit happy that way and can be content with nobody, more power to you. It's just most people aren't.

[iceyred]

God, this is depressing. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be treated like crap, but what you're describing sounds like you're living in a basement, hissing at sunlight, and refusing to see anyone or do anything.

That's not healthy, man.

[pelespen]

I think I get what you're saying. The thing is, you should go with what makes you happy. A lot of people will say you "need to" be with someone, even friends, in order to be happy, because it's "not healthy" to stay alone. Bullshit. If you're happier alone, then that's what you should do. The trick is, if you're not really happy, but just giving up on trying for some preconceived notion of coupledom, then maybe rethink your perspective on the whole thing.

[(Anonymous)]

There is no perfect person for anyone. There are just people who enjoy each other enough to agree to work through the times they don't. Welcome to the world, snowflake.

[(Anonymous)]

good on you! whoever invented this whole thing about having to be together with someone to be happy was wrong, you can be perfectly happy doing your own thing on your own! There's no reason to settle for anyone you don't want, it wouldn't even be fair to them! I wouldn't want to be the person someone settled for either.

[(Anonymous)]

That's a very melodramatic way of saying you're not looking for a relationship.

[kallanda_lee]

Most people actually enjoy real human relationships, OP.

And while many of us still have fandom crushes, or idealized fictional partners - we also have living, breathing humans we have relationships with. And yes, they well be imperfect - they will fart, or come home from work annoyed, and not have a perfect sixpack, and sometimes even fight with you.

But, that's life.

To most people, it's worth it.

No, they will never be that perfect person you can create in your head. But that does not mean it's noworthwhile.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't know that most fictional characters would really be better? I mean, they're fine and admirable from this side of the screen/page, but a lot of them tend to be, perforce, more high-drama than I'd really like to live in proximity to. Many of my favourite characters are ones I'd steer pretty well clear of in RL. Even the ones that aren't, I think it would be different if you were actually living with them and feeling the consequences of their actions/opinions/lives. What's perfect from a distance isn't necessarily always so up close (and what's flawed from a distance may well be worthwhile given a chance).

I don't really date. I, ah, I tried it once for about two weeks, and was basically kind of baffled by the entire thing. People are very strange, and I don't understand a large percentage of what they do, so while they're fine in short bursts I tend not to want to keep very many of them around long term. The ones I do want to keep (platonically, I've never had much interest in sexuality) are mostly family already, and a couple of friendly acquaintances on an outer tier. But I'm very much fine with that, and if someone happens to come along via work or via some shared interest who seems to be less baffling or at least more pleasantly baffling than I've found so far, maybe I'd try to keep a hold of them. The situation hasn't really come up thus far.

I think it's fine to live in your head if you want to. If it doesn't hurt anyone, you don't have to justify what you want to other people, so long as it makes you happy.

There's just ... maybe a difference between happy and hiding? Be sure that what you're doing makes you happy for its own sake, and not just by comparison to things that have made you feel worse in the past. You don't necessarily have to change it if it's the latter, not immediately, but if it's not helping you on its own merits, maybe don't cling to it too much, and feel able to change if you have to or if something better and worth trying for comes along?

Not that it necessarily will of course, life is sometimes like that, but just keep an eye on yourself for your own sake, and try to keep a hold of the things that make you happy.

[(Anonymous)]

Do whatever makes you happy, OP.
If that means sticking solely to your fantasy, as long as you're not actually deluding yourself about the lines between reality and fiction, or getting bitter or hurting anyone (including yourself), then go for it.

People avoid a lot of different kinds of situations because those situations have hurt or traumatized them.
You're not obligated to find a real person, regardless of the social standards involved, if it doesn't make you happy.

[sachiko_san]

Since nobody's said it: 3DPD

[(Anonymous)]

I can understand how this feels, at least romance-wise. But at the same time, it's entirely possible to have a non-rigid idea of what you want, and be open to finding it out there in the world.

Some days I want to retreat into fandom and pretend so-and-so is my "husband" or whatever. But I know it's not real. I know I need to find some real friends, because that's what I need. And I know it won't be some perfect fated encounter like in every epic story. It'll just be what it is. But that doesn't mean I can't appreciate it for what it is.

