fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2802 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2802 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Warriors]

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[Harry Potter]

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[Sweet Fuse: At Your Side]

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[Stargate Atlantis]

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[Black M]

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[The Lyon's Den]

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[Hannah Simone]

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[Bouletcorp]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 018 secrets from Secret Submission Post #400.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

She sounds a lot like my mom - says that other people might judge me for x ridiculous thing just so to make me feel bad about something she disapproves of about me, check; brings up hurtful things from the past just to make a point in an argument, check; gaslights me about nasty things she's said to me, check; says all the while that she's 'just trying to help me', check check check.

The thing is though, I actually have quite a good relationship with my mom now. I don't know whether it will help in your situation, but these things helped me be able to live quite peacefully with my mom in the same house:

- Realizing that even though she is my mom, she is also a person in her own right and the person that she is is a very flawed one. A lot of the things she made me feel bad about were actually her own anxieties projected onto me, for instance body image issues: she used to always make snide comments about my weight, but by gaining confidence in my self and knowing that her own insecurities about her body have plagued her her entire life and have made her very unhappy has made it that much easier to ignore her bitchier moments.

- Standing up to her (but not fighting with her) whenever she crossed the line. Whenever she said something ridiculous, I would tell her that it was ridiculous and had no place in a conversation between us. If she pushed the point I walked away. It caused conflict at first, but eventually things smoothed out and she learnt she couldn't push my buttons as easily as she used to.

- Doing little things she wanted me to do that didn't cost much to me, just to appease her immediate anger. Like, if she wanted me to do something around the house that was easy to do I would do it, even if the request was unreasonable, just to make her feel like I was helping out when I could. And if I couldn't do it at that exact time, I would make a time to do it later, instead of just brushing off the task entirely.

Basically, mine was a pragmatic approach - if I have no choice to live with my mother for the time being, even if she is a heinous bitch, I will work out how to make things easier for both of us, even if she doesn't deserve it, because I do.

Thanks that all sounds like it will help.

I guess it should be mentioned that I sometimes end up in huge fights with them because when we argue I flip out, but recently I've sort of realized that the reason I do that is because of my frustrations at being unable to explain my thoughts or arguments or communicate the way I want to. So now that I know, when I feel like that I can just tell myself I need a moment and I won't flip out.

[ SECRET POST #2802 ]

Re: Complaning thread!

Re: Complaning thread!