[ SECRET POST #2793 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2793 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 036 secrets from Secret Submission Post #399.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: is this abuse?

[(Anonymous)]

>but because he beats himself up sometimes when i'm feeling down, i was constantly worrying that maybe this could be considered me abusing him.

It's not. Abuse is something actively done to other people. If you choose to take offence at something, that doesn't mean that something is deliberately offending you, merely that you find it offensive.

Caveat: If you are DELIBERATELY saying you feel down in order to make him beat himself up, then that is abusive. However if you feel down due to other factors and he then gets all angsty, it's not.

>he withholds affection from me as punishment whenever i dare to feel upset by the deteriorating state of our friendship (which only makes it worse, and he knows that) and even now ge still tries to put sole blame on me for that by saying that my feelings make him feel "distant" (maybe my emotions remind him that i'm not a fuckdoll? i genuinely don't know and it's sad)

This is the difference between what you were worrying about and what he's doing. You don't ACT SAD to make him feel bad, while HE is withholding affection and withdrawing from you DELIBERATELY to upset you. Not the same thing at all.

>but he knows his begging makes me uncomfortable and he always says he'll never do it again but then a few hours later he demands them again.

Not respecting boundaries.

>and honestly... i love him, i love him so much

You can love someone without being compatible with them. Love doesn't fix assholes. It's ok to love people, but whether you're in a relationship with them shouldn't be based on how much you love them alone, but also on whether they love and care for you BACK.

>i don't want to be the one abusing him

You aren't.

>friends are supposed to take care of each other.

He's not your friend.

...Anyway the TL;DR takeaway from all this is, regardless of abuse, this is an unhealthy relationship. Get the fuck out.

What you want to do first is look for a support system. Family? Other friends? Shelters is another option. You will need to make sure you have all your own papers and documents in order, and that you don't share anything with this guy (bank accounts, money, housing, etc.). Work on finding alternate arrangements if you do.

Let people around you who know you and who actually do care about you know about things. Ask them for help if need be. You'll also want to try to look for things to do and places to be - keep yourself busy. The loss of a relationship - even a bad one - opens up a gap that can really get you down.

Lawyering up shouldn't be necessary at this stage, but keep that in mind as an option.