You kind of sound like you're still trying to figure things out, though. No one wants to be persecuted just for being themselves. And everyone should have the chance to choose their own path. But being so bothered by others' disapproval that you're letting that dictate your life choices isn't the answer, either. Part of being true to yourself is taking things as they come, letting others think and say what they want, and genuinely not giving a shit about the haters.

[(Anonymous)]

Consider: is it really that the fictional characters in question are perfect or just that you get to learn about their imperfections from a safe distance where they cannot harm you and you get to see inside their heads and see how they think, so that if they ever magically appeared before you, you'd already know them and how they tick and be prepared for their flaws?

I know how intimidating it can be to entertain the idea of a relationship with someone you don't already know well, because romantic relationships and close friendships involve a great deal of emotional intimacy and the idea of sharing yourself like that with someone who is, as of right now, a complete stranger is daunting and kind of icky. Just remember: you don't need to share yourself completely right away - you slip into that gradually as you get to know one another - and if you run up against any actual deal-breakers, whether in a friendship or a romantic relationship, you reserve the right to bail.

[(Anonymous)]

There's nothing wrong with being alone if that's what you really want, but this secret sounds more like you really want intimate connections but are isolating yourself because you're afraid of people hurting you and that doesn't sound very healthy at all. The longer you lock yourself away the harder it's going to come back to bite you.

[(Anonymous)]

Living inside your head constantly is really unhealthy, delusional way to live, OP. I hope that you get some help.

[(Anonymous)]

I think you need to seek out some help, OP. This isn't healthy.

[(Anonymous)]

Because we're a social species and if you don't follow the herd in a way that doesn't hurt anyone around you, there's something very very wrong with you and you undoubtedly need mental help. Right now, go see a therapist. Better buckle it up, get over your stupid unattainable fantasies that no one else in the world secretly has, and find someone real to love, weirdo!

Guys, you're missing the giant red flashing sign

[(Anonymous)]

I feel like the majority of people in this thread are missing what I believe to be the key point in this secret:

Everyone OP has been with has treated them like crap, and so they now think that anyone they form a relationship with in the real world will treat them like crap.

That's the part that indicates that OP might not be entirely healthy. It's fine to not want a relationship; it's fine to prefer being alone. It's not fine if you're consistently winding up with abusive people, or if you start to think that the only non-abusive people in the world are fictional characters. That's a pretty glaring sign that something has gone very, very wrong.

[(Anonymous)]

actually, this sounds like me right now except i don't mind with just my boyfriend and i (i mean, he can have friends too obviously just...not... me...)

(and yes i'm the op of #6)

[(Anonymous)]

are you saying you're in love with sephiroth or not

[(Anonymous)]

This secret moved me a lot. And when I say a lot, I mean it made me feel like I wasn't alone anymore... I'm in a situation like this, except in my case it's not with a fictonnal character, it's worse in a way. Eight years ago, I had the most realistic dream I have ever had. In this dream, there was this perfect person (not so perfect actually, but perfect for me, if you know what I mean). We fell in love and lived a romance. It was amazing. It was more realistic than life itself. Since then, I haven't been able to move on. I think about him every time, and lots of things in real life, fiction, etc, make me think about that dream even more. I've never been confronted with a feeling this right in all my life, and no one ever pictured or described love in a way I could relate. It's mind blowing. It's truly incredible.
Problem is, I know it is a bit twisted. I've never spoke to anyone of this, for reasons you can imagine. I'm afraid of jugement. I don't want people to look at me like I am a madman.
I've tried really hard to live like everybody, to forget my feelings. I've been in some relationships (these were disasters. When I kissed them I was sick, for example...), I wanted to find something different in real life. But every time, I give up, more miserable than ever because I feel like I am going against my own nature and soul.

To everyone who told anon to live like they wanted to, thank you. It means a lot to me.

(By the way, I'm not excluded from society, I've been in a prestigious school and have a great career ahead of me, I have friends, a big and loving family and things to be passionnate for besides this dream. It's just that I can't picture myself in a relationship with anyone because I'm already in love, and this love is the thing the most important to me... Even if I know it makes me some kind of monster..)

[(Anonymous)]

IA! And I love you for this secret.