[ SECRET POST #2811 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2811 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 056 secrets from Secret Submission Post #402.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

08. http://s29.postimg.org/boejyemzr/fandomfriend.jpg

[iceyred]

IDK, why do you let yourself be treated like that? Why don't you drop this person and find new friends?

[alwaysbeenasmiler]

SECONDED!

[visp]

Maybe some communication with your friend would help. Maybe every now and then you could be like "actually, I'm busy now, maybe later?" I mean, yeah, it's possible your friend is a completely self-centered jerk, but it's also possible that they just assume if you didn't want to hang out, you'd let them know.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm getting the distinct feeling that the secret maker's friend is one of those people who only remember that you're their friend when none of their other friends is available.

[visp]

Entirely possible. But that sort of thing can be rather tricky to determine online.

[elaminator]

Maybe they don't realize what they're doing? People are often blind to their flaws. If you discuss this with them they might make an effort to change their behavior, then again, they might not...

But I suppose it's worth a shot? If they don't acknowledge your feelings and try to respect your wishes then you should find other people to hang out with.

[(Anonymous)]

I feel your pain, OP. The best thing to do in this situation is to let your friend know what they are doing. If they continue to treat you the way they have been after that, then it might be time to distance yourself from them or to sever the friendship completely. I had a friend who would act like I was treating them like garbage when I didn't text them back right away, and eventually I ended the friendship. It was the best thing I had ever done for myself.

[(Anonymous)]

Unless this person has some sort of physical power over you or they're your employer, you absolutely do not have to put up with this, OP. I won't lie to you, there WILL be situations where you're stuck with awful people and can't really extricate yourself, but fandom friendships are not one of those situations. Stand up for yourself because you deserve better.

[(Anonymous)]

Are you me, anon? I've been going through this exact same situation. I think what a lot of the above people don't quite get is there's a bit of time lag between *realizing* the dysfunction and having the...whatever it is to act on it and step away. There's also 'sunk cost bias'--you know, you've invested so much into the friendship and walking away is just...it feels like losing all that effort.

Truth is, both sides of the relationship are unhealthy. Friend is sucking you dry, and you're....letting some kind of self-hatred disguised as need let this happen to you. It's a tough cycle to break because it's not all the other person's fault, but it's not all YOUR fault, either.

Be patient with yourself, anon. And try to be strong, because if your 'friend' notices you pulling away, expect there to be some blaming/guilt tripping flung your way. Just remember, no loving actual real friend would guilt trip you for having a life.

I wish I had more solid advice, but hey, I'm in the same boat, and maybe company helps.

[lunabee34]

This is a good comment. *hugs to you and OP both*

[nanslice]

You can remain friends with this person and just say no. Or bring it up. Or something. It's time to discussion boundaries.

[houtarouh]

I think it's best to drop this person, OP, and find some new friends? You shouldn't be bound in a situation that's going to be toxic in the long term.

I've been there, to the point that you want to tell the person "sorry, but enough". However, in my case, this person was really passive-aggressive towards me and my friends and everything you'll say will just bounce away (not to mention that this person was a real bitch to boot). I was also a fool to stick this long with this person (even ruined a few friendships for me, because I stood around and even had to talk behind the backs of my true friends, but thankfully, I was forgiven). It even reached to the point that I have trust issues both IRL and online. I don't want you to fall into the same trap as well, OP.

Love yourself and try to find new friends who will stick around and be your confidante when shit really hits the fan and share at least some common interests.